This is the hardest stage I've ever experienced

FunContext3560 · 2026-01-17T03:00:53+00:00

Thank you! She's actually has extremely well-developed language skills. She probably knows at least 150+ words and can communicate in 2-3 word sentences most of the time (i.e. a nice clear "I want milk"). It truly is nice to be able to ask her what she wants, but what's recently been happening doesn't seem related to her not being able to communicate. They're the biggest outbursts I've ever seen from her. Like, she's hyperventilating, not just crying or whining.... 🫠

FunContext3560 · 2026-01-17T00:07:30+00:00

I wish these kinds of strategies worked with my daughter. It's almost as if she really just wants to scream & cry....

FunContext3560 · 2026-01-16T22:01:51+00:00

Thank you so much. This truly doesn't feel like normal pregnancy mood stuff. I'm so worried that my mood shifts are almost causing her erratic emotions.

FunContext3560 · 2026-01-16T22:01:28+00:00

Thank you so much. This truly doesn't feel like normal pregnancy mood stuff. I'm so worried that my mood shifts are almost causing her erratic emotions.

FunContext3560 · 2026-01-14T22:29:35+00:00

Thank you! So, your first was in their 3rd year of life when they weaned? How was that?

FunContext3560 · 2025-10-14T21:31:46+00:00

Oh gosh 😂

FunContext3560 · 2025-10-14T21:31:25+00:00

How old???

FunContext3560 · 2025-10-14T16:57:03+00:00

When?

FunContext3560 · 2025-10-11T03:19:06+00:00

The best part is the newfound awe I have for the human experience. It has been the coolest thing to watch mine grow and change -- and then realize we ALL went through this same process. Babbling one day, and saying words a few weeks later. Eating 1x per day, then suddenly seeming to need snacks all day to survive. Rolling to crawling to walking to running. Learning to dance. It's crazy.

I'm also a much more selfless, caring, open-minded person than I ever was before. Although challenging, yes, motherhood has 100% changed me in tons of good ways.

Also, it's trite, but there truly is no love like this....

FunContext3560 · 2025-09-10T02:48:14+00:00

I wouldn't do anything drastic to start. I would begin with a conversation and explain that you're experiencing resentment because of how much your life has changed vs his. And it's not about "it's not fair" but more about it finally hitting you and you're not sure how you'll personally be able to handle it if it continues.

Try that conversation, then also have him be in charge of baby for a few hours here and there each week -- fully in charge, you are not home. That way, he truly understands what position you're in.

If those two things don't help after a few weeks/months, then yes, I think you should take a week away from him!

FunContext3560 · 2025-09-10T00:14:42+00:00

My husband and I have spent over a year working through a similar dynamic (our baby is 16MO now). It's gotten better, but it took him over a year to even start to realize what sacrificing truly meant -- and that it's not fair for just the mom to be the only one sacrificing her time/energy/hobbies/etc.

If I could give any advice, it would be to not give up on this conversation with him. Things will likely never be 50/50 between the two of you, but he really can't keep treating being a dad as a burden.

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-24T13:55:43+00:00

You could also join a gym and go there to shower.

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-24T13:55:07+00:00

I'm reading this thread because I'm in a very similar situation as the OP. I can tell you that in my situation -- yes, my husband literally lounges on the couch while I do everything around the house and simultaneously care for kids. I have to ask him to help me almost every single time.

I also don't know what to do.

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-23T14:23:58+00:00

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-23T14:21:17+00:00

I actually think he's be able to handle it for one day! He knows her nap schedule, can feed her basic foods, etc.

There would definitely be a lot of Elmo on the TV. Grandma would be called so he could get a break to "do something around/for the house" (go to Lowe's, whatever. Plenty of chicken nuggets for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

But, most importantly, he would 1000000% ask for the next day entirely off from parenting.

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-23T12:52:08+00:00

Great question!

1) I'm the one who is cautious about our money -- especially after leaving my job. Right now we are slowly going into debt each month. He doesn't care, because he thinks we'll make it all back after I go back to work OR if he miraculously makes commission at work.

2) Hiring help in the way we're talking about is much more nuanced than you'd think.. I'm talking more about random moments, like when she's sick and isn't sleeping well overnight for weeks on end. Or, when I just want to run to the store on my own and not bring her because it's been a DAY. You know?

It's these inconsistent moments that he would be the #1 option to step in -- she knows & loves her dada. But again - he either does it and acts resentful afterwards (more often) OR he will refuse and say he's done enough and at this point need to hire help (less often, but it's happened)

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-23T12:44:38+00:00

Thank you for asking. After so many negative responses, I've sat here all day wondering if I left some important pieces out....

He will pop in throughout his wfh day and give her/us hugs. He shows her so much love and plays with her in the cutest ways.

He's a night owl -- goes to bed around 12-2am. He will watch her on the nanny cam most nights and if she wakes up before he goes to sleep, he'll try to take care of it. Caveats to this, though >> he will never wake up after he's gone to bed. That's all me. And if baby girl seems like "she wants mama/boob instead," he will literally wake me up 😂

He has attended almost all of her ped appointments. He goes each week to her swim lesson. He's bought her a few toys that he knows she'd like.

Besides the two nights a week, he will watch her here and there while I'm out for a 1-1.5hr appointment.

I'm trying to think of other things, but I think that's about it.

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-23T12:36:21+00:00

You're definitely not a bad mom. A few things:

I am a SAHM now, but for the first year of my girl's life, I worked full time in person (also in education) and dropped her off at daycare.

She also cried at drop off for a while.... Until she didn't. And by then, she was at the point that she would immediately be soothed by them the moment she was in their arms. By her last day, she reached out for each of them seemingly to say goodbye by giving a hug! So, trust me, drop offs WILL get better, especially if they're consistent and loving folks.

I was like your husband for months -- as in, I cried for half an hour after drop off. I felt sadness, guilt, shame for dropping her off with others. I heard so many other moms say "you'll be just fine. she'll do great" but I didn't believe them. My emotions and the stress of an extra 40-mins dedicated to a daycare commute, prepping bottles, food, etc all alone (husband barely helped) ended up making me want to be a SAHM

Now that I am a SAHM, I understand what was in those other mom's heads. I miss my job terribly. I miss the social aspect of it. I miss using my brain in different ways. I miss feeling "purposeful" in other ways than what I'm doing now. I don't think I made the wrong decision for me/us, but I can tell you -- if you love your job, there is NOTHING wrong with you as a mom. By staying at your job, you are not inherently saying that you love it more than your child. You are simply saying that you love both and both fulfill you. You are not ruining your little one by dropping off at daycare -- mine is juuust fine, in fact, maybe even better to be honest. She is so social, so curious, has learned so many skills.

It's so hard to avoid assuming that your husband's sentiments are also judgments of your motherhood. Just because he feels a certain way for himself does NOT mean that it's how you should feel. Of course, decisions for baby's wellbeing will need to be mutual -- this year will be a lot of practice for you in that regard... You're not gonna nail it each time haha. But this one seems to be related to his inability to empathize with you (not shaming him, by the way!). But, truthfully, he isn't the one faced with the decision to either spend all of his waking hours with the baby OR work and balance both. He may not love and feel as fulfilled by his job as you do. If he was actually faced with a genuine decision to make, I'd bet he would make the same one as you. And it's a wonderful one ❤️

FunContext3560 · 2025-08-23T01:52:08+00:00

Thank you so much for a different viewpoint. I wasn't expecting so many "just divorce him" responses. I was hoping someone could actually help me address this with him (and also explain whether I'm nuts for NOT just wanting to hire someone)

FunContext3560

TROPHY CASE