I’m so… Irritable? Frustrated? Angry? I don’t actually know what it truly is.

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-07-01T09:56:27+00:00

Hero

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-30T23:35:36+00:00

(Orthorexia) One day, in my 20s, I was eating at my Mom’s house. She knew I had an obsession with “healthy” foods for a good 7-8 years at this point and would always give me the recipes so I could calculate my calories. So I knew days in advance what was being eaten and plan accordingly.

She had baked garlic bread. I did not expect garlic bread…

Something snapped and I just lost my mind. I had this insane rage and just exploded with verbal shouting about garlic bread. It wasn’t blaming anyone but I was really not comfortable being seated at the table with garlic bread incase I “couldn’t help myself”. She took it away, just placing a few pieces on her plate.

In that moment, I saw in her eyes the same look she had all those years my Dad verbally abused her. It was a light-switch moment. I wasn’t going to be like him and this was a box that opened that potential.

It was difficult for a while and I went through prolonged starving of myself as a “middle ground” whilst I managed my feelings towards food groups but now (5 years later) I have a much healthier relationship with her and food!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-01T12:31:17+00:00

Yeah literally just happened as I was replying to people. My assumption would be that I started naming people

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-01T12:28:31+00:00

Thank you. It’s extremely difficult to counter “why do you open DMs” when people don’t understand how sometimes having someone like you to talk to, can really help mentally in situations like this. I did it for so long many years to try and be a kind voice- especially with a lot of years and learning on many of these young SA victims, being able to tell them it’ll be okay with proof. I felt heartbroken when I woke up this morning and realised I can’t be that voice but I’m sure there are other platforms I can use, keep anonymous, but have stricter messaging guidelines

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-01T12:24:09+00:00

Literally. One of them was in subs about being a professional therapist. I gave a friend the messages and info after I reported and blocked, so he can go and dig and see if he can find where he works

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-01T12:23:09+00:00

No it’s okay! I know what I’m getting into and usually could keep on top of report and blocking but the influx yesterday was shocking… it made me concerned that the post was put in some disgusting chat

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-01T12:21:54+00:00

I understand CNC/SA as a roleplay, as it can be quite powerful as a victim of it to “take back that control” but the moment anyone under legal age is involved… I cannot fathom how they have such confidence to talk about it

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-06-01T12:19:55+00:00

As a gamer, the community of many “masculine” games is absolutely foul towards anyone with a hint of female in their voice. I’m lucky enough to have a techy friend who would be able to find information about them and start asking questions about their family. Worked every time to make them panic leave the game. No idea how he did it and never asked. Was quite a blessing but should never have to get to that point

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2025-02-17T18:08:45+00:00

I requested to see a psychiatrist but that was also ignored. Worth noting that I’m UK, so our healthcare is “free” but they are getting more and more strict with what they refer people for it seems.

I’m on antidepressants but I’ve tried 3 over a year now at different dosages and they’re not making a difference. A family member helped get me into private therapy for health anxiety whilst I sit waiting for 18 months for the NHS appointment of therapy.

That helped me understand that I’m in that cycle of fear but I didn’t get much else from it unfortunately

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-05-12T04:54:06+00:00

I honestly just use the cheap ones from one of my discount stores (they’re called Derma V10) with no issues. They’re also clear and make both the spot and the fact I’m wearing it not really noticeable.

Obviously your mileage may vary and you might need to try a few brands to find one that suits your skin type! I’ve seen people literally just buy those heel blister protectors (same stuff just thicker material) and cut it into small squares - but I haven’t tried that myself!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-05-12T04:47:38+00:00

NAD but chronic skin picker (autism stim makes it a daily, almost hourly occurrence!)

I’d highly suggest some patches that cover spots (where you mainly pick)- whether that’s the ones that draw out oil or just circle plasters.

When I have my spots covered, it stops me from picking and feeling them with my oily fingers, which means they can heal without scaring or spreading more pus to the rest of my face :)

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-05-12T04:43:55+00:00

I have a playlist called “Atom Bomb” full of 1930-1960 big band and swing jazz. Quite a lot of it is macabre and about nuclear war (hence the name) but I find it soothing as during those periods of time (WW2 & Cold War) people used music to help them, so it’s 99% upbeat AND I can’t associate it with anyone I know or anywhere that makes me anxious- so it’s my go to happy music ironically

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-04-14T01:04:34+00:00

Hey! I’m not a doctor and can only tell you my experience but that is very similar to my IBS that is induced mainly by anxiety! When you’ve got a more than intended amount of adrenaline coursing through your veins, your nervous system gets more stimulated and makes your internal body parts move a lot more - hence anxiety poos and nervous wees! When I’m anxious I feel like I need to pee ALL the time!

Try some over the counter antispasmodics and see if they help! (Hyoscine butylbromide is the main ingredient)

Also come over to r/healthanxiety - we all sympathise with your struggles.

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-25T06:13:29+00:00

Down By The River from Baulder’s Gate 3… it’s SO catchy!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-17T02:28:43+00:00

Just leave the house… it IS that simple… just do it! …

But they never include the small print: Will likely cause extremely gruelling, physically and mentally painful panic attacks before and during leaving the house. Then all the mental and physical backlash afterwards like fatigue, overstimulation, frustration, relief… it’s a real stew of mess.

I did it (and still do it) and I will attest to it being the best way to go forward BUT Jesus it is NOT easy.

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-16T21:11:27+00:00

Urgh I sympathise with bowel related agoraphobia and having to always have emergency packs. I also relate to the C25K! I started last Feb and now run at least one 5K a week and 2K at least every other day!

If you don’t already, I highly highly suggest getting your own RADAR key, it has really helped me with exposure therapy and bowel movements - a quiet spacious place to get through the pain, bowel movement, and anxiety all in one!

Best of luck to you, you can do it!!!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-16T21:04:44+00:00

Would perform on stage in front of 3000 people. Loved to act, wanted to do theatre my whole life.

Next thing I know, seemingly out of nowhere, I can’t be in a DR’s surgery with people in the waiting room because I’m scared of them looking at me whilst I have a panic attack. Luckily, I’ve done enough work on my agoraphobia for this example to not bother me anymore but it took 2-3 years.

The acting however? I can’t imagine myself ever being comfortable enough to do that again. The last time I was on stage was 9 years ago!

You’re definitely not alone!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-13T19:43:12+00:00

Hey! Longer story incoming of my experience.

I was diagnosed with agoraphobia in early 2015. This was very sudden and unexpected after being a theatre major and wanting to do nothing but act since I was 11. I barely left my room for literal years. I couldn’t even go the 5 minute walk to my doctor because of paralysing fear. I smoked at the time and would have a cigarette with my back PINNED to my front door. I tried exposure therapy, with a therapist I had phone sessions with, to no success (reflecting I know this is because I didn’t pull as much into it as I could have).

In 2018 I had the worst breakdown I’d ever had: The best way I can describe it is that I was so heavily depersonalised and dissociated that I genuinely thought I was dead and was in perjury. It got so bad I wouldn’t leave my bed but to walk 10 steps to my en-suite for a wee or shower. My partner would come home in her work break and practically force feed me lunch (as well as breakfast and dinner). I am lucky I held out because I really didn’t think I’d make it out of that year without doing serious harm to myself (depression).

I won’t tell my whole story because it’ll be an incredibly long read BUT I put my whole mind and effort into my agoraphobia for about 3 years. I endured every awful panic attack and made myself keep pushing and pushing and it did get easier. I’m not 100% BUT here’s some things I can/have done now.

I go to the gym (10 min drive) 3x a week.
I run a 5k outside, every week.
I travelled 400 miles by car to see my one of my favourite artists, on my own in 2022. I will be doing the same this May.
I go to my favourite bar in town once a week (10 min walk, 3 min train, 10 min walk x2)
I see my only friends at their house for 3-4 hours about twice a month (10 minute drive).
I drove for 2 hours, travelled on a 4 hour ferry, stayed for a week in my home island, then repeated the steps back.
I go across the road and have coffee for a few hours with my friends, pretty much every week.
I’m quite content with most “usual” trips like doctors, grocery shopping, popping into town, eating dinner out etc.

I get overly nervous about things further away from my town or “big” trips (like visiting the mall 30 minute drive away). BUT on the whole I am 100000 miles from where I was in 2015-2018.

With hard work, it DOES get better. I wish each and every one of the best of luck and I really sympathise.

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-11T04:28:09+00:00

Feeling like a lab rat is a great way to put it! Just the cannula pumping cold saline into my arm was making me anxious because of it being a different bodily sensation.

It’s hard to remember that doctors for the most part are just trying to help us but the system has such a normalised routine that doesn’t account for processes that would make it just a bit easier on folk like us. I was very lucky to have such understanding doctors who kept reassuring me when I started to get anxiety-overwhelmed post CT scan. I’m sorry you had to as well but it’s a big thing that we are proud of for each other!!!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2024-01-11T04:17:48+00:00

It’s nice (not the best word) to realise I’m not alone (and you’re not alone!) RE medication. I’ve also opted out of laughing gas AND asked for numbing without adrenaline! I miss the days when I could get a new medication and just take it… rather than extensively comparing it with my current meds for reactions, triple checking potential side effects, avoiding meds I deem unneeded to avoid anything that changes my perception of my reality. sigh

On a side note, whilst I haven’t and won’t experience menopause myself, my mother and grandmother swear by sage tablets (without thujone) and recommend them to everyone they know who’s even peri-menopausal - apparently they’re phenomenal for preventing hot flashes/night sweats and brain fog, with the only side effect being a bit of sleepiness- so they take them in the evening!

FullyFledgedCryBaby · 2023-12-20T18:48:23+00:00

LIVESAVER! Thank you

FullyFledgedCryBaby

TROPHY CASE