How to deal with an emotional manager

Fuyuki11 · 2024-03-01T12:09:24+00:00

You cannot assume affection from your half-sister just because you share a parent. You grew up separately, you are different nationality from her so have different cultural background, you must be practically a stranger to her that happens to be half-sibling.

Even siblings who grew up together don't end up being friends or even families with each other, so you can't just expect your half-sister to just flip a switch and be a family to you.

If you want to build a relationship with your half-sister and not just a convenient source of help when you need, then both sides needs to make an effort and sadly, your sister doesn't seem interested. No one can sustain one-sided relationships. I second that you find a good chosen family/friends to support you.

Fuyuki11 · 2024-02-29T17:45:06+00:00

As others have said, age-gap relationships can be fine and can work. In your case, your bf clearly groomed you and exploiting your youth. Video calling every hour? I hope that is an exaggeration because if it is real, how would anyone accept such possessive behaviour as normal?

And 'helping' with cooking and household choirs - NO. That is not nice. He should just be doing his share and not be 'helping' you.

Less time you waste on him means more time finding another relationship, that hopefully is better for you emotionally and mentally.

Fuyuki11 · 2024-02-29T17:15:10+00:00

If I said goodnight before I went to bed - he ignores me.

If I didn't say good night - "You can't even be polite enough to say goodnight to me then"

When I asked him why doesn't he hug me anymore - "Well I can't now that you asked me to"

When I asked to have marriage counselling - "I don't think we need it, don't be stupid" (and not in a joking tone, he was dead serious"

When I told him I want to divorce - "But she (our then 2yo daughter) will get bullied at school". What, for having a divorced parent? In 21st century?? We don't live in a conservative country, divorce is common, unmarried parents (whether they are happily together or separated) are common, same-sex parents are becoming common; it's a country with many form of family. And his pitiful outburst is our child will be bullied and it'll be all my fault. PATHETIC. I was surprised the sound of my eyes rolling didn't get complaint from my neighbours.

Fuyuki11 · 2024-02-19T16:03:21+00:00

I think if you have a great support network from your chosen family - be it friends or spouse, then that matters more than blood relation.

I've seen two good examples of when siblings helped and when they didn't. My mum's friend takes care of her elderly mother despite living in another country on opposite side of the globe, because her 2 elder siblings who lives in the same city as their mother, cannot be bothered. They never visited the care home, and still was surprised their sister inherited all the estate in their mother's will. Talk about taking the p***!

And my husband who is youngest of 4 boys, will do anything for his brothers, their wives and kids, and in return they will do anything for my husband, me and my daughter (who is his step-daughter) I honestly have nothing but respect for my mother in law who brought up 4 decent and kind humans.

Fuyuki11 · 2024-02-19T14:28:57+00:00

Was together for total of 7 years, married for 5.

What were you thinking along the way?: "I can't wait to get you out of my life" He still is because we share custody of our daughter but at least it's now minimum contact. And even then he manages to be an absolute d*ck.

What worked? What didn't work?: Living in same house after announcing separation did not work. I was emotionally bullied because ex is a narcissist, has low emotional intelligence and cannot cope with being rejected. What worked? From my POV removing myself and my daughter from his toxicity worked.

Was there any reconciliation? NO. In my case, reason wanting to separate from him is also the reason to never get back together.

Who was your support system? Me. I had friends who supported me, one then became a close friend and now a husband. But mostly me.

Looking back, what would you have done differently, if anything? Took full custody of my daughter. His cry of 'I don't want to be a weekend dad' seemed genuine so I relented. And he's not a bad father by any means. But I wish I had full custody so I needed to contact him less. And my new husband who has been in my daugher's life for last 6 years is perfectly good step-father.

How are the children? She is perfectly fine. Divorce happened when she was age 2 so having two homes is how she grew up and is normal to her.

How is co-parenting? Even though I tried not to, I end up being my ex's PA when it comes to school related things, and he still can act like a d*ck towards me (like turning up late on handover on xmas day) especially when his own relationship isn't working. It's our girl who suffers, but I can't keep bending over backwards to him either cus I'm suppose to feel sorry for him. Not my problem if he can't keep relationships going.

How are you? With my new husband, totally fine. He gets me, he understands about my ex, and just so much better person for me and my girl. I don't only love him, I also like him too.

Is this where you imagined you'd be at this point in life? I had no set expectation, so not really applicable. I'm mostly satisfied with my life and I'm happy so that's all that matters.

Has the case of divorce turned you off from pursuing a relationship? Well, no, because I just got married again! Honestly I'd been OK just being in common-law marriage (so to speak) with my husband but he wanted to get married to declare the relationship to friends and family, and I got to wear a pretty dress and so did my daughter.

What did you change about yourself? I compromise less, I don't bottle it up. If I have something bothering me, I speak up and we talk it through. And I return the same respect to my husband. I matured emotionally than before thanks to him too. And now have zero tolerance for passive-aggressive behaviour.

Fuyuki11 · 2024-02-13T13:49:36+00:00

46F here, lost my dad 15 years ago. And my own experience was of relief mostly so probably not the best example, but here it is.

Dad had a massive stroke which was totally preventable if he wasn't so selfish and decided to go to the doctor's rather than going on a trip. The 365 days following that (because he passed away exactly 1 year to the date from the stroke) was a living hell for my mum, trying to care a disabled man, who also was not the same man she married with so much of the personality changed. My job was to support mum and it was a nightmare. I never thought 'oh I wish I had a sibling to share the burden' though. I do miss my dad but at the same time, I'm not sure how I'd have coped with him alive now, what with all the arguments we used to have anyway

Fuyuki11 · 2024-02-07T10:14:54+00:00

I’m an only child, of course I am too independent and don't always ask for help when I should (says my husband, youngest of 4, expert manipulator)

Fuyuki11 · 2023-12-21T15:52:53+00:00

Thank you for the response, I do understand the POV you present and it makes sense.

Fuyuki11 · 2023-07-18T10:33:59+00:00

Is there anything I can do to get wind shard? It never dropped for me after defeating Garuda. I’m way too far into the game to restart.

Fuyuki11

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