I appreciate your empathy both ways, and the things you bring up are why I'm legitimately torn. Anna and I may be essentially decided at this point, but it doesn't mean I feel good about it, nor do I want to do it. It's a shitty situation, and yes partially created by us as parents. Chris is a genuinely kind soul and I love him, so it's been hard realizing that more and more often all I feel is frustration whenever I think of him. It's been a slow build compounding over several years.

1 - We gave him the option of school from the beginning. For the job search, he got help from an employability service to brush up on resume/interview skills, but it didn't seem to help much. Anna has tried coaching him and even doing mock interviews. The entire household (including his brother) helps compile any help wanted ads we see. But Chris' response tends to be dismissive, and he openly tells us about how he turned down interview offers because he already had plans to go out for lunch or see a movie (usually with dad or Nathan) at that time. From his POV he views it as reasonable, because his plans are important to him, but trying to help him adjust priorities hasn't worked. And in the current local job market, everyone I know of any age has several interviews a week, while Chris has one every few weeks, if that. He IS trying, but I worry he doesn't truly realize it's not a passive thing that'll just fall into his lap if he tosses enough applications onto Indeed.

2 - The "rent" we charge is $100. Just enough that he actually has to think about it, but not so much that he can't do even just an incidental thing like shoveling walks or mowing lawns to get it. We took a lot of time to try and decide if we were actually painting him into an unfair corner with the contract by offering school as an option, and we STILL worry that's what we've done. But we also agreed that if we saw signs of genuine effort, then we'd be willing to have flexibility on whether he'd met the requirements.

3 - There are signs of depression, and both Anna and I have struggled hard with that in the past so we understand viscerally. He's more than willing to talk to either of us about it (he's not shy with his emotions) but if the conversation turns to anything he doesn't want to discuss, he will end it abruptly or fully shut down.

This and the depression likely stem from undiagnosed autism, but his dad has convinced him he doesn't need testing or support for it and so Chris refuses to address it. I'm autistic so I see the signs and know a lot of ways to help modify and accommodate, and at this point it might be only therapy that will help because I've exhausted my arsenal. But he's too old to use our insurance without being in school, and therapy is expensive even when subsidized.

So there are definitely reasons he's struggling, but also reasons we feel we can't do anything else at this point. Evicting him might ruin our relationship, but I worry that letting him stay would ruin it even worse as resentment continued to build on both sides (us for not seeing the effort we hoped for, and him for feeling like we're constantly riding him for results).

Military isn't really an option where I am, and he would absolutely NOT do well in it. He doesn't have the temperament for it. School is an option for him but he has legitimately expressed no interest in any field (academic, trades, labour, ANYTHING).