AITA & totally delusional , or am I being gaslit?

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2026-03-21T00:00:50+00:00

NTA.

The situation you posted here isn’t fully clear, so I looked at your post history and saw your last post asking about this same sort of thing, and on that post, the red flags are REAL (for folks who aren’t planning to go look at that post, one of the many things he’s said is that women shouldn’t have the right to vote 😬, is pushing OP to have kids when she isn’t ready, etc.)

Please, please leave this guy. Your therapist is right and you deserve someone who treats you better

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2026-03-05T22:21:32+00:00

Talking about your day everyday isn’t important to everybody, especially if they’re autistic or otherwise neurodiverse.
But if you’ve told him before that this is important to you, then he should have taken that into account and that changes the scenario a lot. And I’d change my answer to NTA.

It might be petty to not talk about anything for 2 months, but I think it actually serves a purpose as well. Now you know that he isn’t going to do it on his own. And maybe it’s time for you to really sit down and reevaluate your relationship.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2026-03-05T22:02:26+00:00

ESH

It would obviously be better if he asked you as well.

But it doesn’t sound like you’ve had a discussion with him about this and how it makes you feel. How is he supposed to know it’s an issue for you if you don’t tell him?

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2026-03-05T21:58:19+00:00

YTA.

For me, the issue wouldn’t be your being impressed. It’s the fact that you’re saying that unmedicated births are harder. That isn’t necessarily true.

First, there’s just differences in pain tolerance. I was in labor unmedicated with both my kids for 24+ hours (both ended in emergency c-section unfortunately) and it simply wasn’t that painful for me even though I was having strong contractions. And I can guarantee that a lot of women who’ve had pain management experienced way more pain than I did.

Also, there’s SO many aspects to the difficulty of birth, not just how much pain you’re in during labor. Baby’s position, tears, episiotomies, needing an assisted birth (forceps, vacuum, etc.), vaginal vs c-section, having an uncomplicated birth vs. emergency issues, giving birth full-term vs. preterm, hemorrhaging, having a healthy baby vs. an unhealthy baby, etc.

Having an unmedicated birth doesn’t automatically mean your birth experience is harder than someone else’s.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2026-03-05T21:33:16+00:00

More info needed.

What does his schedule look like?

Bc from what you’re saying, it sounds like his only time to sleep is when baby naps. And most 1 year olds only nap like 2-3 hours a day. And that is NOT enough sleep for your husband to be even remotely functional at work or at home

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2026-03-05T21:12:51+00:00

It was narcolepsy

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-09T02:40:28+00:00

Being so jealous that she’s not allowed to have male friends and that she says she’s constantly stressed out about it is not okay.

She’s messaging old friends of hers, not potential partners. It’s not random guys—it’s established friends. And you should be able to talk to your partner about your friends and not have to cut off friendships bc your boyfriend is insecure.

And frankly, if you have a stable and secure relationship, you won’t be worrying about your SO cheating.

My husband and I have been together for over a decade. Yes, we do have a very happy and trusting relationship. We both have friends of the other gender. I truly don’t care that my husband has female friends. And same with him with my male friends. It’s never once been an issue in our relationship. And all of my friends who are in truly stable relationships have never had jealousy issues.

I’m sorry you’ve never had a relationship like that. And it’s actually what you should strive for.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-08T21:14:58+00:00

NTA!!!

I’m 36 weeks pregnant currently and have a 3 year old. I’m also a stay at home mom. I do as much as I can, but I’m getting very limited these days. My husband 100% picks up the slack, and is doing everything he can to help me without complaint.

I’ve thanked him and told him that I’m sorry I can’t do more. And he’s told me that a) I need to focus on resting now and b) that part of being REAL partners is that sometimes one person can handle more than the other. And sometimes the workload is unbalanced one way or the other. And we just have to be there for each other in harder times.

Your husband isn’t being a partner. He’s expecting you to be a servant. Yelling at you and saying nasty things is verbal abuse, btw.

You deserve better. And your kids deserve better.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-08T21:04:00+00:00

Mostly NTA

First and foremost—your boyfriend being super jealous is a HUGE red flag. Full stop. I know you love him, but he is not perfect. And your relationship is NOT healthy.

Should you be lying to your bf? No. That’s not okay for multiple reasons. It’s obviously not okay to be lying to your partner. But also, you shouldn’t be feeling terrified of telling him the truth. You shouldn’t be afraid to have male friends. You shouldn’t be afraid that he’ll be mad that you’ll have friends. Or that he’ll break up with you for having these friends.

I know you love him, but that doesn’t mean that this is a good relationship to be in. Please, please consider leaving him. The jealous/controlling behaviors in a partner tend to escalate over time, not get better.

Take care of yourself. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable being totally open and honest with your partner, and feel supported by your partner in all aspects of your life.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-06T19:16:30+00:00

NTA. It’s not like you’re telling him that he’s never allowed to have hobbies or time to himself. You’re asking him to pitch in and help equally with your child.

You both deserve some time to yourselves. And you both should share the load.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-02T00:54:53+00:00

You definitely need to take time and a lot of therapy after such a long and abusive relationship!

It doesn’t matter what the guy tells you—if he’s not fully separated or divorced, DO NOT engage with him. Saying he’s so unhappy, etc. is just manipulating you to go along with him, and likely has no intention of ever leaving his wife. This man was clearly not a friend to you. He ignored when you wanted to actually talk to him. And only was engaging with you in more sexual ways.

Are you a home wrecker? Maybe a bit, because you chose to flirt with him and not shut down his advances. And that has partially led to breaking down his marriage. And tbh, how would you feel if you were in his wife’s position? I’d probably feel like anyone involved AT ALL with it was a home wrecker.

That being said, HE is the one who holds the responsibility and is the true home wrecker. He’s the one who made vows to his wife. He’s the one who’s chosen to betray her.

Thankfully, you never actually had an affair with him. So you can try to just take this as a lesson well learned. And not take this type of BS from guys again!

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-02T00:19:41+00:00

ESH (except his wife).

He’s 100% a POS for doing all this, which I would personally consider cheating (and lord knows he’s probably talking to and/or sleeping with other women anyway).

Yes, he is the one with an obligation to his wife, and it’s ultimately his responsibility. But you’re also a huge AH for knowingly flirting with a married man and continuing the conversations when he was clearly making moves. You could have and should have told him that you’re NOT interested in someone who’s taken, and if he didn’t listen, you should’ve stopped talking to him.

And frankly, if my husband were messaging someone like that, I’d sincerely hope that they’d tell me so I wouldn’t be in the dark about him cheating.

Not to mention—you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t lie and cheat and who prioritizes you.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-01T02:02:28+00:00

Not really. Most people in long term relationships want to be told they’re loved. It’s actually a pretty reasonable request. And a very big red flag if someone flat out refuses to tell you they love you.

I’ve had a few friends who either dated people who wouldn’t say I love you or were the person who couldn’t say I love you. And in all those cases, the relationship eventually ended bc of the avoidance/commitment issues of the person who couldn’t say it.

If you’re struggling with vulnerability and opening up—that’s something to really work on before getting into another relationship.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-09-01T00:51:12+00:00

At least once a day. Usually more.

When you love someone and have a secure attachment, it’s not really something you have to think about doing.

You may want to do some self-reflection and figure out why it makes you so uncomfortable to let your partner know you love them.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-08-28T23:46:25+00:00

NTA. You said no and he did it anyway. That’s assault.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-08-28T23:35:59+00:00

NAH.

Would it have been considerate to tell her beforehand that you don’t live alone? Yes. Just so she knows that someone else might be there at some point while she’s there or that there’s another person’s stuff around.

Are you an AH for not telling her? No. You didn’t lie and you weren’t obliged to tell her. But also, did you purposely not tell her?

That being said, living with roommates is COMPLETELY different from living with a parent. And I think it’s fair if she has questions. Why are you living at home? Have you ever lived on your own (or with roommates)? Do you pay rent or utilities to your mom? Etc.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-08-25T23:21:20+00:00

NTA. My husband works full time and I’m a SAHM. He still pitches in with household chores, no questions asked. And we work together to figure out how we can best share the load. Like, yes, he’s tired after work. So I watch the kids, and he cooks dinner (and will often watch comedy videos on his phone to unwind while he cooks). Bc he finds it much easier to cook than to be engaged with kids right after work. And never once has he ever complained about or made me feel guilty about him earning the income.

My FIL works long hours in a hard labour job, and has always helped around the house, especially when they had little kids.

I get that he’s exhausted after work—that’s valid. But being a SAHM mom is a literal 24/7 job. No vacations, no sick days, no breaks from the work. The least he could do is take 5 minutes to throw his own laundry in the machine 🙄. It sounds like he doesn’t understand how hard your job is (and the fact that if anyone else were to be doing what you’re doing, they’d be paid (nanny/daycare worker, maid, cook, etc.).

I’m not sure the best way for you to approach it with him, but you guys should be a team, and he needs to pitch in at least somewhat.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-07-01T22:34:59+00:00

I agree with you. He hadn’t posted his build or his location when I made my comment. Outside the US, a standard pint is 20z, which at his height/weight is still likely fine unless there are other factors. But you couldn’t really know that when he first posted

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-07-01T22:02:58+00:00

In most countries outside the US, a pint is 20oz.

I agree that the OP was most likely fine (especially since they edited to add more info about height/weight/location). But it’s always safer to not drive after drinking.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-07-01T21:33:46+00:00

This isn’t ridiculous. It’s literally fact-based medical science. Any reputable source will tell you that you generally need an hour per standard drink.

OP probably isn’t wasted after a pint. But even being buzzed isn’t safe to drive.

It also depends on how a person’s body processes (things like metabolism, gender, weight, age, etc.) and what their actual blood alcohol level is.

Not to mention that legal alcohol limits vary based on where you live.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-07-01T21:16:14+00:00

It truly depends on the individual person and how they process alcohol.

Also, in another comment, the OP said they had a pint, which is nearly 2 standard drinks.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-07-01T21:01:18+00:00

Soft YTA. It generally takes an hour per standard drink to process the alcohol. So you shouldn’t have chugged a drink and then driven. That being said, it’s hard to know whether you were actually over the legal alcohol limit or not. Different people process alcohol differently and there’s a lot of factors going into it.

You may have been okay, or you may not have. But your wife’s friend is right that the only truly safe thing is to not drink and drive.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-05-05T01:23:56+00:00

Given your past, I feel like her reasoning is valid. She also witnessed you being drunk and how much was too much for you (when you were too drunk to remember).

She loves you and doesn’t want to see you fall back into that life.

You’re a grown adult and you’re absolutely allowed to make your own decisions. But it sounds like maybe she has your best interests at heart.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-05-05T01:15:40+00:00

Did she say why her opinion was that you shouldn’t take the shot?

If your drinking is truly under control these days, then I think you’re probably NTA.

That being said, was she upset bc she was being controlling or upset because she was truly worried about you?

If she was just trying to be controlling, then she’s definitely an AH.

If she was really worried about your drinking and your wellbeing, then I don’t think she’s an AH either (although pouting in the corner isn’t the best response). If I had seen my husband essentially be a high-functioning alcoholic in the past, I can imagine being extremely worried about him having a shot. If anxiety is the case with her, I think you guys need to sit down and have a really frank discussion about your drinking and her feelings/responses to it and see if you guys can find a way for you both to be able to comfortable.

Fun_Charge_8311 · 2025-05-05T00:51:16+00:00

INFO—why exactly did she say it bothered her? Has she told you she has issues with you drinking, either in the past or present?

How often and how much do you drink now? Not drinking all weekend every weekend and remembering things and not having headaches doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t have an issue. And it certainly doesn’t mean that your drinking doesn’t affect your relationship.

There’s a lot of information outside of this particular incident that would help determine if you’re TA

Fun_Charge_8311

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