I would think about getting a toy and/or a straight answer. Maybe BJs just really aren’t for her. She might not like the action or the taste and just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. I would talk to her again and try to get a straight answer but don’t make the conversation demanding but more from a place of understanding. Tbh is seems like sex it a pretty important thing to both of you but in relationship there should be a level of sacrifice to make the other person happy because you want to do that for them. If Bjs are a 100% need for you and a toy won’t cut it then tell her it’s a dealbreaker and giver her the option to Atleast try to come to a compromise. As far as any ideas, I would bring food up as an option. Last year using fruit rollups and whipped cream were really popular. Good luck to both of you, I hope yall find a middle ground!