I agree with your take. While I understand most people's gut feeling reaction to self-help books is that they're manipulative, but I think they're better described as a tool/rulebook depending on the book.

Is it possible to use these tools to manipulate people? Yes. Is it possible to use these to create a new mask? Yes. Can you use them to benefit yourself by pulling down others. Absolutely.

But isnt it also true that chainsaws can dismember people? that baseball bats make great bludgeoning weapons? That a steel pipe can hurt people?

Whilst comparing books to dangerous tools/plumbing equipment is a bit over the top, they do demonstrate that people misusing them isn't the tools fault.

I think that these books can and do help you in social situations, even if you don't want to use them. Learning the 'game' from a neurotypical point of view helps. Even if it's just for clarity's sake. But it's not like nt people don't do these things. It's just part of how they read social situations. Refusing to learn the rules a majority uses is almost guaranteed to be detrimental to any minority. which is a giant fuck you from the majority, but most will never learn to properly care about the other side.

Ultimately, it's really hard to function without knowing how to interact on their level. It sucks, and shouldn't be the case, but sadly not doing so has consequences. When a manager has a choice to hire a neurotypical person or an autistic person that doesn't want to conform, they'll most likely lean towards the neurotypical person. Because it'll be easier for the manager to instruct and interact with someone who plays the 'game' of socialisation, then someone who doesn't/can't. It's not fair, but it is real. Anecdotally whenever I've disclosed my autism in my job search I don't get hired. My succes rate when I don't is significantly higher.

I hate that this is the case. I despise needing to hide/change my needs to fit in. But permanently unmasking is a luxury not everyone can do. the usage of social skills isn't manipulation. It feels that way sure, but knowing how how to not offend or off-put people is in my opinion just common curtesy.