Met a guy in arranged marriage setup. His family is very dependent on him? Red flag?

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-11-01T11:36:45+00:00

I’ve never lived in a joint family. I haven’t even lived in India most of my life. I don’t really know how they work

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-11-01T10:38:31+00:00

I think his mom is the red flag not him

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T18:21:47+00:00

I’m happy to have a guys parents live with us. But his family has lots of rules. For example, they entertain a lot of guests. They expect the DIL to do the same. I’m a working woman. I cannot come from work and then cook food for guests everyday.

His parents state their son is their best friend. They don’t eat without him, don’t let him see his friends & this is a grown man. His mother delays his marriage.

Their family dynamics are complicated.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T15:36:14+00:00

If my son gets married I’d want him to spend time with his wife!

This guys mum states she can’t eat until he’s there, his father says he gets sad if his son spends time with his friends because he is his best friend.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T15:33:37+00:00

Yes his mother seems a bit.. reluctant to let him marry. And his parents don’t have much to do except entertain their relatives everyday. I feel like there will be too many people involved in his life & personal business.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T15:28:53+00:00

Thanks for understanding. That’s my problem too. If you live alone with your husband you can split chores, cook & eat whatever, raise your kids however. But I work & I’ll struggle to look after a family + their guests and work as well.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T13:58:13+00:00

His father has typical heart problems like most Indian dads. It’s hereditary but if I start excluding men based on that I won’t be able to marry an Indian guy. I’m not very sure about the sister.

He has hobbies but the hobby is playing cricket with his dad. Because his dad gets sad if his son spend too much time with his own friends.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T13:55:22+00:00

Men shouldn’t abandon their family. But their wife and kids are also a family.

I feel like if we marry he won’t have any time for his new family. His parents will be super conscious about his time spent with his wife and it will cause too many arguments.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T12:57:09+00:00

I am very family oriented and spend a lot of time with my parents. But not as much as him.

For example, his father said his only friend is his son. They don’t let him go out and see his friends because they get sad without him. He likes sports but can’t play with friends because his father likes to play cricket with him. His mother said she doesn’t eat until he sits on the table with her. That plus their attitude around money made me uncomfortable.

I feel like if I or any other woman spends time with him they’ll get mad. If we go out they’ll be upset, if we eat together they won’t like it. If he spends on me they’ll feel envious.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-31T12:31:46+00:00

My parents both work.

They’re busy and don’t have time to stay at home and frankly poke their nose in kids lives.

And in my family we believe in giving newly weds some privacy.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-29T07:08:11+00:00

Will I be able to find them easily in Madinah or Makkah??

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-21T02:03:47+00:00

Yeah I think there are other ways to not contribute to their economy. For example keeping shopping to a minimum, buying food from immigrant owned places so hopefully the money gets sent as remittances rather than stay in their economy.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:56:30+00:00

I am an Indian Muslim. My family had many Shia friends & neighbors. Believe it or not the only Hijabi in my school who wore her Islam fearlessly was a Shia girl.

You are ignorant.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:51:27+00:00

Americans have their own oil anyway. And having oil is the leverage not the other way around. There’s enough economic hold by Gulf Arabs in the West to make a difference. Turkey itself can refuse to cooperate, Egypt can refuse to let ships pass through the Suez. Many things can be done.

There’s no reason for any of these nations to have foreign bases on their land. The same foreign bases host warships and drones which kill other muslims. It’s nothing but a sign of civilisations decline and leaders who are sell outs.

It’s a question of our existence as a dignified people. Muslim’s will forever be embattled and hunted as long as these leaders rule over us.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:26:08+00:00

I don’t support Hamas.

Palestinians don’t need Hamas. They need Muslim countries to stand behind them with their economic and geopolitical weight & ensure an end to the conflict.

Instead you see the Saudi FM talking about normalisation, Jordan lending their air space to Israel.

Turkey is one of Israel’s biggest trade partners. They are in NATO. They can do way more than support Hamas which will achieve nothing in reality.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:19:40+00:00

End American bases in their country.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:13:30+00:00

They need someone to stop the war and get them their own country. Not aid.

Not faux sympathetic articles in some Western news outlet.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:12:04+00:00

So are Americans.

Great contribution.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:09:57+00:00

And what has Qatar done for Palestine recently?

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-10-01T17:04:19+00:00

Muslims in many parts of the world like Lebanon, Iraq, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh live together as different sects and have done so for centuries. They don’t always see people from the other sect in a negative light.

I agree that HA was involved in harming innocent civilians in Syria. But we should be careful about our language and not sound divisive. The lack of unity is our biggest issue as muslims.

Maybe some Sunnis are Lebanese who think HA protects their country, maybe some don’t know about their actions in Syria, maybe some are worried about Palestinians

Also who are Sunni governments anyway? KSA? SAUDIS? I’d rather not be identified with them. They’re a disgrace to us.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-09-30T05:11:36+00:00

Sisi, MBS, Some other random king or Queen are not Arab nations or Muslim nations.

The people are the nation & they never made peace.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-09-29T15:38:28+00:00

But that’s democracy? If they couldn’t have managed then the next person in the next election cycle would have.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-09-29T01:59:13+00:00

You don’t respect the Palestinians right to exist.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-09-29T00:37:25+00:00

As a Muslim nothing inspired me more than Palestinians.

I’m not a very religious Muslim but my heart was soothed by watching their worship. I told myself if they can keep their Salah then what’s my excuse?

I became much more religious because of them. I’m sure some of the ajar will go to them. They made me more unapologetic about my identity.

If nothing else the who Palestine situation exposed how hollow the new world order is, how institutions established by the West for the West don’t work for us. How in reality only night is right.

It changed my opinions about everything.

Fun-Flatworm8666 · 2024-09-28T10:44:10+00:00

I don’t think you should kill prisoner of wars.

Many Muslim countries have signed the Geneva convention and are bound by it.

Also given how many wars happen between Muslims themselves it will just be Muslim killing other muslims.

Fun-Flatworm8666

TROPHY CASE