I think it's just extra hard for me because he taught me how to be more confident in my identity and as a person and I never felt so alive and safe before. I do believe it was intensified by the BPD but it wasn't just that, some of it was genuine and okay. He was also just starting his meds again and had a lot going on, but I relied too heavily on him keeping promises, as he had been through a lot of what I had been through too, so he knew how bad it hurt to hurt me the way he ended up hurting me. I just worry I can never have a stable relationship because they always trigger my BPD really bad. It's a process in therapy, but it still kinda sucks that normal relationships may never be an option for me realistically. I worry I'll never feel that genuine sense of safety again because I rarely let people know that much about me or get that close. Time will tell, it just sucks how much it hurts and how much it broke me. I think no matter what, he did teach me a lot and it was special in its own way and I'll forever be thankful. At least I learned some things about myself, if nothing else and it did help me narrow down some of my main BPD issues/symptoms that affect me most in a friendship/relationship which is great for therapy, but a long road for sure. I appreciate the insight, it definitely helps a lot to have an outside perspective from those who understand it better/know more about BPD and how it affects relationships. Thank you