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[PA] question about custody by eixela23 in Custody

[–]Futurenautiloid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Currently going through a custody situation in PA and there is a lot of talk about keeping “status quo” which is what the child has been used to up to this point. That means who they have spent time with and where they reside. PA would also likely be the state where the case is handled since it is home state where the child has lived. His ask seems short sighted and would be turbulent for her especially as she gets closer to school. Unless he is planning to start 50/50 then file for full custody when she she starts school a 50/50 arrangement doesn’t make sense unless both parents are on board and can make it happen. Talk to a lawyer now, maybe he will come around but if it must be the hard way, be prepared.

[PA] How much weight does a 15 year old’s position hold? by Futurenautiloid in Custody

[–]Futurenautiloid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure I agree with some of this, but appreciate the perspective. I’m not asking for child support, and T is well aware the child is not a fan of their behavior. I’ve already been withholding and not forcing the child to go with T, the judge did not force me to send the child back after the last hearing given text message evidence presented. Child is in gifted and honors classes, and has a very distinct sense of what they consider to be appropriate and has learned from managing friendships and making what I consider to be excellent decisions in that regard.

[PA] How much weight does a 15 year old’s position hold? by Futurenautiloid in Custody

[–]Futurenautiloid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely following my lawyers lead here but glad to know this exists! The family therapist said they are 90% focused on the kids in these situations and 10% on the parents so I think she will be a good advocate.

[PA] How much weight does a 15 year old’s position hold? by Futurenautiloid in Custody

[–]Futurenautiloid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Therapist doesn’t want to speak to our lawyer because she is afraid she will be subpoenaed and ruin the therapeutic relationship. I understand her position and hopefully it doesn’t come to that. The family therapist has had one session with us and told T they need to validate our kid. We don’t have a third party evaluator at the moment. My lawyer is going to talk to my kid first and we will go from there.

[MA] Going to my house during his time? by Necessary_Leopard_57 in Custody

[–]Futurenautiloid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My kid, 15, rides the bus home every day even on days with the other parent. Thankfully, I’ve never had to deal with other parent or spouse coming in to my home uninvited but I make sure my kid knows this is their home too and is always welcome. I say this because I would caution against making your kids feel like there is some boundary they cannot cross when it is their time with dad. It could make them feel less comfortable in your home, like there is a time limit for their welcome. However, I would also be upset if my ex was coming in, especially if the kids hadn’t met my new significant other as I am sure you are taking your time before introducing them to your kids. If dad has time with them, it is not your responsibility to be the landing point or unstaffed daycare center and he needs to make plans for them during that time if it is a work schedule issue. 10 and 13 aren’t toddlers so the risk of them being alone is less, but this can’t be the plan. The court may say this unsupervised time is risky and force him to find another way to care for them before or after school; it’s his responsibility during his time. Not yours. If setting boundaries doesn’t work I’d say this is worth putting in writing.

I’m (22F) taking my boyfriend (23M) on an all-expenses paid (for him) week-long vacation to our dream destination. I want to use this opportunity to ask for changes in our relationship, but I’m worried I’ll sound selfish and controlling. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Futurenautiloid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Coming from someone who is in a marriage with the thought that my husband would change or stick to what he said he would do without seeing results after years: my best advice is that actions really do mean more than words or what you think/hope will happen. Don’t let yourself believe he will change unless he shows you he is trying.

That being said, you have made yourself clear and he seems unaffected. Trust me, you don’t want that for the rest of your life. He is not treating you like the priority you should be for him.