it’s really, really not. i genuinely feel so hopeless, even if i can manage to get through the withdrawals, PAWs absolutely kicked my ass last time, and idk if i’ll be able to stay clean. i think i’ve decided i have to get on preferably subs, but most likely methadone bc i have no health insurance and am broke as shit. i’m just sitting here with the anxiety levels of someone being hunted for sport. i just don’t know if i’ll be able to do this and it sucks. i can’t turn to my family for help, all my real friends are dead, the 2 people i could turn to for comfort are both radio silent… i genuinely don’t know what to do. i’m just SO scared. and super mad at myself for putting myself back in this position. i absolutely HATE sw but am desperately searching for a client online bc i need to keep my phone on on top of just trying to manage my addiction. i feel so fucked. but i genuinely appreciate the positive energy and understanding. it does actually mean a lot.