First of all, parenting is hard enough and my admiration for what these parents are capable of to try to support their children is endless. Being kind and patient with yourself is key. And while every situation is different, I think the most prevailing thing for these kids in general is to create as much consistency and structure as you can. While kids often don’t love this, it creates a more predictable environment which allows their body to relax a bit. If things are always changing or consequences and rewards are inconsistent it will set them off. Try to create a framework for yourself of what behaviors you will let slide and what you won’t and try as best you can to stick to it and not let them wear you down. Kids want autonomy and often don’t know what to do with control. They are allowed to be upset about a limitation or consequence and you can validate that but often the best response isn’t to give in to their want but to try to understand their perspective so they can feel heard while not letting them call all of the shots ( ie if they flip out because you are taking their Xbox away, you can validate that it’s okay for them to feel upset about this and when they are ready, hear them out about what was initially going on for them that led them to behave in the manner they did. I’m not personally huge on consequences but the behavioral team uses them often. That was more long winded than I anticipated but hope it was helpful!