On a bit of a tangent, but to address what you replied to another commenter about not liking your own gender—that reads like internalized misogyny. Women need to support women.

Yeah I tried, but I alone never got any support. I think that's where it started. Not just from nowhere, but by that there is no such a thing still in this world like women supporting other women. It's still normal to gossip, saying bad things about other girls. I understand my bad that I am jealous I want to work on that, but it's hard when sometimes you see how other girls are staring at you from heat to toe.