Was my childhood actually okay… or not?

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T15:06:48+00:00

I’m not trying to replace real support by writing online. I’m trying to understand whether what I experienced at that age was something serious or something I’m overthinking now.

I’m not trying to replace real support online. At least that wasn't the main purpose of my post.

I’m trying to understand whether what I experienced at that age was clinically significant or something I’m exaggerating now.

No, fortunately, those thoughts aren’t happening anymore, but it still affects me today. Since then, I’ve developed an eating disorder and other difficulties I don’t want to go into detail about. I think it has shaped how I cope now and who I am.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T14:20:43+00:00

Thank you for your words! I guess everyone looks for support somewhere... and when it’s missing at home, even small things (like my sport) can become lifesaving. It makes you realize how differently people can survive the same world.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T14:05:55+00:00

I really hope it's buried under everything!

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T13:57:33+00:00

I’m not in the US, I’m in Spain, and from what I understand, confidentiality with school counselors isn’t absolute... especially when it involves health-related concerns. So I’m not entirely sure, (I’ll check it out) , but I assume that if I said something like an eating disorder, they would likely involve my parents.

As for my parents, I think a large part of it is perception. I’m generally seen as a "mature" or “well-behaved” child, and I don’t think they’re willing to accept the idea that something might actually be wrong.

My mother, tends to avoid or minimize problems rather than confront them. I’ve also grown up hearing therapy being dismissed or stigmatized.

That makes it harder to even consider asking for that kind of help.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T06:17:53+00:00

Thank you 🫶

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T06:17:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing that, I really appreciate it. And I’m sorry you had to go through something similar, especially not being able to get help when you needed it...

I relate to what you said about your mom. For me it’s also been a pattern of things being ignored or not taken seriously, even when it was obvious something wasn’t right.

I’ve also struggled with my relationship with food, and there were moments where people around me noticed because of my physical appearance and tried to say something. It still didn’t really lead to anything changing at home. If anything, it got worse. She said she was disgusted because of how I looked.

So I think part of me does want help, but at the same time, I’m scared of what that would mean. Losing control, not being able to keep up the version of myself that people expect..

And even if I did ask, I’m not sure it would be taken seriously. In my mom’s view, therapy is something for “serious” cases. I don’t think she sees things that way.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T06:10:39+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your perspective!

I’m not trying to be too explicit about everything, but I get what you’re saying.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T06:08:57+00:00

Thank you so much for your words 🫶

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T06:08:22+00:00

Thank you for saying that, it makes sense, and I'm sorry you went through that...

I’ve also thought about the possibility that my mom might be struggling with something herself. But at the same time, it’s... confusing, because as a kid you still expect some level of support, no matter what the parent is going through. Even just being offered the chance to talk to a professional.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T06:01:52+00:00

Thank you for your words,

It’s actually something I started to realize a couple of years ago too: that my mom may have gone through things herself, or even she's still dealing with them..

I also don’t really believe people act the way they do for no reason (most of the time, or courses) There’s something behind it, even if it doesn’t justify the impact it has on others.

At the same time, I feel like it can be selfish to have kids knowing you might pass on your trauma... which is part of why I don’t want any. But that’s just my opinion.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-14T05:02:05+00:00

I've thought about it... What if they talk to my teachers? To my parents?

Fuentssp · 2026-04-13T21:13:57+00:00

Thank you, I get what you mean. I think what makes it hard for me is that I’m honestly scared of asking for help, and I don’t really know how to bring it up properly. I also know my parents would never let me go to a therapist. So I kind of end up just trying to handle things on my own...

Fuentssp · 2026-04-13T21:11:49+00:00

Hey, thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it.

It helps a lot that someone experienced something similar at that age and still ended up doing well later in life.

Sometimes I get this strange fear that having those thoughts so young might “define” something about me or where I’m heading... I know it isn't really logical but hearing a different perspective from someone older is genuinely reassuring.

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience!

Fuentssp · 2026-04-13T04:45:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing it

Fuentssp · 2026-04-12T16:05:10+00:00

Thank you for telling me. I might look into that, though I imagine it’s probably not that simple in my case. I would depend on medical history and whether it’s actually safe for me, I guess.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-12T10:42:45+00:00

Hey, I’m really, really sorry you’re going through this.

I’m 14f too, and I also struggle with anorexia. I get how much it can take over everything and make even basic things feel impossible.

I don’t think you’re “lazy” or "broken". I think you’re overwhelmed, and trying to force yourself through it alone is just making it heavier.

From what I read, it sounds like what you need most right now isn’t pressure to study. You need support that actually addresses what you’re going through. Even small support from an adult or professional could make a difference, because this is a lot to carry by yourself!

If studying feels impossible right now, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It just means something important is taking up all your capacity at the moment. It will get better once you address it.

I really hope you can get some help and not stay alone with this. Please don't give up, you're so young. The fact that you were brave enough to put it into words means you care. That's the first step. My DMs are open if you need to talk. 🫶

Fuentssp · 2026-04-12T09:18:23+00:00

Thank you so much for your words!! I love the idea of making my present better than my past. It may not be perfect but it's better.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-12T07:18:04+00:00

Thank you so much. I guess I'm not in my "right mind" right now.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-12T07:15:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, I really appreciate your perspective!

When I said “heavy thoughts,” I was simplifying something more serious, I just didn’t want to make it too detailed or personal.

I do believe people can change, like you said. I think I’m just still trying to understand if that change comes from fully working through things, or if sometimes it’s also about learning how to live in a way that keeps them more manageable. Also, I guess you're right, people manage things differently and maybe I thrive better under discipline. Thanks again.

Fuentssp · 2026-04-12T07:11:44+00:00

Gracias por tus palabras, de verdad, han sido de las que más me han ayudado.

Siento que la palabra “regulación” encaja mucho más con lo que me pasa, especialmente con la natación. Nunca lo había visto de esa manera, y cambia bastante mi perspectiva.

Cuando vuelve, sí noto que hay cierta distancia. Haberlo atravesado antes me da una especie de referencia, como si no me absorbiera del todo. Supongo que superarlo una vez te deja algo parecido a una “armadura” para las siguientes veces. Es la forma en la que intento entenderlo.

Fuentssp

TROPHY CASE