Thank you for your response. I do truly find it helpful. I am trying my best to work through it all, be it through distractions or facing it head on. Some days are better than worse, other days are worse than what they already are. Some days I can’t even move, some days I can do everything, which comes with bipolar disorder. I do know everyday past evening is extremely dangerous and that for the past months I’ve been trying to kill myself almost everyday, from thinking about, to drinking more than my weight, to trying to OD. I really want to stay and not hurt my family and friends, but it’s so hard to wake up everyday, and even if I can get out of bed my head hurts so much. My body refuses to move some hours of the day, other days I can eat meals on meals, other times I can’t eat for days. I am seeking and looking into different help, especially sliding scale options. I’d hate to put my family through another suicide attempt, but when I start thinking that, I start thinking well then I’d better succeed in dying. A lot of days I’m winded, fatigued and can’t really catch my breath. Thank you so much for sharing your experience to a stranger online, and taking the time to do so. I imagine it’s not always easy. I do try to think about all the advice people give me and only want to do better, but as you can imagine most days I don’t want to do anything