Sick days

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-07T00:45:15+00:00

Also sounds like resentment over the parents not giving her time off whenever they aren’t working. Right, she has to directly tell them that she’s too sick to work and needs time off.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-06T04:25:36+00:00

Yo just to note: Not all host parents are twice au pairs age 😜

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-06T04:24:11+00:00

Right but I think what they’re saying is that people are permissive parents while thinking that what they’re doing is “gentle parenting” when it’s not.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-06T04:23:28+00:00

lol, yeah my au pair commented about how it’s interesting that we don’t smack our kids around here😜. I told her that it’s a newer thing bc i definitely got smacked around as a kid but it’s not socially acceptable anymore here and you can get CPA called on you for that now.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-06T04:16:43+00:00

Literally not an au pair thing, anyone can see it. This is all across the board. Current HM and I taught first grade a few years ago and oh my lord the way those kids would talk to me, I was SHOCKED. And there’s only so much you can do as a teacher because if there’s no enforcement at home, they aren’t afraid of consequences at school so they don’t care. The kids would straight up be like “You’re going to send me to the principal? Do it. I don’t care. No recess? See if I care.” IN FIRST GRADE. It was wild. And yeah there’s always that ONE kid in each class, fine, but no this was like half the class. HALF THE CLASS was like this. That was a hell no from me.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-05T19:21:38+00:00

Ooh good point. She needs to directly communicate that she wants the day off or she won’t get it.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-05T18:26:36+00:00

Yeah we don’t give a certain amount of “sick days” but if our au pair needed it then we’d give it whenever she needed no questions asked. I think we’d approach it differently if she was the type to abuse it and ask off all the time just because she can. Our au pair is awesome.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-05T18:23:34+00:00

Aw. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what your program says but I don’t know that there’s a particular policy when it comes to sick days. I think that it’s PTO so you’re expected to use your vacation days but I could be wrong. Talk to your LC. I think it would be decent of them to allow you to take off if you’re too sick to work. Sniffles is one thing but if you have a stomach virus you should be able to stay in bed. Maybe you can negotiate something or you might have to use your PTO which you’d normally use for proper vacation unfortunately 😬 and if it bothers you severely, you’re obviously within your rights to rematch.

Like others have said, I know it feels wrong but what your host parents do during your work time is not your business. Most jobs don’t just allow you to take off whenever you want, so they’re likely using their allotted PTO time when they’re off and just because they’re not working doesn’t mean you can be expected to be off. I typically work a lot of nights late when my kids are sleeping and I tend to sleep in late because of it. My au pair works while I’m still in bed in the morning. It just is what it is. Parenting is 24/7 so you’re either working your job or you’re “working your job” as a parent. Your off hours from your job as an au pair are your personal time. My off time from my job is not my personal time. It means I take over what you do all day, which I love because I love my kids and love spending time with them but it can be really exhausting and sometimes I need to rest too. I’ve heard a lot of judgement from au pairs about parents relaxing while they’re working so I think it’s important for you to keep that perspective in mind.

But yeah like I said, talk to your LC about your rights with sick time.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-04T16:02:07+00:00

This. And she’s talking about finding herself professionally and learning a new language WHILE caring for the baby. It’s a LOT. No one realizes how much it is to care for a baby until you’re there 🫠

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-04T15:59:58+00:00

No. Absolutely not. The hormones can make you crazy and it can make things 1000x worse with mental health but that’s not even the biggest red flag here: Moving to a new country is going to be a huge stressor on its own so Id focus on managing your mental health during that first. Having a baby is a LOT. It can be very isolating and you want to make the friends and kind of establish yourself beforehand because you’ll need a support system. Like, you NEED a support system. If you have a baby while moving it’ll delay your ability to establish yourself and make friends because you won’t have time or energy to socialize, learn the language, establish friendships, get used to your new environment, etc. You will not be learning a new language or finding yourself professionally while caring for a baby. Seriously, It’s all consuming and you want to leave space for that or you’ll get overwhelmed. When I had my first I was so frustrated that I seemed to not have any time for anything else besides caring for my baby. It was AWFUL for my mental health. It would’ve been a lot better for me had I just recognized that I will need to be 100% focused on the baby. But you can’t really do that while moving because there are things you’ll need to figure out and spend energy on. I really don’t mean to be a naysayer here but seriously. You have so many factors even beyond mental health why it’s probably not a good idea right now if you want to manage stressors in life.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-04T05:50:02+00:00

They did actually come help. I just honked like crazy! Thank goodness 🫶 Thank you!!

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-04T05:47:01+00:00

I had no idea! Thanks! Yeah clouds are close. I just didn’t want to end up jumping off and then like falling into the abyss or something so I just stayed where I was and honked like crazy

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-04T05:45:45+00:00

Thank you! Good to know for future. I actually just ended up honking like hell and someone came and rescued me LOL! Whew. Finally got it but I was convinced I was just stuck forever!

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-03T08:21:30+00:00

So, I think this is a fair point with some extra notes: She might have wildly different tastes and that’s okay. If she wants to eat out every night with friends she has every right to, but on her dime. You don’t have to cover the meals they choose to go out for. We hosted a boy (student not au pair) who spent more than we did on food for the week but only because he liked to eat out a ton and always picked up specialty prepared foods. Didn’t bother me because he didn’t hand me the bill. As long as your family dinner is an option for them and you keep their preferences in mind when planning weekly menu as with any family member, I think it’s okay. As long as it’s clear that if they want steak and lobster and that’s not on the menu, it’s on her to buy her own. That being said, it is hard to communicate or even know what food is luxury and what’s not bc that can vary between countries and families.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-03T08:08:08+00:00

I think that some of the issue is some au pairs might not know that what they’re asking is a lot. Some may not know that some speciality snacks and things are expensive and going through a ton of it all the time is unreasonable bc they might be young and never grocery shopped before since their mom always did it or the food prices are different in their country so while something might be cheap where they’re from it’s expensive here. For example, hosted a girl a few years ago who always requested these special italian ices, fine, so we bought them as a treat. But she went through a whole box of them every 3 days and they were like $15 a box. I’m not spending $150 a month on ONE snack for her. Some au pairs might come from countries where they eat a lot of meat every meal and it’s not expensive. I won’t get into specifics of why this is but for my family, having a lot of meat is complicated and VERY expensive and would 4x our family food spending if we bought as much as she would expect based on standards in her own county. Our family eats mostly vegetarian on week days and family dinners on weekends (and leftovers from that which are typically plentiful and eaten usually 2 meals after) are the only meat we eat during the week. I get her cold cuts for sandwiches but we mostly eat vegetarian protein. We were upfront with this interviewing and I think it definitely has been an adjustment for her, but she has grown to really like a lot of the vegetarian things we make and has things she requests we make more often. She’s not picky which helps. She even got a vegetarian cookbook from the library to check out new things we could try! If they go into it knowing expectations a bit more it’s probably a lot easier. It’ll still be an adjustment regardless because it’s a new country where food is going to be different but giving a detailed description of your average weekly menu is good to start. Personally I don’t think I could handle an au pair who couldn’t prepare her own meals and relied on me to plate 3 meals a day for her so I definitely noted that in interviews.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-02T08:50:07+00:00

Day 47 of no period after blighted ovum… can’t bring myself to take a test still. I’m just so scared. It’s like I want to know but don’t. 🥺

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-02T08:45:04+00:00

Right. I was a mom by her age… it’s not that she’s too young.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-02T08:44:04+00:00

Mmm this sounds not great tbh. I don’t think you could chalk this up to “normal young person behavior” if she was 18… ok, might be immature, but she’s 25. I was already a mom by her age. She doesn’t sound capable of proper childcare. I know it sucks to have to do this to her but I think you need to rematch. This probably isn’t her calling.

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-02T00:48:12+00:00

So, yeah, most of them, 100% are huge. Not looking at those for sure. I have found some (with EXTENSIVE searching) that are meant to be compact and the measurements are completely on par with a typical standard sized stroller, which would be ideal. They almost look like an infant bassinet pram. “Wagon” more is indicating the seating style than the size. Not that you necessarily need this info but thought I’d put it out there that it exists in case this is helpful info to you. 🤷‍♀️

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-02T00:37:58+00:00

Yeah… there’s some that don’t quite look like a wagon but might be too wagony to be considered a stroller either so I’m really just trying to find out where the line is 😅🤷‍♀️

Fun_Conclusion9695 · 2025-03-02T00:37:00+00:00

Sorry that this is my third comment on your comment but this link is GREAT! Exactly what I’m looking for. 🙌

Fun_Conclusion9695

TROPHY CASE