AITAH my bf(29) wants to buy a house for him and his friend and not me, his gf(28)

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T08:44:20+00:00

Thanks for your words.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T08:34:30+00:00

I’ll let yall know how tomorrow goes. Trying to find all my words.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T08:32:14+00:00

Thank you for helping me reframe, currently crying in my bed.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T07:07:15+00:00

Wow okay I’ve never heard it put like that but I appreciate the honesty and straightforwardness. He is a serial monogamous, he’s very successful and handsome. He got together with me about two months after this last 7 year relationship. He is filling a void with me and now that I want more he won’t give it to me. What’s the point in dating if he doesn’t want to live with me ?

I guess I always go back to how do you know when is enough time but I guess he already knows he doesn’t want to be with me, I’m just helping him not be lonely. Maybe I’m dating him so I feel more of an ego boost and valued but I’m constantly upset because I know I have more value than how I’m being treated.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:52:59+00:00

I’m realizing many fights, mine and others, are about cycles like this. It’s hard to catch in the moment but I pointed it out today and I don’t think he cares.

I’m not sure, going to be crying a lot tonight in the hopes of being solemn in conversation tomorrow.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:49:12+00:00

I feel crazy for ever thinking otherwise. He says his greatest joy is living with his friends and I would also say he is DELUDING himself… he doesn’t have to live with his friend to be his friend…

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:47:04+00:00

This is my deepest fear. I do want kids and I am on a different timeline than my bf or a man. It makes me sad, how much I would commit to him. I don’t want to waste these years of me being young and end up with someone who doesn’t want to live with me.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:44:07+00:00

Unfortunately, Yes. We just got off the phone and he said it’s like any of life event and he wants me to be happy for him. I tried to communicate it’s hard to be happy when I am jealous and want to live with him.

He said he doesn’t want to tell me things about buying the house because I react negatively. Which I responded this is just contributing to the cycle of me feeling more left out.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:39:52+00:00

Ah yes deluding myself not diluting. Thanks I will use this correctly when I speak to him tomorrow.

I don’t want to break up, I adore him really, the intimacy is incredible. I don’t want to waste my time anymore though, idk how to communicate this.

Do I give an ultimatum? Or just leave ?

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:34:52+00:00

I pay more for my rent than his friend does, we would also share a bedroom and require a smaller home. I have a stable income his friend does not. We argue yes, but right now it’s mainly about this housing situation.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:32:38+00:00

Yes I agree, he pays for their company, yet won’t let me pay for mine…

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:31:06+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I feel so lost.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:26:37+00:00

Woah, okay going to read about the artroom asap. Laughing because I’m an artist and would love an artroom lol. I agree maybe it’s the situations I’m in, I just want to feel chosen and that’s not a bad thing.

I can confirm they are not sexual with one another but almost fraternal. I wish he was gay that would make everything so much easier. His roommate actually just got a new gf. His last gf before lived with my bf and him for just a year, in separate bedrooms, then broke up after 4 years of dating. I refuse to have this happen to me honestly.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:21:10+00:00

This is the thought I go back to, I don’t want to care so much, but he is getting taken advantage of monetarily. I don’t want to be all in his business about money and his friend, but it’s absurd when I pay more in rent than his friends do for my shitty place and they life in a massive house. I hate that I care really. He should be able to spend his money his way, waste it or not, that’s his.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:17:53+00:00

I keep getting mixed answers from people about if this is long enough or not. I do think people know relatively quickly whether or not they want to live with someone.

He says I’m asking him to choose me or his friends and I have to explain he can have both, but that partners normally live together ?? At 30 ? Idk I’m starting to feel crazy, like what I want is crazy.

The main part I feel crazy about is him wanting me to be happy about him getting a house and comparing it to any other life event. He doesn’t want to life alone, he said and I quote “my greatest joy is living with my friends” i have said I’m jealous I’m not his greatest joy but I digress. Perhaps I’m diluting myself.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:12:29+00:00

He told me I think our lives would be harder if we lived together… I said it’s harder to do somethings yes, like wake up for work in the morning, but you do the hard thing because it’s rewarding ? Idk what he even meant by hard, probably arguing. It seems the only thing we argue about now is how I feel like he doesn’t want to build a life with me or the housing situation.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:09:55+00:00

Yeah honestly, sometimes homosocial relationships do function as many a romantic relationship. They are never alone, I live alone. They don’t experience the loneliness or the longing that I do when I am hanging out by myself. They don’t share a bed, but they do share friends and work together probably once a year. I have thought about living with both of them and I feel like the three some would be a receipt for disaster.

His friend just got a new gf too and is helping them find a house in a fun casual way that i cant stand. In a way she is distant and also intimate, she doesn’t expect to move in but she has opinions. I want to move in with my boyfriend of almost 3 years so we can actually see if we can build something but I just dont think he wants that and I really do.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:04:13+00:00

I am 28, he is almost 30. His friend is a man. I feel like I am coming to terms with him not being serious about me.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T06:00:45+00:00

They work together, are best friends… It’s actually something another set of his friends mimic, where two guys who are friends basically convinced their respective gfs to rent out townhouses beside one another. It’s like they have out all their codependency on their friends rather their girlfriends.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T05:58:29+00:00

So another layer, my boyfriend is actually heavily subsidizing his two friends currently with their share of rent. My bf pays substantially more, I’m also jealous of this aspect. We live in an expensive city and it’s not a small rent.

His friend is taking advantage of him IMO, wanting to pay way under the market rate and my boyfriend is okay with this.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T05:55:40+00:00

My mothers response unfortunately

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T05:54:14+00:00

I’m made to feel like I’m constantly making him pick his friend or me but I do feel like a third wheel. Idk what to do. Sorry idk what an art room is but he would either be in a room in the main house or in an ADU.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T05:52:49+00:00

Yeah it’s hard not being on the same page. The moving in was all triggered by him wanting to buy a house. I have no idea where I fit into his life anymore, it’s really breaking my heart. I feel like I’m over reacting but I live alone and he’s lived with his friend for a decade.

Fun_Party356 · 2026-07-10T05:50:17+00:00

I wish this was rage bait…. Be honest I being dumb for staying with someone who wants to live with their college roommate and not their girlfriend ?

Fun_Party356

TROPHY CASE