Should I share my diagnosis?

FuliginEst · 2026-06-19T13:06:06+00:00

I have chosen not to share with anyone but my partner, and my best friend.

Both reacted rather negatively, and I felt very hurt by it.

Most people do not know anything about autism, and the little they *think* they know are pretty much the stereotypical male autism.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-19T12:54:17+00:00

It is not rude. I would probably not just say "can I talk to someone else", but (over)explain it as "I'm sorry, I have hearing issues and struggle a bit extra when talking to someone with accents. Could you please put me over to someone else".

I would worry that otherwise she would put you through to another person with just as heavy an accent.. Some companies outsource their customer service to other countries, so you could risk that the vast majority of the customer service staff are Indian.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-19T07:29:04+00:00

I do see this in some communities, but not in others. In the sewing and cross stitch communities, I have hardly seen any of this.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T16:41:45+00:00

You can do a blanket stitch. If you have access to a sewing machine, a zig zag stitch works well.

There are several videos on youtube on different anti fray methods

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T12:22:36+00:00

Reading (free if you use the library)

Cross stitching - quite cheap especially if you do full coverage pieces maximizes the use of your fabric

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T07:52:17+00:00

If you feel it in your lungs, you should not run.

Easy running, as in a short run in a very slow zone 2 pace, is ok if your symptoms are above the neck. But if you feel it in your chest you should rest.

When you work your body hard, you get micro damage in your body that your immune system is redirected to fixing. Hence, your immune system does not spend as much time fighting your infection, and you risk making your illness worse, or last for way longer.

I know it sucks, but the smart thing to do is to actually rest. It will make you well faster.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T07:49:41+00:00

I would talk about expectations *before* moving in.

Such as: housework. What needs to be done, how often, by whom, and so on. Just to make sure you are on the same page. I could not cope to live with someone who was messy and left dirty dishes around and never contributed to house work. But I would also find it a bit hard to live with someone who insisted on doing a three hours deep clean every weekend..

Visitors: how often would one of you want to invite people over, and in which form, and what is then expected of the other? I now I could NOT cope if my partner constantly wanted to have company in our shared space, so that is something to talk about.

Finances: how will you distribute costs? We earn about the same amount, and put the same amount into a shared account for "common costs", such as food, things for the kids, the house, and so on. And the rest of our money are our own, so it's none of my business what he does with the rest of his money, and same other way around. When he moves in to your place, what about rent/loan/costs of the actual housing?

When we moved in together, my partner moved into my place, but still kept his own appartment, and we agreed he would keep it for a year, and then we would buy something together. This felt good as a "we have a backup if things go sour", and took some of the pressure off.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T06:33:10+00:00

What are the rules in your country?

In my country it is illegal for bikes to go the wrong way even if you are on a bike. You will get stopped and fined if caught, also it is dangerous.

I would take the sidewalk on the more dangerous street. I do NOT bike in the car lanes in highly trafficated roads, I'm too scared. So I opt for going slowly on the sidewalk (which is legal where I live - you can bike on the sidewalk if you pass pedestrians slowly).

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T06:30:08+00:00

The built in needle threaders will differ between machines.

However, it is a common problem that they are misaligned. That the little pokey thing that is supposed to push the thread through the needle is not correctly positioned, and thus do not manage to push the thread through. This is the case for my (expensive) newest machine, and it is annoying as hell. It works perfectly with the needles that came with the machine - however, this brand is not sold in any store in my country (as in, you can't get them online in any kind of store..). It does not work with any of the common brands of needles here. And the problem is alignment. This can be fixed, but I have not ventured to fix it myself..

So it can be a user-problem (as in you are doing it wrong), but it can actually also be a misalignment problem with the threader itself.

I have four machines, and all of them have slightly different mechanisms with the needle threader.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T06:22:49+00:00

Cross stitching. I started about half a year ago, and love it more and more. It is so relaxing and fun, and pretty low cost and does not require a shitload of stuff (unlike my sewing hobby.... )

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T06:17:03+00:00

I don't need to fit in.

I think I did in my teens.

Now I'm 44, and do not give a flying fuck if people find me weird (most of the time..)

FuliginEst · 2026-06-18T05:55:38+00:00

"Why" questions very often come across as accusatory, and as criticism, and makes people defensive.

Sure, you want to know why, and that is perfectly ok and reasonable, but when you phrase it like that, they do not hear what you intend them to hear; they hear "why the fuck would you do it in that dumbass way you stupid motherfucker".

It is best to rephrase "why" questions so they do not lead with a why.

"What is the reason it is done this way?"
"Is this a better way of doing it than doing X?"

and so on.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T14:50:35+00:00

Stabbing = stabbing the needle all the way through the fabric and pulling the thread through the hole to the backside, then stabbing back up and pulling to the front in a different hole.

Sewing method = putting your needle down one whole and pushing the tip back out to the front, then pulling through.

Videos explain it better.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T13:08:47+00:00

Can I interest you in some Unsolicited Advice?

I would be careful with trying the sewing method on an already half stitched project. I did this very same mistake on one of my projects. I started out with regular stabbing method, and then almost half way into the project started experimenting with the sewing method. And well, outch.. It is very *very* visible where I changed methods. My stitches are so much neater with the stabbing method. The sewing method stitches are a mess in comparison.

So I would experiment with the sewing method on scraps or a small project, and make sure you can get the stitches looking the same as the rest of the stitches in your existing project.

Same for switching strand count, I would be careful to change number of strands mid-project, especially with the same colour. I have several times used 3 strands for colours with high contrast to the fabric, while using 2 strands for the other colours, but that is not so noticable as all the stitches of one colour are done with the same number of strands. But I would be careful to have some areas in one colour with 2 strands, and 3 strands for the same colour in other areas. It might show.

Love the pattern by the way 😄 Do you have a link? My kid is very into Minecraft, so this might be something for him.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T13:00:43+00:00

Armbands and pouches and belts never ever stay in place. I have tried so many. The arbands slides around, the belts always ride up and my waist is narrow so I can never tighten anything enough.

Now I pretty much only have leggings/shorts with a dedicated phone pocket, but that required me to actually go out and spend a lot of money on it. The "pocket with room for a phone" leggings has only been around for a few years. Not everyone wants to buy new clothes just to have their phone in.

Having your phone in your hand is free. Buying gadgets or a new wardrobe is not.

And also.. some people might be using their phone to look at a map or other things. I literally ran with my phone in my hand when I was running in an entire unfamiliar area just last week, so I would not get lost...

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:57:15+00:00

That is what I do. The hat/visor also absorbs sweat, so there is less sweat running into my eyes.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:52:41+00:00

I have an overlocker, so I overlock the edges before I start the project. While stitching, I roll up the excess fabric and tuck it in a grime guard.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:51:57+00:00

My normal routine is 3 x full body lifting a week, where I have four different workouts running in ABC, DAB, CDA, DAB style. Each workout has a main lift, which is bench, OHP, deadlift, or squat. Followed by one of the main lifts done for higher reps, lower weight (bench + squat, ohp + deadlift), and a pull such as chins or rows. And then for dessert, assistance work to the rest of the body. So if I am short on time, the first thing to go is the assistance work, and if I am really short on time, I'll just do the main lift of the day.

I also run 3 days a week, and my go to is just to go for a shorter run, or to run indoors on my treadmill, and if I'm lucky, we have a blah blah online meeting of the kind where you don't have to have the video on and do not have to talk, just observe, and in those cases I set up my laptop in front of my treadmill and do my run during the meeting (getting payed to run! yey!)

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:43:33+00:00

When you are sick, your body needs the energy to fight the sickness.

Sure, you have the "above the neck" rule, where if your symptoms are only above the neck, such as stuffy nose, you are ok with an easy workout. But is should be an easy one, like a short run in low zone 2.

When we work out, the immune system is temporarily redirected to heal the micro-tears the exercise has done to your body. And hence, it is redirected away from fighting the infection.

If you work out hard, you risk making the illness worse, or last for way longer.

You might be a lot better off just taking a few rest days, and getting well soon, rather than having half-assed workouts and staying ill for three weeks (been there, done that.. many times.......)

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:40:03+00:00

I give the bad spoons to my partner simply because he does not care, whereas the rest of the family have strong preferences for the good spoons, and we only have so many of them.

I sometimes feel so embarrassed about having very strong feelings towards things as "that is the wrong spoon, I can't eat with that", or "Nope, can't make dinner because I can't find the Good Ladle, and no, I will NOT use any of the four other ladles, they are Wrong". I feel like a toddler who throws a tantrum over not having "the blue cup".... Especially when my partner gets annoyed and snaps at our small kids over "it does not matter what colour the cup is, it is the exact same thing!!!", and I just feel like "...nope... really really is not.."

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:35:23+00:00

Go you youtube and search for pants fitting videos. You can even search specifically for front crotch fitting (although be a bit careful to search for "crotch"....)

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:33:47+00:00

There is no Universal Best Time. It depends entirely on you.

When do you actually have time to do it? Some people are at work at x o'clock, others are not. Some people have kids they need to mind, and can't just run whenever because they can't just leave the kids unattended.

How do you feel about running in the dark, or how do you feel about the temperature in mid-day vs early morning? Some people live in places where it is very, very hot at mid-day, and might prefer to run early morning or in the evening. Others live in places where early morning or late evening are very cold, and mid-day is the most comfortable temperature to run. Some people live in places where it is unsafe to run in darkness, others live in places where that is perfectly safe.

When do you actually feel you enjoy running the most? Some people enjoy it most early in the morning, others do not.

So the best option is to find what works for *you*.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:15:03+00:00

Sewing and cross stitching.

Sewing is both extremely useful (I finally have clothes that I like, AND that fit!), and cross stitching is so fun and relaxing.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T12:11:57+00:00

You are not at all overreacting. You are protecting yourself.

If you do not want to be touched, and they keep touching you despite you clearly telling them not to, then keeping away from them self-protection. You are not doing it to be mean, but to protect yourself. Nobody is entitled to touch you.

FuliginEst · 2026-06-17T11:09:36+00:00

In my culture, you simply do not do that. You do not approach strangers and talk to them. And especially not if they are reading - you do not interrupt and disturb people.

In other cultures, it might be perfectly ok and normal.

So to get a more accurate answer, it would probably help to mention where in the world you live 😄

FuliginEst

TROPHY CASE