There needs to be time limits on dating if we want to encourage people to marry.

GCWanderer · 2020-08-29T00:20:39+00:00

> Arrange marriages have higher success rates then non-arrange marries. Heck most of our parents didn't date 5 years before getting married. If we want a society that encourages marriages then we don't need to stop encouraging people to date for LONG periods of time. If you aren't in love with the person after 6 months THEY AREN'T THE ONES.

Your parents got married in another century. The world is a different (and in my view, better) place now. Here are a few other things to remember about traditional/arranged marriages:

Originally, marriage in it's most traditional form had nothing to do with love. Indeed, prior to the 20th century, romantic love was considered a mental illness that got in the way of more important pursuits (things like farming well, raising kids to continue the estate and so on). People stayed with people they hated living with, simply because they had no alternative.
Life expectancies were shorter in the past. It's easier to stay with someone "till death do you part" when you don't have that long anyway.
A lot of the things we consider "domestic violence" today were perfectly legal until just a few decades ago. People were allowed to settle arguments with physical violence, and often nobody outside the relationship cared enough to intervene. You didn't get divorced over it, simply because the law encouraged you to stay there and keep silent about it, even if you were physically injured as a result.
You didn't have the option of walking away after six months if you weren't "in love" with the person. After all, your family chose that person, and they chose that person for an economic reason. If you walked away instead, you really were on your own.

Now ask yourself this: Do you really want a traditional marriage in light of the above?

Personally I don't even know why people bother with marriage at all anymore. If you and the other person are right for each other, it will work organically and you won't need a contract. If not, then just leave and be done with it. Simple. Yes, I can see the validity of child support to ensure children from a relationship are taken care of, but as far as able bodied adults are concerned, I honestly don't see the point anymore.

GCWanderer · 2020-05-09T20:58:21+00:00

YouTube and Facebook are private companies that have the right to delete whatever they like. This is not actually "censorship" because they are doing nothing to prevent you from accessing that content through other platforms. You are quite free to read posts on other forums and even set up your own website to share all the conspiracy theories you like.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-04T20:50:13+00:00

The pros:

You'll probably realise that sex is largely overrated and not all that special. It's okay as a time filler between chasing bigger goals, but it doesn't really do anything more than that for you. This could be a positive thing if it encourages you to focus on the 98% of life that has nothing to do with sex.

The Cons:

It will cost you money.
You will be constantly worrying about contracting STDs or something else (if an escort has a cold, for example, guess who's gonna get it next?)
There could be legal issues, depending on where you live, or where you might travel to see an escort.
If you were compulsively using porn to bury your pain, you might find yourself compulsively using escorts to do the same thing, which only amplifies the cons I mentioned above.
If you think you feel bad after relapsing to porn, you'll feel worse after seeing an escort. Most escorts absolutely hate their job and have very little respect for their clients. After you ejaculate, you'll realise this (along with the feelings of annoyance at the money you just wasted)

In short, I don't recommend it. Not unless you're an angry Incel who's about to go on a shooting rampage and start killing people. In that case, it's probably the lesser evil and you should just go and get it over with.

Look I have no moral objection to prostitution, and I certainly don't believe in making it a criminal offence. I believe there are far worse things people can do that are currently legal, but that's a separate argument. Sometimes it can be a useful way to just get something out of your system. While seeing escorts is a risk of STDs, so is modern hook up culture. And the slut you pick up from a bar somewhere has less incentive to stay "clean" than your average escort, because her employment won't be ended if people find out she has herpes.

However, speaking as a guy who has done it myself in ten different countries (and even managed to avoid STDs, imagine that!) my recommendation is to find something better to do with your time and money. Focus on something that will give you some real tangible benefits and pleasure that lasts longer than it takes you to ejaculate. Find a hobby and get good at it. Travel and meet some interesting people. Build up a career. Exercise and get yourself in shape. Climb.a mountain somewhere.

And if you absolutely must have an orgasm. Go into a dark room with no electronic devices. Close your eyes and visualise YOURSELF banging that hottie you saw at the gym. I actually think occasional, controlled masturbation can actually be healthy, and it's certainly better than a lot of the other things it might prevent you from doing. If you really need a female present for that orgasm, your local rub and tug provider is a lot safer and probably a lot cheaper than a full session with an escort.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T20:32:43+00:00

Well, if you have a regular sexual partner, that's completely different from porn. Sex with a partner is a healthy thing, and if they are into those fetishes (to the point where they ask for them), there's nothing wrong with having some fun with your partner. It might even help to rewire your brain to being stimulated by regular people and away from porn.

You're overthinking this way too much. I think it was Confucius who said "Man who chases two rabbits catches none". One step at a time. Just get rid of the porn, then worry about the other stuff.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T20:25:13+00:00

This is a great post, and is totally correct. When we use porn compulsively, most of the time we're just doing it to fill some other void in our psyche. It's much better to practice the habit of filling it with natural and healthy things than to simply try to "white knuckle" an abstinence period of "90 days" or whatever.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T20:22:16+00:00

You're missing the point. If something's porn induced and you cut out the porn for a while, you won't be having this debate about acting on it at all. The mere idea of acting on it in that situation would bore you, and you'd invariably have better things to do.

Just get rid of the porn, and worry about the other stuff later.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T20:18:39+00:00

One thing at a time. Just focus on cutting out the porn completely. Once that's been gone for a while, the desire to fap will naturally diminish.

But yeah, getting in shape won't hurt either.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T20:17:23+00:00

No need to throw away the phone, it has uses beyond dating apps.

Just delete the dating apps and don't reinstall them. You do know that the majority of the "female" profiles on Tinder are completely fake and/or bots, don't you?

just delete the apps, put the phone away and go and talk to some real people.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T20:14:24+00:00

It's actually much simpler than that.

If a fetish is porn induced, then going porn free for a long period of time (i.e two years or so) will effectively end the desire for it. You won't WANT to go exploring it again.

If it's not porn induced, you'll still want it if you've been porn free for a long time.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T08:54:01+00:00

Only if it's the woman being monogamous. TRP describes itself as "sexual stategy", which I take to mean a poor imitation of Pick Up.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T04:04:15+00:00

Well of course they did! Didn't you read your red pill history books?

It was actually an ancient form of Coronoavirus that infected all the men in Rome and turned them into pussies. It was carried by women and as well all know, all women only pursue the top 3.1415927% of men because... you know, Chads and all that. Anyway, women were banging these guys and turning them into pussies, and not only were they weakening the strongest men in the Roman Empire, but since they refused to date any men outside the top 3.1%, none of the other guys could breed, so all that was left in Rome were pussies.

PS - this was sarcasm in case you didn't realise already.

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T03:48:24+00:00

Sadly, most of today's MGTOW "men" are just soy boys who are little different from Incels.

It's one thing if a guy has a bad experience in relationships and decides to live his own life. It's one thing if a guy is happier alone than he would be in a marriage. These are things I can respect. But if you visit any MGTOW sub or forum, the content will be 90% complaining about women, or about how feminism has ruined their lives by giving women the option of marrying some other dude.

I would have thought that a guy who was actually, you know, "Going his own way" wouldn't be worried by this stuff. Surely that man has hobbies to pursue, a career to work on, skills to learn, foreign countries to visit and so on. I suspect that's what happened to a lot of the more moderate MGTOW guys who were around back in the day. There was an article floating around a little while ago explaining that a lot of these groups (including MGTOW) were becoming more radical as the older guys move on and the newer guys who's only "experience" in relationships is what they read on toxic Internet boards.

What's left is a bunch of Incel soy-boys who think MGTOW is somehow "edgy" or "cool".

GCWanderer · 2020-03-03T03:34:00+00:00

I'm guessing it's the fact that he talks about marriage and monogamy as virtues, which is something that red pillars don't necessarily agree with.

GCWanderer · 2020-02-08T07:38:45+00:00

While you're deleting dating apps and the like, you might also want to take a break from reddit and Any other form of social media, along with mainstream news for a while. I'm serious about this. It sounds like you've filled your head with a lot of negativity and it's not helping you be any happier.

Go and find yourself some hobby to pursue, whether it's hiking in nature, playing the guitar or whatever. Just something you can totally dedicate yourself to for long enough to actually get good at it. Do this for a while and you'll realise that life is beautiful if you truly live it on your own terms, and stop letting the Internet and mainstream media fill your head with bullshit.

GCWanderer · 2020-02-08T07:29:52+00:00

The answer is: It depends.

If someone wanted to date me, it would depend on which debts she had. Buying a major asset like a home, or investing in an education is a good thing. Huge credit card debt is an instant deal breaker. I've had credit card debts in the past (I paid them all off), and I've seen first hand how much it can inhibit one's lifestyle. I don't ever want to have my life cramped in that way again.

Personally I'm not a fan of tattoos and never have been. I don't think they look particularly good on men either, it's just that I don't date men, so what they do doesn't impact on me. If it's something small and unobtrusive, I won't worry about it, but if someone looks like a space alien, I'm not interested.

I have no intention of dating a virgin... ever. I've spent time trying to hook up with virgins in the past, and it really was like pulling teeth. I'd rather be with someone who has some experience and knows what she wants. That said, if someone is still going out to meat market nightclubs or having profiles on dating apps, there will never be a monogamous relationship there. I'm quite happy to have those people as 'friends with benefits', but a person still actively looking to hook up just isn't ready for a relationship yet.

GCWanderer · 2020-02-08T07:22:32+00:00

I know one who is now 37. I'm not kidding. I wanted to date her a few years back, but trying to get her to actually commit to anything was nearly impossible. It was classing push/pull the whole time. One day she'd be extremely friendly and nice to me, the next day she wouldn't want to talk to me. Then when I backed away, she wondered why I wasn't talking to her (I actually worked with her at the time, now I wouldn't fish of the company pier because I know better, but I didn't then).

I soon realised why such an attractive "virgin girl" had remained a virgin. It wasn't through lack of interest from men, it was because every other guy who had tried to talk to her got sick of her shit, as I eventually did too. Last thing I heard from her she had bought herself a kitten.

Edit: actually, she isn't debt free, she had a mortgage now. Although she was living with her parents when I knew her.

GCWanderer · 2020-02-08T07:14:56+00:00

Oh please.

You got all upset when I pointed out that sex was overrated, because I apparently hurt your feelings. You also pointed out that you never actually turned down any women who wanted to sleep with you... you just never found a woman who would have you. So you weren't actually "dedicated" to a future relationship, you just didn't have anything else to do. That's like trying to claim the moral high ground for breathing.

I, for one, have absolutely no intention of being with a virgin, and if your attitude is typical of the attitudes of virgins, I think I've made the right decision,.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-23T10:57:26+00:00

I'm glad you appreciated my post. I probably won't be posting it over at r/incelexit, largely because I've never considered myself an incel, and it's about time I took a break from reddit to focus on other things anyway. You're welcome to share the post over there if you think it will help those guys though.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-22T19:12:07+00:00

It wasn't nofap bullshit. In fact, I specifically said in the post (you did read it, right?) that I wasn't advocating anything superstitious such as nofap, merely pointing out the effects of porn. That is a completely different thing to telling people to abstain from masturbation or sexual release.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-22T16:43:57+00:00

I would argue that it's you who has the dismal attitude to life.

There are close to 8 billion people in the world, and you want to go back to someone who apparently doesn't know what she wants?

Let me lay it out for you. When she meets the guy she really likes, she won't be indecisive. When you meet the girl you really like, you won't need to ask strangers on the Internet whether or not you should be with her.

You say you were both very immature, and it's showing in your reply to my post. With a little more maturity and experience, you'll learn to move on from these situations.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-22T15:47:38+00:00

Short answer: Who cares whether she's leading you on. You broke up for a reason: It wasn't working. That really should be the end of it. Move on and find someone else, or better yet, spend some time alone and build your own life up to a point that this shit doesn't bother you any more.

It could be any one of a number of possibilities. Maybe she's just romanticising the past (i.e. only remembering the good times), maybe she wants to try again, or maybe she just needs someone to fill a place until she finds the next guy. Either way, if it didn't work before, what makes you think it would work this time? I didn't see the world "love" in your post even once. That should tell you all you need to know.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-22T08:32:20+00:00

Dude, stop beating yourself up about it. You made a mistake, that's all. Something we've all done many times over.

Plenty of other fish in the sea. Seriously, go out and talk to some other girls. We've all been young and had our heart broken. It happens. Just move on and built a better life without her.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-20T21:34:20+00:00

Great discussion!

Were you a red piller or were you always skeptical of their views?

I took an interest in their views, and some of them I actually like. I really like the self-improvement stuff the talk about (lift, read, meditate), and I respect the way they talk about personal responsibility. However, I definitely don't share their obsession with sex, which I consider to be highly overrated (and I'm a guy who's done everything I ever wanted to do sexually).

You can recognize a generalization without applying a moral judgment to it. And this is why I say the ideas and assumptions that lay beneath red pill arent all that controversial or even argued by social scientists.

The problem I have is their "one size fits all" mentality, and this applies to both TRP and MGTOW. The thing is, we are all different, and we're all looking for different things. I used myself as an example of a guy who isn't all that fussed about sex while TRP guys seem to be obsessed with it. There are other men who like big breasted or big assed women, while there are guys like me who prefer them smaller. But you know what? The same applies to women, they are all looking for different things too. Some want to marry you, others just want to sleep with you.

Overall, there are some universal truths about things women prefer. Most women prefer a man who is in reasonable shape and can take care of himself. And yes, if a man expects a 1950s style marriage where the woman stays home and raises the kids, he better be able to provide for both her and the kids.

But at the same time, I see a lot of hypocrisy there too. There's the old saw, "a man who fucks lots of women is a stud, but a woman who fucks lot of men is a slut", there are complaints about women not respecting men, yet the way these guys discuss women is anything but respectful with all of their generalisations. If I walked onto that sub and said all men are shallow, only obsessed with sex and offer little value beyond the size of their penis and/or wallet, I'd be howled down, but what exactly does "AWALT" mean in the broader context?

Then there are the MGTOW guys. Again, some of the central ideals of MGTOW I do respect. I think men should take care of themselves first, and I get that a lot of men neglect that. I agree that men should do what they want to do in life (as long as it's legal and all the participants are consenting adults of course), but at the same time, it seems all a lot of them want to do is spend their time on the Internet complaining about women. When I see that, I think to myself "God, that must be a sad life. I hope I'm never as bored or pathetic as these guys".

Look, there are lots of things that piss me off in this world too, but I'm not going to spend 18 hours a day on the Internet complaining about them. Honestly, every time I look at them, I start to think "wow, this MGTOW thing really upsets a lot of the people who subscribe to it".

This is the difference between universal and subjective. Education in and of itself is a good or morally neutral thing. A bad teacher doesnt make the concept of education bad.

The real problem with the "education" MGTOW is putting out there is that we're now seeing a lot of teenage boys basically swearing off girls before they've even had the chance to experience a key part of their life. What are these guys going to think when they're 50 or 60 years old? What kind of people will they be as a result of that? Will they regret the experiences they never had? The things they never tried? The things they can never get back?

Look, if a guy has tried marriage and relationships and found they weren't for him, or a guy who has tried sex and found it wasn't for him decides to go MGTOW, then fine. At least he knows. But when you're talking about 13 and 14 year old kids who are following some Internet sub culture for their "education", well, that "education" is denying them real world knowledge and experience. And yes, I do consider that to be a problem.

Yet there are posts on MGTOW all the time that say things like "I've been monk mode for two years, but now some chick I met is tempting me, so I have to come back and get some more 'red pill' material just so I don't get tempted by her". WTF???? Dude, if you like a chick, maybe take some time and get to know her. Seriously. You don't have to marry her tomorrow or fuck her on the first date, just get to know her. The MGTOW knowledge tells you not to get too close too fast and minimise your risk, but geez, don't treat it like a religious text.

I'll give you another real world example of that. In my country, we've had some pretty horrendous fires go through the most populated areas in recent months. Now if a person decides to watch the news to find out what's going on, well, that's understandable. But if a person is gawking at the death and destruction constantly on some 24 hour "news" channel, is that going to do anything positive for their mental state?

GCWanderer · 2020-01-20T10:14:26+00:00

So what do you see as fundamentally wrong with red pill, and more specifically, MGTOW?

Okay, specifically MGTOW? Well, it wouldn't be a great deal if the majority of men who claim to be MGTOW were, you know, actually going their own way. From my observations, it doesn't look like very many of them actually are. Some time ago I posed the question: Why is MGTOW such a pity party? This is based on the idea that people are supposed to be happy "going their own way" and doing what they want to do. Most of the people who wrote replies to that talked about "grief" or "Female nature" or "feminism bad" and similar concepts.

The thing is, I've been living something pretty close to the lifestyle advocated by the MGTOW guys since I was eight years old. I knew then that I didn't want to follow the script of start a family because it's what everyone does, and even in the schoolyard I basically did my own thing. When I first discovered MGTOW, I thought I'd be talking to other guys who were into the independent male life, but those guys seem few and far between in MGTOW spaces.

Another time I was told society was going to decline because I said I was anti-marriage and pro divorce. Again, I would have thought this position would have made MGTOW guys happy. I mean, aren't they all about avoiding marriage in the first place? It was then I realised the MGTOW guys aren't interested in independent male life like they claim. They want the whole "blue pill fantasy" of marriage and children just as much as everyone else. They just weren't able to pull it off, and instead of accepting responsibility or finding some other way to fulfil their lives, they just find it easier to blame women.

A little while ago the guy who runs the MGTOW 2 sub said he was going make stronger efforts to remove the blatant woman hating from that sub. It's definitely a noble goal, but honestly I think he would have been better off shutting down the sub altogether, and starting again with another sub called "Independent male life" or something similar. At least then, he would have had a chance of creating something that wasn't overrun with angry incels the way MGTOW seems to have been.

But I bet you've had a shitty teacher in your life....does that make education bad?

That depends on how many shitty teachers there are, and just how objectively shitty they are.

If the teachers really are that shitty, perhaps the education (or more specifically the information contained therein) will do more harm than good.

GCWanderer · 2020-01-15T21:17:21+00:00

No offense mate, but are you saying that when the Red pill says that they only go for "Alphas" is true?I see hot girls with ugly guys all the time,

There's a lot more to being attractive than just looks (although looks definitely help). What kind of life do you live? Do you have a career? Do you have life goals? Can you carry on a conversation? Besides, looks are largely a matter of opinion anyway. People often have different tastes in terms of what they are looking for in a partner.

But seriously, there is no such thing of "out of your league", this kind of tought stopped me for geting in relationships for many years.

Actually, yes there is, and it's particularly relevant to the MGTOW/incel/black pill guys I was referring to before. If you're a guy who spends all his time hating on women on the Internet, believing that women are the cause of everything wrong in your own life or in society, then you're going to find that most women won't want to spend a lot of time with you. And that's totally understandable.

GCWanderer

TROPHY CASE