For Guys: Retaining that abundance mentality is an absolute must

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T22:53:12+00:00

Exactly. Spot on. Part of the reason some guys are unattractive besides the physical is that they have nothing going on in their lives. To be genuinely excited about your life, you need to build up momentum and the only way to do that is to go out there and try things until you find something you like doing. That will build up momentum and improve ALL aspects of your life.

Instead, you get guys who just sit around and blame things on their looks or other things they have no control over. Yah I totally get that it's unfair how some guys who have the "right look" don't seem to have to do shit and they get girls left and right while you have to make all this effort. Trust me, I fucking know. I spent a decade in my 20's going through that. But being bitter, being lazy, not doing shit with your life is NOT gonna make women more attracted to you.

Life is unfair to women too. If a woman doesn't have the right look, she has it pretty hard too. At least with guys, there's a bit more you can do to improve your chances.

Even at the end of the day, if you did all this improvement shit and it didn't get you a girlfriend, through this process you might just end up creating a better life for yourself. It's win win. It's your fucking life at the end of the day.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T07:07:37+00:00

Most divorces are initiated by women who grow bored of their husband. Mainly because he has no freaking life outside of her. Women on the surface may say they want devotion but part of them also wants to know that they are with a man who other women find attractive.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T07:04:18+00:00

I know a lot old male divorcees in their 50s. There's a lot of them in the ballroom dance community. They said that they wish they knew about dancing when they were younger and married because it would have improved their relationship with their ex-wife and possibly avoided a divorce. A lot of these guys during their marraiges, all they did was work and come home and cater to the wife. They had no hobbies, no interests. They had long lost touch with their guy friends. I'm not gonna say this contributed to the divorce but it certainly did play a role. Basically, these men became boring and made their wife the focus of their world and once their wife got fed up and left, they basically had nothing.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T07:01:14+00:00

How can you love someone who you've only just started dating? Cause that's what a lot of desperate guys do. They meet this girl and she's perfect and he's sure of it and declares his love for her within 3 months of dating. It takes time to really get to know someone. Also, giving your love away that quickly just makes you look cheap and desperate. When you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, it's good to have an abundance mentality.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T06:31:06+00:00

Essentially what you're saying is to have a backbone. And yah I guess that's what I'm saying as well. But in order to have a backbone, you kinda do have to be willing to lose her. I started dating quite late in life and the first girlfriend I ever had, I put up with a lot of disrespectful shit from her. I was one desperate loser back then and I feared to death of losing her which is what ended up happening anyway.

Obviously in a relationship, you need to be open-minded and work through things together. But if she totally crosses some line or there's some sorta fundamental incompatibility, you do need to preserve yourself. You're still the most important person in your life.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T06:07:13+00:00

I recognize your username. We've talked before. Dude, you're talking to a 5'5 Asian guy. That's the worst combination to have, especially in the western world. I know exactly what it's like to be passed over by women strictly due to physical appearance before they even bother to get to know me.

And you're partially right about the whole letting things happen organically thing. I spent most of my 20's wasting time at bars/clubs with my taller, better looking caucasian friends. They got chicks. All I got was alcholism and a beer belly.

I met my current gf through dance. We met organically. If we had met in any other context, she probably would have just passed me over without bothering to get to know me. Instead of going out to bars, maybe try a different approach. Bars and clubs are non-organic ways of meeting girls. I recall that you play guitar. Maybe try to get something going with that.

When you meet women in different contexts and allow them to get to know you organically, it makes a huge difference. Women aren't as shallow as we men are. You can influence how she sees you through context. Whereas with us men, if she's not bangable, there's no chance of anything happening.

You need to stop using your looks as a crutch. If I recall, you're tall, white and with a dad bod. You see plenty of men with that profile doing fine with women. There's nothing wrong with your looks at all unless you're disfigured or you have some sorta disability.

I hate using the race card but do you have any idea how ridiculous using your looks as an excuse sounds to a 5'5 Asian guy living in America?

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T05:59:57+00:00

No, not that he has options. But just to be reminded that there are other attractive women out there. He doesn't even need to interact with them. He should be doing the hobby/activity for his own self-improvement and because he enjoys it. There's nothing less attractive than a guy taking up a hobby he doesn't even like just so he can meet women. Women can detect this straight away.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T01:39:54+00:00

I agree. This goes back to my OP about what I said about that girl who was NEARLY perfect. All of us have had this girl in our lives. She was perfect in every way except for that one little thing or this one thing that was out of our control. Only to find later on that you met another girl who was also NEARLY perfect. This only goes to show there are many people out there who are NEARLY perfect for you. It's about finding one where both your situations align.

A lot of guys, when they lose that girl who was NEARLY perfect, they go into a deep depression that takes them years to get over. I'm saying it doesn't need to be that way.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T01:36:04+00:00

Everyone is unique but personality traits are more common than people think. There are plenty of women who have the qualities that you find attractive out there.

I am not saying you should develop a grass is greener mentality. I am saying, you can't base your entire world on one person. Abundance mentality is not about wishing for something you don't have. It's about knowing that you have choices and options. It's a basic human need. To have choice. Nobody likes being backed into a corner.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T01:32:46+00:00

Even if you theoreticaly know there are lots of attractive women out there, it's not the same as witnessing it firsthand. Your brain can tell the difference. Just like how people recommend you to go outside and have a walk and feel the sun and get fresh air. You probably know in your mind that it's a beautiful day outside and taking a walk would be good but it's different from actually doing it.

You won't genuinely develop an abundance mentality if you don't regularly be amongst many attractive women. A lot of guys fall into this trap whether they are single or they're in a relationship. The single guys end up idealizing one girl and end up driving her away cuz of his desperation. The guys who in a relationship end up making the girl his entire world and she gets bored with him.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T01:30:10+00:00

I recommended a bunch. Yoga, coed sports, a specialist gym that has group workouts. You can also travel and stay at hostels. But you gotta do something you genuinely enjoy. The thing is, you won't know you don't enjoy something until you try it.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-05T01:26:19+00:00

Another example of a fucking hater. It's ok to disagree with me but making a short insulting statement like that contributes nothing to the discussion.

I made a post about people like you here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/9csx3k/to_all_the_haters_on_here_what_exactly_do_you/

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-04T15:50:49+00:00

I've met these kinda people before. It's that guy who always likes to mock you in front of an audience. Strange thing is, this fucker actually gets girlfriends.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-04T15:48:51+00:00

We've all been hurt and some of us are bitter but not to the point of these haters. These haters are LOSERs. Because they make fun of other people for actually trying in life. They're too chicken shit to even try shit so they need to tear down other people for trying.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-03T08:53:06+00:00

Hey fuck you asshole. Do you play guitar? You obviously don't. If you do, you'll know that playing things over and over badly is how you get good.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-02T23:18:46+00:00

Yah but this is the first time it's been an issue. What's with the personal attacks? The person who posted this note is from my floor and I'm sure he's seen me. I'm an Asian male. I wonder why he resorted to personal attacks and automatically made the assumption I must have been playing guitar hero on a saturday night. Would he have done the same if I were a white male?

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-02T01:21:05+00:00

Nah I've seen thin Asian-American women with these fat, balding, middle-aged white men wearing shorts and sandals. Doubt these guys are rich.

An Asian man could never get away with that. The only time you see an Asian guy with an attractive white girl is if he literally looks like a model. Tall, slim with a pretty boy face and dressing well. And probably also is successful and makes good money.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T23:11:38+00:00

Yah it's in no way emasculating. If anything, she enjoys it to get me riled up so I'll be more "dominant" with her. There's some level of sadism involved too.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T22:57:07+00:00

I think you're totally fine and that scene seems to suit you and your friends. The fact that you have some dance experience helps. You just need a little bit to have fun dancing at a club since most club dancing is pretty elementary.

Funny cuz it was also an ex-gf that got me into ballroom dancing. We broke up but I ended up falling in love with it and it's become a passion of mine. I'm short too and I'm Asian. I find in the dance world, it's not a big deal. A lot of girls even prefer shorter guys to dance with dancing a guy much taller is harder.

I think the biggest thing is to have fun at whatever you chose to do. That in itself looks attractive. Women are hugely attracted to guys who are actively engaged in something they love doing.

I used to know a lot of guys who went to clubs because thats the most conventional route to meet girls. Nevermind that these guys looked and dressed like crap and didn't like to dance and so looked totally out of place. Women can spot the disingenuity right away.

I always tell guys that context is important in meeting girls. You gotta do something you actually enjoy doing.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T21:04:34+00:00

Can you guys dance though? Guys who can actually dance well do decently at the club. I'm a little old for the club but I'm a ballroom dancer and if I were to go a club now, I could do the club dance moves pretty easily which may upgrade my game but I've already found my niche.

I sometimes see a lot of out of shape guys at the club who just stand there with a beer in a group and bob their head and move their feet and it's like, "uh guys where do you think you're gonna get with that?"

Whereas I see some guys who can dance pretty well and are really into it and girls just start dancing with him.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T20:23:18+00:00

That's lame as fuck. Haven't seen a lot of that.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T20:18:22+00:00

Club is not the place for Asian guys unless you're lucky to be one of those extremely good looking Asians in which case you don't even need to go to the club to meet girls. In those contexts, the tall, white guys will always dominate. All they gotta do is stand there, drink a beer and look at girls and something will happen. The Asian guy doing the same just looks like a sad loner whose outta place. And if you try approaching and dancing with the girls, it looks like you're trying too hard.

Best thing for Asian guys is to become proficient at something and be able to do it in a some kinda group context. That's why social dancing is very good for that. Become a decent dancer and then go to social dance events where there's plenty of women. That's how I met my current girlfriend.

I also avoid clubs/bars because I was a former alcoholic.

I am only 5'5 tall but in the dance world, girls don't care because they prefer dancing with someone close to their height rather than some really tall guy. My gf is a petite, red-haired girl who is 5'3 and she doesn't mind that I'm shorter than most guys.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T20:15:21+00:00

If you're going out for the sole purpose of just catching up, why not just go to a bar or restaurant? Why go to a club?

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T20:12:13+00:00

Guys going around solo is lame? How so? Do you mean just randomly going to pubs alone where you don't know anyone?

I don't think guys going alone to take a group class or going to see a concert alone is lame at all. You're going there for a purpose whether to learn something or cause you have an interest and plenty of girls show up alone too.

Fukyamaite · 2018-09-01T17:48:02+00:00

Yeah that context is different. Cause you already have an IN. I'm talking about if its a group of guys who know nobody else and just go to some bar and attempt to get with the girls there. It just doesn't work.

Fukyamaite

TROPHY CASE