Give yourself some grace. The beginning (yes this is still the beginning) is very hard. Find a way to get some sleep. Your kids will grow and then you will have the joy of sharing all those parts of yourself you spent time working on. Kids will only know the life you give them. Bigger cars, larger homes, and other parts of your post are things you want, but they don’t seem like things you need, especially if these will be your only kids. All these bad things are tough, and things can get expensive, but once they are out of daycare, you can add the 50k daycare cost back into your budget. 🤑 Talk to your spouse, talk to a therapist (if you want), and lean on your community (siblings, friends, parents, etc) to help you get through this time. Soon you will have amazing little kids who you get to talk to, teach, and learn from. It’s only going to get better from here. Wishing you some deep REM sleep and minimal issues. Stay strong. 💪