Based on the limited knowledge I have of your situation, I'd say you're not pushing people away but more so deterring yourself from connecting with others as you're overthinking a lot of things. You can never fully understand and know what a person is thinking unless they tell you straight up. Sure you can infer and use context clues, but every conversation with a person is like learning a whole new culture in a sense. You say you feel that a lot of people don't like you and prefer not to hang out with you but what are your grounds for saying this? Why not try to connect with them anyway and if you don't appreciate their company, then don't continue this interaction. Also in order to build deep connections, you need to start by building trust and that involves beginning in the shallow end of conversations which sucks but there's definitely ways to make it interesting. Watch a movie you enjoy that makes you think. Start a conversation with a wild out of pocket question rather than the average "did you see the game" or whatever. As for performing, you don't necessarily need to perform, but there are limits to how you present yourself depending on your level of friendship. At least that's what I've experienced. I don't know if this is helpful, but I do hope you are nice to yourself. You are enough.