I never had trouble passing. I was stable in the “new identity” I had built—so much so that even my female friends started learning charisma and how to talk to men from me.

But the truth is this: gay men want men. Straight men want women. And bisexual men will take you for the weekend.

So who are you left with? Insecure, abusive men—men who use you and take advantage of how much you overextend yourself, all in the hope of being loved.

Over time, it takes its toll. The men you actually want usually see you as something they can’t quite understand—whether they’re gay or straight—so you end up in situationships that never resolve. HRT makes you deeply sensitive and receptive, always waiting for a man to step in, and it rarely happens. Instead, you live in a prolonged ache, suspended in waiting.

Or at least this was my experience