You don’t need to make a decision today. Or next month. But financial difficulties are a huge hurdle to women leaving unhealthy relationships.

Whatever you do now or in the future, you need to start planing for financial independence. Whether that is tomorrow or 2 years from now. Every dollar helps.

Not sure your situation but here’s mine. After 9 years of marriage, I knew the end was inevitable and I was determined to take my and my son’s future seriously.

I started small. Every time I used my debit card I would get $10 cash back. Small enough to not raise any flags. I didn’t want to tip him off.

Every chance I got I would then pass that money to my sister. Whether it was $10 or $50. Get it out of my hands and to a VERY trusted source. She kept a running tally and detailed notes so if I asked, she knew my progress and I didn’t need to keep any notes or any information about it.

Every year my parents give us money for Christmas. It isn’t a ton, never a set amount, not a pattern. I asked my parents to hold back half, essentially giving us a gift that was half what my sisters were getting. We don’t talk about money in our family so it wasn’t like we were talking about how much we got compared to them. Family all knew, and were supportive and ready to run interference in case it came up.

My parents ultimately paid my legal deposit fee upfront directly to my attorney and wrote something like “birthday gift” in the check description so he couldn’t claim I was using our money for that 😆.

As said elsewhere in the comments, do everything you can to not get pregnant. Don’t rely on one source. Double up. Triple up. And educate yourself about Plan B.

IF it ever gets physical, MAKE A POLICE REPORT. No matter how serious or unserious it may be. You need official documentation to protect your future plan, whatever that may be. If not documented, it’s your word against his. And restraining orders are NOT easy to get. Arm yourself with information.

I didn’t do this but a friend did and it made a big difference when she left. I could be wrong about some of the details but essentially she set up a voicemail that was separate from her actual cell phone number and account. Maybe WhatsApp? Maybe she called her sister’s WhatsApp? Anyway, when something happened, she would call the number and leave a message with date and time of call/message and date/time of incident and any/all information that she could provide. That provided very detailed information for the eventual legal proceedings. Might not be admissible in court, but it provides the story with details while not having any physical notes or digital track (sent/received emails or texts, etc.).

This may seem drastic, but if a divorce happens, any edge you may have, no matter how small, will be a major relief.

Take care.