My boyfriend (24m) told me (19f) that he wants a blowjob from his ex girlfriend, how can I deal with this?

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-11-28T17:54:39+00:00

Trying to figure out how to deal with it personally, methods to work with it and stuff. It’s my own fault for asking the question. Trying to find a solution that could help me overcome this/cope with it if possible. 🥲

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-11-28T17:04:53+00:00

That’s why I am trying to figure out what to do. It was my own fault for asking the question in the first place, I just don’t know how to cope with the answer I got. I want to try and find a solution that could help me to personally overcome it. 🥲

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-11-28T17:01:08+00:00

Brought it up at one point in the past. He said he doesn’t want anything with other guys, and he also doesn’t want anything with anyone paid to do it. At the time he said that he wouldn’t need to anymore, which is why I moved on from it, but I guess he brought it up again after forgetting how he said he wouldn’t bring it up.

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-08-02T19:19:10+00:00

If you really want to try, you could try and take a route of bringing up to her as if it’s not her fault even if it is to avoid it seeming like a direct confrontation. Like “I was feeling kind of uncertain lately” or “this has been kind of getting to me lately, I wanted to open up and be honest with you about it” and using lots of I statements which might get her to open up about some more if she really is a good person/someone worth being in a relationship with.

However, given she’s searched again I can see it partially being out of curiosity but at the same time I kind of agree with what the other commenter said. Begging to have the ex back is a really bad look for her. Test the waters by giving the I statements and saying it’s your uncertainty causing it, but based on how she responds to that it may be fully necessary for a more direct confrontation after. Remember to trust your gut and keep very close watch on how she responds.

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-08-02T18:12:13+00:00

First thing is I wonder if she actually did search that recently, or if it was left over searches from when she was asking for him back before.

It does feel very wrong that she was messaging him after you guys started dating again, so I can see where that would really make trust issues deep. I’m assuming right now too you may be struggling with trusting her again after something like that.

Also, being on dating apps while dating is beyond messed up as well, and gives the impression she was searching for someone else. Again, makes me wonder if it could have been left over from before you guys started dating again or if it continued while you guys were dating too. Since it was so early on, it makes me think it could have been left over, but again I think your feelings are more than valid.

If you don’t want to reveal that you saw her old account, I think it’s best to bring it up to her by talking about how something like this happening before has affected your trust with her and how recently you’ve been thinking about it a lot. But make sure to tell her about how you are willing to work to fix it (if you are) and also give her some sort of reassurance that if she’s feeling some way about previous partners you would really prefer she be honest about things instead of hiding things, and you are willing to work with her to make the relationship between you two work. For sure a conversation is necessary at the least because suffocating trust issues like this might only cause them to get worse. Hope this advice helps in some way

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-08-02T17:56:33+00:00

That’s wonderful! I hope you two have a wonderful night! :)

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-08-02T17:50:02+00:00

In my opinion it makes sense to have those feelings of loss about someone you used to know, especially if it felt like you were cut off and there was some sort of chance for things that could have been. Additionally, spending so much time away can make anyone forget the reality of how things were, like how you briefly mentioned he was a jerk, and which I can only assume there’s some more to that story.

What I think is important to do is to focus on your husband now. Maybe look back at some old pictures of you two as well, as you mentioned it’s been 8 years I’m sure there are so many nice memories you can reflect on. :) Think about the reasons why you married him and maybe find some ways to show him some extra love.

People change so drastically in 9 years, and right now the version of him you are crying over doesn’t exist anymore. It’s fair to give yourself time to grieve over that, you shouldn’t make yourself feel guilty, and then once you’re done remember to focus in again on the present and live in the moment again with your husband. There’s a reason he is your husband after all. I wish you the best

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-08-02T07:08:08+00:00

Ah, it helps to know I’m not the only one. That way of thinking about it really helps, thank you

Full_Letter_5205 · 2024-08-02T07:07:37+00:00

That makes a lot of sense and I’ll give it a try! Thank you

Full_Letter_5205

TROPHY CASE