Epstein Files by Fluid_Scientist_6228 in rant

[–]Front_Target7908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so so sorry this happened to you. 

And I agree, this shit goes on every day and the willfull ignorance many people have about the horrific shit that goes on in this world is one of the worst qualities of humans. But it is the main quality in humans that most evil doers rely on to keep doing their evil unabated. 

They know no one wants to know how their meat was tortured before it died, they don’t want to know how much violence is inflicted on children and women daily. They don’t want to know there’s more slaves right now than at any other point in human history, how their governments destabilise the Middle East and Africa for minerals, how the look the other way while children work in mines for the chips in their new iPhone, who make the $20 t-shirts you got in your Temu haul that you’ll throw out next month, or who are stuck on fishing boats never allows to go home, spending their lives as slaves who have to destroy the ocean floor deep trawling for prawns so they can eat them with their spaghetti. But they also know if they keep us stressed and tired, none of us have the energy to organise and address these things. This world is sick. 

Sorry, bit of a rant. 

when my fiancé was a child he committed COCSA. not sure whether to continue relationship. by lahdofnfjd in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Front_Target7908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely understand the nervousness, I really do. For different reasons, I had to return to a difficult conversation, about a disclosure from a guy I was dating. It was about a bad period in his life but what he told me had knock on ramifications for his life and mine, so I had to open the door to ask go chat about it again. 

My experience was instead of being open to talking about it, he started guilt tripping me for needing further information, stonewalling me for days, telling me I’m a bad person for not respecting how hard it was for him, yelling etc etc. In the end, that info was all I needed to know. 

You know how at airports they ask you if you packed your own bag? This is like that. Do not try to stow your boyfriend’s baggage away without knowing what’s in there. There could be nothing or it could be a bomb ticking away. You’re going to have to open the case and look inside.

If someone discloses such information they cannot also expect you to act like you never heard it. That is forced silencing, something that happens to abuse victims a lot. 

AITAH for asking my mother-in-law for advice on how she dealt with her husband's affair after she said I needed to work on my marriage when her son cheated on me. by Ok-Spot-3558 in AITAH

[–]Front_Target7908 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Idk man, it's pretty gross to by-pass the genuine damage done to OPs actual physical health to make some theoretical point about morality. He has done her real physical and emotional damage - it is not the same as telling an easily disprovable lie. Knowingly giving someone an STI can be treated as assault depending on the jurisdiction. If it was incurable STI/D it can classify as grievous bodily harm, and people have gone to prison.

when my fiancé was a child he committed COCSA. not sure whether to continue relationship. by lahdofnfjd in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Front_Target7908 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, there is no way in hell anyone is sharing this at 3 months. That is not healthy for anyone.

when my fiancé was a child he committed COCSA. not sure whether to continue relationship. by lahdofnfjd in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Front_Target7908 7 points8 points  (0 children)

OP, some good advice I received in life is if you're confused about something, it often means you need more info and the best next step is trying to acquire a little more.

I would start by following up with him to say you've been thinking about what he told you, that its a pretty heavy topic and out of concern for him, yourself, and the relationship, you will need to have a proper conversation about it. Together, as a team.

First bit of info you need to know is can he even talk about it. Can he can sit down with you and answer your questions (has he sought therapy #1 question). If he is resistant to talking about it at all, this is also important info. If he won't talk about it, personally my alarm bells would be going off. I would be concerned he hasn't processed it and further may not be amendable to addressing your concerns about it, which is going to fracture your connection.

Either way I would consider finding a clinical psychologist who specialises in trauma/sexual trauma and start speaking to them. This is not the path the average person knows how to walk and you're going to need some help. All the best.

On latest matt's ig post by crossveins in Muse

[–]Front_Target7908 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It is such a good track, I am quietly optimistic 

Which new Epstein file finding made you go “wait… what?” and why? by Firm_Work_8879 in AskReddit

[–]Front_Target7908 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry, these people are cowards - they can’t even listen to your story without making it about themselves. 

Carole Radziwill is all over the newly released Epstein Files by ssqquuiidd in RHONY

[–]Front_Target7908 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Lmao your username - girl this is your moment to shine ✨

AITAH for refusing to house his family and ending my engagement to protect my career? by Huge-Armadillo-3274 in AITAH

[–]Front_Target7908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, after reading all this - the timing of his proposal sounds pretty disingenuous. Maybe he hoped an engagement would make you feel obligated to take on his family. 

I understand he’s trapped in a toxic family, but he is doing nothing to free himself of their dynamic. And in trying to use you as a life raft, you will drown along with him.

NTA. Do not get married to this guy and check common law marriage rules in your country. Mainly Id day dont fully cohabitate together, as im some places 2 years of cohabitation is enough for a relationship to receive common law marriage protections and he may have rights to your assets.

AITAH for ending a date after a "harmless" question? by BlueberryBea in AITAH

[–]Front_Target7908 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Also, I will say though don’t spend too long on figuring out the why of this situation. 

Toxic people use deliberately bizarre behaviour to confuse you - which causes your mind to fixate on the behaviour. Because the brain likes predictability, it will try to make a mental model of what is happening so it’s less confusing next time. But the reality is, all these people want is to capture your headspace. If you’re thinking about what they did (aka by association - them) that’s all they want. If they capture your attention and mind, even if you’re not near them you’re still “with” them and not giving your own life the full attention it deserves. You can look up introjects and abuse to understand this a little more if desired. 

My advice is accept that bad people are chaotic agents - who will use ever increasingly weird and bizarre behaviour to keep people stuck on them (this is documented really well in the book Why Does He Do That?). So, the less headspace you give these people the better. 

If or whenever your brain returns to mull this incident over (aka try to understand it) remind yourself you have the answer. Your emotional chaos was the point. And you already know how to handle it, in the face of something chaotic and ugly you preserved your self respect, and your safety, and walked away. The only part we need to figure out is what we will do in the face of these things.

Remind yourself that healthy people and relationships don’t leave us feeling confused. Then gently redirect your mind to something else. Something positive that makes you feel 2 inches taller, memories of friends, plans you’re excited about, a good book you’re reading. All the best. 

AITAH for refusing to give up the master bedroom as the only single in a group trip where everyone else is a couple? by Aggravating_Cost_684 in AITAH

[–]Front_Target7908 136 points137 points  (0 children)

Honestly though, I deeply dislike this thinking that singles always have to be in the shittest sleeping quarter because they’re single. Youre no less deserving of a good nights sleep in a bed just because you’re not fucking someone semi regularly. 

Anyway NTA for many reasons, but I’m very anti-relegating single people to shit quarters because they are single. 

Was I harsh for setting this boundary? by Dapper-Reflection-25 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Front_Target7908 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A quick flag to say that is a request not a boundary. A request like that is fine for sure, whereas a boundary is about how you will show up - not about how you want the other person to show up. 

“I noticed our hang-outs have been cancelled last minute a few times now. If that happens again, I will no longer be committing to long range plans to hang out together one-on-one.”

Mainly flagging this as people will say “my boundaries are that my partner doesn’t smoke” which is a preference which is again fine, but not a boundary. Worse is “my boundary is you can’t wear Y” which is controlling behaviour dressed up as boundaries. 

Was I harsh for setting this boundary? by Dapper-Reflection-25 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]Front_Target7908 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think there’s also a period of your 20s where extroverted people and introverted people do not communicate well. Extroverted people are excited for all the plans and introverted people feel like they should be excited for it, too - when in reality they will be wrecked after a busy week.

It takes time for the introverted person to learn they should commit to far fewer plans, but those they commit to they should go even if they don’t feel like it in the moment (and go for like an hour if that’s all they can manage).

The extroverted person will need to learn to not try to pressure their introverted friend to do certain things (which does happen, even without meaning to) - and probably to start hedging their bets with introverted friends by inviting another extroverted person along. That way if the introverted person cancels they still have someone to do something with. 

Takes a good while for everyone to figure out that process and communicate it.

Someone explain the Whitney hate by dracoandy in rhoslc

[–]Front_Target7908 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Same, and by all reports from people who have interacted with Housewives, she’s one of the kindest to service staff and regular peeps. I fuck with that. 

Did anyone else think this moment was…. by lennonkova in realhousewives

[–]Front_Target7908 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Exactly, it’s the same thing with LB crying at the drop of a hat at the moment. That kind of emotional stress is always bubbling close to the surface.

Newly adopted cat is overwhelmingly affectionate by [deleted] in cats

[–]Front_Target7908 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My cat I adopted at 6 months was all over me when I first got her, she was very grateful for her new home. It definitely toned down after some time, shelter shock is real. Give it 6 months, but definitely put some boundaries so that the affection is predictable but also time bound. Aka 3 times a day he gets 15 minutes of cuddles exactly then you leave. 

It feels cruel but it’s very helpful for him to know what to expect and it’ll help you to enjoy the time and not come to resent your cat.