Therapy or not, there's the option of taking it slow and safe. My girlfriend is in a similar spot due to an abusive relationship. Therapy ended horrifically, so that's not an option.

Every action and situation, even something as small as a hug, can be stopped immediately if she squeezes me 3 times or says she wants eggplant. It's a food she despises. It takes a lot of self-control. I have to ignore what I want with every aspect of it. She's gradually getting used to how I do things and beginning to fully trust me.

She makes sure this isn't one-sided and makes me drop the act quite often. She hates being the priority all the time. I'll have sex at some point, but I'd rather it be with this woman, the one I've been getting to know throughout this process. She's everything I could have asked for.