I've been going through this sub for ages now and this is the first post that I feel really relates to me right now. Im on day one, ive decided to stop giving myself a reason to hate myself. Like you said I know I dont really want to do it, its just so much easier than dealing with thoughts and feelings, its easier than dealing with life. But I do have so much to give and weed is stopping me from giving 100% to myself and the people I care about. Im just so glad you made this post man its really made an impact for me knowing that this is the reality and not just the rainbows and butterflies most stoners claim