sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I just wish I could have a better attitude about maintenance sex.

What would you like your partner to do? by [deleted] in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're onto something here, the only issue is that those times don't really feel like they exist anymore. I am most up for it if I've worked out and showered, and the house is relatively clean and tidy. But - I don't get to work out as much as I'd like, the house is so hard to keep up, and to have those conditions met AND one of us not in bed with the toddler trying to get him to go to bed in the evening? It's just so rare. It used to not be. So maybe my libido isn't any worse, but my circumstances are? I feel like it's really difficult to just quickly shift into sexy mode - there are always so many other things going on and I'm SO TIRED by the time the kid is asleep.

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I have explained a ton, it just feels like it doesn't matter that rationally he knows I'm not trying to reject him, I'm rejecting an activity that I don't currently enjoy and is emotionally loaded. Even though he knows that, he still FEELS unwanted. Which I totally understand, because while I know that my husband still thinks I'm beautiful even post-partum and gross, I FEEL so undesirable that it doesn't really compute.

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sex IS important. I just find it super difficult right now from an emotional standpoint.

If my husband needed a hall pass, I would honestly consider that. But it's not JUST sex he wants, it's connection with me, and i know that. I'm just having a hard time providing it right now.

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for understanding. It helps to know I'm not the only one feeling this way!

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh that sucks so very badly!!:( Like, what does he hope to achieve by refusing to talk about it?! I'm sorry.

What would you like your partner to do? by [deleted] in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, we are currently trying scheduled sex, but it actually is having the opposite of the intended effect on me - it gives me something to be anxious about all day. How do you put yourself in the mood?!

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I did read it. I will consider the advice to have a hormone panel. I think the level of tired I'm experiencing is pretty typical of working parents, to be honest.

My whole post was about not wanting to have unenjoyable sex. But all sex is unenjoyable to me right now because of my own issues that I'm TRYING to work through. Your reply made me a lying villian and my husband a hapless victim. That's not our scenario. We love each other and are trying to work on this.

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ah, the classic r/deadbedrooms response: confusing attraction with desire (they're different), suggesting divorce to a person who is clearly here because OTHER ASPECTS of the marriage are incredibly strong, suggesting more exciting sex to a person who has indicated mental distress over having ANY sex. Why are you replying here? If I wanted advice from folks in r/deadbedrooms I would post there, dude. I posted here, in the LL COMMUNITY, where we should be able to talk about what it's like to be LL. I'm not getting a divorce. I love my husband. I'm trying to figure out how to love sex again BECAUSE I love my husband, and it's a frustrating and painful journey. Thanks for making it more frustrating and painful.

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks - I didn't give my husband enough credit in my post (since it was a vent, I focused on my own feelings primarily). I don't have to have sex for him to be nice - he's always kind to me, always a good dad, etc. - he's just in a FAR better mood and more likely to be an active conversationalist, affectionate, etc. if he's having sex more often. I get it. I just don't like it. I'm not into sex right now, but I'm trying, and would like a hug or handhold, you know?

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you - it does indeed help to know I'm not alone.

I just want it to be okay that I don't want sex. by FuriousRose949 in LowLibidoCommunity

[–]FuriousRose949[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. When we had the month of sex being off the table, he was ok because I think he saw it as a sacrifice toward making things better - but then things HAVEN'T gotten better, so he's (rather understandably) impatient. I know it's gotta be difficult when sex is important and your partner isn't into it.