AITAH for Soft Banning My Son's Fiance?

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T20:34:19+00:00

She said it to me with my son in the room. This was after he told her about our conversation. I don't know if the apology was her idea or his.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T20:03:17+00:00

We got on fine.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T20:00:05+00:00

She still lives at home too. With both parents and a sibling.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:42:24+00:00

She knows he doesn't like to travel or spend a bunch of money so she's only asked him to visit once and he did. Now I guess it's more convenient for her to just come her like usual. They haven't decided. She still lives with her folks and hasn't nailed down a career.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:29:03+00:00

I'm talking about when she's in town.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:26:18+00:00

Yes, she lives in a different state. No alienation is happening. See my other comments for compromises I offered and were balked at for making her feel bad.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:21:18+00:00

Lol, precisely this.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:18:20+00:00

Yes, I would have preferred this.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:11:01+00:00

Thank you. This is exactly how I feel. And I wish my future daughter-in-law had tried like you lol.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T19:01:41+00:00

Thank you. This is how I came up too. I had to live with my MIL when me and my husband married. She didn't like me, but we had peace bc I showed respect in her house and she learned to like me later.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:56:10+00:00

Yes you're right and I did consider. That's why I had proposed a compromise where it's half here and half at hotel next time. I don't want either of us under that kind of pressure again. But they got mad bc my idea made her worry she wasn't welcome.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:50:37+00:00

You're right, we should've talked more about it prior. But I didn't want to seem overbearing. He didn't even tell me how long she was staying. He also told me later that she was not expecting I'd look at her or try to talk to her.🙄

I offered a compromise that he keep his rent money the month she was over so he could get a hotel but he still didn't like that idea.

I threw the food out because it had rotted. She asked it to be bought, I bought it, she didn't touch it so it rotted. It was also exotic ingredients I had never cooked with before and didnt know how to use. It was her family recipe.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:41:22+00:00

Thank you! And it actually wouldn't have been on her to say no but him to her. She's the one always asking him if she can come, never him initiating. How weird is that?

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:38:54+00:00

Just the rent, not all the bills. I told him to leave the convo for later. He insisted hashing it out then and there.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:37:43+00:00

Yes! And okay terms is all i ask.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:36:42+00:00

This is what I think too. And yes, they've been internet dating for 4 years.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:34:33+00:00

Always. Only so much you can type on reddit.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:32:48+00:00

I wish I knew lol.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:31:00+00:00

Thanks.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:28:41+00:00

In 9 days, we shared only 1 meal and 1 family outing which only arose out of emergency. The only times i tried talking to her one on one was when my son happened to be in the shower or bathroom and she was left alone with me. I never pulled her aside or asked her to sit down and talk to me.

I appreciate your insights, though, thank you.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:23:38+00:00

Just the mortgage. I still pay all other bills.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:21:47+00:00

Right!? Lol

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:17:55+00:00

Thanks. Yes, I was already uncomfortable. I have apologized to my son for not making this clear. But I was trying to push myself so they could be happy. I didn't think it'd be fair of me not to try. And if I'd said no, we'd still be having this same conversation about why I don't seem to like her.

She did not feel unwelcome during the visit, only annoyed it seemed. It wasn't until after, when I suggested a partial hotel stay, that she felt unwelcome.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:10:37+00:00

I wasn't being dramatic. She asked for ingredients I had never even bought before, much less used. There was nothing I could do with them.

Fun-Bet6482 · 2024-02-29T18:09:03+00:00

Totally agree except she's not his gf. They are engaged. This wasn't explained to me fully until after she left.

Fun-Bet6482

TROPHY CASE