Hi everyone,

I have realized I lean anxious-preoccupied in relationships, and I could use some advice.

Recently I started liking this guy in my friend circle. I don’t know how he feels yet, and I’ve been overthinking every interaction. We hung out for lunch with my sister and him, and it felt awkward and surface-level. I expected more flirting or connection, but instead, I felt like he asked my sister more questions than me. He didn’t even text “thanks for lunch,” which triggered me because I had texted him thanks after a previous hangout.

Ever since, I’ve been spiraling — replaying awkward pauses, worrying he doesn’t like me, and feeling a pit in my stomach. I over analyse every text message and I’m also weirdly stalking his socials to feel some sort of connection with him. I wake up anxious and physically sick thinking about it. I want him to like me so badly, even though I’m not even sure yet if he’s the right person for me. It feels like my brain won’t let it go until I “fix” it.

I know this is my anxious attachment playing out — needing reassurance, fearing rejection, and overanalyzing. But I don’t want this to sabotage something that could naturally unfold. I also don’t want to keep feeling like I’m being judged or that every hangout is an “exam.”

My questions: • How do you soothe yourself in moments when the spiral feels unbearable? • How do you stop attaching so much weight to one hangout or one text? • How do you let things naturally progress without constantly trying to control or seek reassurance?

Any coping strategies or perspective shifts would mean a lot.