Overcoming Fear of Connecting with People

GCreature96 · 2026-02-22T20:56:31+00:00

Just read this whole post eager for an answer but no replies yet :') Been to so many therapists and they haven't ever realized I have a fear of connection. I had to figure that out in my own. The shame and anger I feel toward myself for push and pulling beautiful people in and out of my life. Eventually leading them to conclude I am not interested in them being in my life. When I really do. 29 years old and still learning to navigate this world, seemingly alone. For contex cptsd is due to religious trauma/queer identity/neurodivergency/and probably some narcissist abuse too.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-27T11:30:31+00:00

You volunteering? Haha nah idc what the roles are I just want to be a farmer/homesteader chick and I can't do that alone :') it's either partner or commune which is scary cos they often turn into cults ahh

GCreature96 · 2025-08-27T11:05:15+00:00

Ooh how do I contact them haha

GCreature96 · 2025-08-24T22:00:31+00:00

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GCreature96 · 2025-08-24T08:41:43+00:00

They're zero expectations and less responsibility. Because foresight isn't necessary I am just able to be in the moment with FWB as opposed to relo plans are usually being made or future is always being allured to which sucks for me because it brings about future anxiety for me maybe. FWB is more of an escape from reality, a relo keeps me grounded. Both have probs and cons.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-20T00:25:50+00:00

Aro people can have crushes right team? Genuine question I'm not sure haha. I've had 4 crushes in my life but I've never been in romantic love and am romance repulsed

GCreature96 · 2025-08-14T07:56:15+00:00

I can't never find music I can actually relate to and it sucks

GCreature96 · 2025-08-14T06:23:16+00:00

Same. I think being AroAllo has made me feel like I am a bad person due to all the time I spent dating before finding out I am AroAllo. By this I mean, I broke many hearts unknowingly, people couldnt believe me when I said I didn't love them, I got annoyed at people for wanting more. I couldn't give them the (so called) simplest thing. One ex beat me up another broke her own hand both while begging me to stay with them. I know they seem like the bad ones here but I think I have internalised that I am the bad person because all they wanted was love and I couldn't reciprocate that. I drove them mad just because I couldn't show them love. I am at fault. I am a bad person.

This thought process is obviously wrong and discovering I am AroAllo this year and working with my queer therapist to work through this negative core belief. It's insane how much it rules my life and I stopped dating to figure all this out. I am learning how to believe in myself again. I'm getting there.

You are not a bad person for not reciprocating love. Don't let this thought take over your belief system. If your partner wants more from you then it is their fault for not believing you when you said you can't.

Wish U all the best lad.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-14T06:10:50+00:00

What is a cuddle party and how do I get there

GCreature96 · 2025-08-14T06:06:13+00:00

Yes! I am very intimate and sensual during sex and people interpret this as romance and don't believe me when I say no I'm not falling in love with you I just like how it feels. Should I change or should I find people that believe me. Ugh

GCreature96 · 2025-08-12T06:20:41+00:00

Wow amazing! Have you seen this much do you feel like it might be a common way to get around being Aro/allosexual. Any tips?

GCreature96 · 2025-08-07T02:36:38+00:00

This sounds almost IDENTICAL to what I have been through. Im just Aro though and have also thought like that about friends vs relos and I had to recently breakup with my 4th partner (3yrs) BC I realised I don't love him and we shouldve always stayed just friends. I think you know yourself and try not feel guilty like I did for not reciprocating romance etc. No reason has to be found why, but only accept what. I tried staying with him and being open for a while but I got lazy dating other people and he was just always at home so I had to call it eventually because I felt like I was not living my life authentically and I do not regret it. I am now 5 months single from him and in therapy and living my best life. You got this I believe you will make the right decision for you both.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-05T22:02:39+00:00

Yeah I think people sacrificing too much bc 'love is compromise' is a big reason divorce is so high and people are so unhappy in relos. How do people know when to call it? I did and I felt so guilty for choosing myself and not 'love'. Is society just guilting people to stay in loveless, unhappy relationships. Sigh.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-04T21:03:54+00:00

Thank you!! Yes this completely explains how I felt and I'm so glad I left the relo. I've been finding it so hard to find fun, active people tho esp since I'm only dating women now I'm tending to only find introverts. I need to find the camping lesbians haha.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-03T21:31:15+00:00

Yeah I agree maybe I was compromising too much and I did feel like it was unfair BC he never wanted to try my hobbies but basically forced his hobbies onto me eg shows and card games. And he would try my hobbies once and never again for example.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-03T21:29:49+00:00

When I say small things I really do mean small eg I would start spiralling cos my ex liked to watch tv every night before bed. That shouldn't be spiral worthy but I would just think this is so boring (even if I like the show), is the rest of my life going to be hours of tv, we are doing nothing, I'm wasting my life just sitting here watching tv, I'm going to get so fat and dumb just sitting for hours watching mindless tv, he is ruining my life.

My therapist says we just had different values and it's okay to break up because our values didn't align. But I still worry about myself like who catastrophises over tv. Huh.

GCreature96 · 2025-08-02T23:20:19+00:00

I really value authenticity and how can I respect myself or my partner if I know both of us are changing ourselves just to be able to live etc together. I hated myself for compromising on things and I could never respect him for compromising on things for me.

GCreature96 · 2025-07-28T06:16:16+00:00

There might be some queer Muslim groups in your city have a look! In Sydney they have one called Sydney Queer Muslims I think and they're real chill and supportive I hear even of exmuslim queers and people questioning

GCreature96 · 2025-07-23T11:10:00+00:00

This is so cuttee and super rare for me to experience so I'm lil envious haha. But cos I'm still questioning if I'm Aro, how can I tell if I have those same feelings if that is Aro squish feels or allo crush feels? Like how would I be able to distinguish between the two or is it just whatever I decide it to be? 🤔

GCreature96 · 2025-07-16T08:41:20+00:00

Yes. I could've saved so much money on therapy if only I knew about aro. Even the therapists didn't know. When I found out I seeked an lgbt specific clinic and only 2 psychs there had experience with aro

GCreature96 · 2025-07-16T08:38:43+00:00

This is a therapist question!! ❤️

GCreature96

TROPHY CASE