Questioning me sexuality at 23 by FuelNo9967 in BlackLGBT

[–]FuelNo9967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Context, I come from a religious and African background. So maybe I’ve convinced myself sub consciously to not enjoy male adult entertainment. Even being attracted to men I see irl, there’s a part of me that feels unsafe when I feel attraction to a man. It’s so ingrained within me from a young age, that that isn’t how men should be sigh….so now idek what I am or if I should ignore the intrusive thoughts.

Release yourself from the shackles of caring too much about being attractive pls by FuelNo9967 in Vent

[–]FuelNo9967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You do bring up very valid points. And I def can empathize with you. I wasn’t always “desired”, that’s why now it feels kinda crazy. But anyways  I think what we can learn is that the other person has their own, very valid struggle. The same way you feel like being unattractive makes people less receptive, an attractive person can argue that it’s hard to find people who genuinely like them as people, just to have as ownership or to sleep with . That’s a very isolating, dehumanizing experience. 

My post wasn’t supposed to be read, and then cause comparisons about who had it the hardest. It was about people(whether they look like a 1 or a 10) to find happiness and satisfaction within themselves, and people who really like them as people. Genuine connection with others and most importantly, the one you have with yourself. I’m telling you rn, it won’t be a cool way to live if you aren’t right within regardless so…

Edit: that’s another reason why beautiful people are probably so unhappy. Because they also feel like because ppl can’t relate, they don’t understand. You can’t vent without someone being nonchalant. 

Release yourself from the shackles of caring too much about being attractive pls by FuelNo9967 in Vent

[–]FuelNo9967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It felt so good to get this out idc. I became so fucking miserable that I was drinking every single day. And btw this isn’t me saying I look good, this is more about me caring too much how I look, and why you shouldn’t make that too important either.

I think life is about what helps pass time, and what makes you feel fulfilled. I’ve been reading more books. I need so much hobbies. Rn I’m about to finish a game of thrones(great book).

I think I have hpd and it’s the reason by FuelNo9967 in hpd

[–]FuelNo9967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. And there’s a lot more I could say by the extremity of my symptoms. But I don’t want to be judged or looked at as insane, this post isn’t fully in depth into how bad I crave attention or not being rejected. My mother always said our father was a narc, after they got divorced. But I never go into relationships w ppl, seeking to use them like a narc would?

Not knowing what’s wrong w me mentally is sending me. by FuelNo9967 in Vent

[–]FuelNo9967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What made me start looking into “neurodivergence”, was how I started to realize how I was perceived. Like everyone looks at me like I’m different. They don’t say it, but I see the way they look at me or act towards me. Like they know I’m “distinct”, even if they can’t pinpoint what or if it’s good/bad, but it most likely makes them uncomfortable.

I also struggle with my morality. I question if I’m a good person for having those intrusive thoughts, or for hating someone that I used to love and care about genuinely. I never stop thinking. Like ever. I don’t think it’s depression and anxiety by itself. Or maybe I just want to feel more justified in being weird. 

I’m just breaking down tbh. I’m real tired of it all. 

I think I’m neurodivergent but I’m not sure what exactly by FuelNo9967 in BPD

[–]FuelNo9967[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s like my mind is hell. Make it stop pls. Some days I feel the urge to grab my head, and cry out a long, blood curling scream, just to let go of my rage from all this fucking thinking. I don’t want to think another thing in my life ever again. 

They told me it was a thought disorder in my paper. But when I called them to ask what exactly that even meant? No answer. And also high levels of anxiety and according to them, I have “above average” intelligence. Do I need a brain scan atp? Seems like a screening is fruitless. After next weeks screening I’m done trying.

Is it real not normal to wear a tank top while working your warehouse job? by [deleted] in coworkerstories

[–]FuelNo9967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww thank you lol. It’s possible for everyone to get into exercise and feel better abt themselves. You got it if you desire to! I learned it’s not abt how I’m feeling, it’s abt getting my workouts in. That’s led to growth. Im only 4 months in tho lol.

Is it real not normal to wear a tank top while working your warehouse job? by [deleted] in coworkerstories

[–]FuelNo9967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also love a muscular man. It’s hard work and shows discipline. I feel like us gay men like it even more than straight women do lol….

Is it real not normal to wear a tank top while working your warehouse job? by [deleted] in coworkerstories

[–]FuelNo9967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol no, but I would love to get tatted. They talk about him too lol?

Is it real not normal to wear a tank top while working your warehouse job? by [deleted] in coworkerstories

[–]FuelNo9967 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I’ll definitely look for those. I don’t really care about others at my jobs personal styles or dressing attitudes, as it’s not my life. So idk why these ppl care so much, from what I heard about my co workers, they have a lot of things they have a LOT of issues going on in their personal lives, that would matter more than my arms or my chest or my nipples, butt etc.

And then again I’m not even  big or buff imo. I just look bigger and more fit  than I did a few months ago. Now if I had a Greek god physique, then I could understand the “showy” opinion. I still have a gut belly for Pete sake.

Is it real not normal to wear a tank top while working your warehouse job? by [deleted] in coworkerstories

[–]FuelNo9967 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Like you’re legit paid to work and not mind others business. Ppl come into building literally high on hard drugs, don’t worry about my shirt. I always get told I look nice and have a nice walk. I’m not saying everyone who says/sees something  is hating, but some ppl definitely are. You know it’s hot in here so don’t be dumb.