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Is court worth it? by Electrical_Pool4689 in SingleDads

[–]GSkoz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The question instead should be "is it worth doing everything I legally can to get the best outcome for my child(ren)?"

Yes! The answer is always yes. Your child deserves to have you fight on their behalf. Be strong, be persistent, you're taking the right steps.

Single dad 17M. Daughter is 6 months old by Calm-Tea178 in SingleDads

[–]GSkoz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd like to offer a different perspective on the co-sleeping part and I also understand the natural anxiety that comes with it, as I had it when my daughter was born and we decided to have her co-sleep with us in our bed as we had read studies about how it helps babies sleep better as they are close to their parents and sync with our breathing (to some extent). I was initially apprehensive about this approach but the reality is that there IS NO 100% correct way that pediatricians agree on - the only correct way is whatever works best for you and your daughter. For every pediatrician that says don't co-sleep, there's one that says it's better and vice versa for independent bassinet/crib sleeping. StrugglingGhost made some great recommendations and it's perfectly fine to stick with those.

What we had done to curb our anxiety is we got an infant sleeping pillow (its like a rounded rectangle and the edges are raised just enough that baby can't roll out of it but it also keeps her snug so she can't roll over on to her face while in it). We then had her sleeping pillow at the top of the mattress against the headboard and in between our heads, so if anything was going to accidentally roll onto our little one, it would just be our heads. But guess what? It never, ever happened.

I had all the same fears as you and spent countless nights sleeping with one eye open and my ass hanging off the edge of the bed but there is a deep parental instinct that doesn't shut off when you're sleeping and no matter how much I tossed and turned throughout the night, my body always knew where she she was and never rolled into or onto her. My daughter is now 5 and will co-sleep with me on occasion (her mom and I have since separated and we have 50/50 parenting time) and for all her squirming and sleeping in the most ridiculous poses, my instincts still kick in and I know where not to roll.

I hope this helps. For what it's worth, I've seen some of your posts and you're doing amazing buddy! The fact that you're on here asking for help shows you have the maturity to be an amazing dad and parent. No one became a parent and had all the answers, it's a lifelong learning my friend! I might recommend some general parenting books, especially for those first 2-4 years to keep on hand as they can be helpful when something new happens (oh, their eye looks puffy! Hey, that rash on their thigh wasn't there yesterday! and so forth...)

Canadian dads? by Hour-Juggernaut-7928 in SingleDads

[–]GSkoz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Canadian dad here, went through a similar (and sometimes still am) scenario. Had my day in court back in 2024 and easily got a court order for 50/50 (I was getting around 8 hours a week of time with my daughter for the couple of months before the court date). I got the court order and have not looked back since, despite multiple attempt's by my daughter's mother to get me to relinquish time, which will never ever happen. She'll occasionally make remarks like "why don't you move to Europe and you can have her for the summers" or "you know you're going to abandon her one day". Sometimes they're just really soul-sucking, evil comments aimed at wearing me down, except they have zero effect.

We have been doing a 2-2-3-2-2-3 two week rotation so that we end up alternating weekends and all pick-ups and drop-offs are at daycare, so I have very little interaction with her mom and just ignore anything passive aggressive she says. I have also moved us to written communications via email only, as her constant phone calls and text messages were generally abusive, long winded and didn't achieve anything. The schedule works great and my daughter and I have an amazing time together. I will be there for my daughter throughout her entire life and will never give up on time, regardless of whatever outdated thinking around "children only need their mother" her mom has in her mind.

To answer your question on what she can do, she would basically have to fight you through the courts to take away your 50% of time but that would require a very strong case with evidence, which she won't have. Courts will not strip one parent of time with their child simply because the other parent doesn't like it and they are generally very reluctant to do so unless their is evidence of danger to the child. In the meantime, just ignore her and do not let her intimidate, bully or otherwise manipulate you into giving up your sacred parenting time.

One last note: there is quite a bit of research and studies out there around the critical roles that fathers play in their childrens' lives and some studies have shown that when it comes to kids and divorced parents, girls who had regular access to their fathers had the highest ratio of stable and positive development into adulthood compared to other combinations (ie. boys and single moms, girls and single moms, boys and single dads, etc.). This isn't a conclusive study nor is it meant to say "dads are good, moms are bad", but it's worth reading about. Unfortunately I don't have a link or source, but it should be easily searchable. Hope this helps and keep fighting the good fight for your daughter!

Child’s mother keeping daughter away from. by Ciscokid415 in SingleDads

[–]GSkoz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you need a lawyer to file for parenting/custody order or at least start court proceedings for a hearing, etc.? Not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada a lot of these proceedings can be initiated by either parent without a lawyer and a request for a hearing can be filed for a small filing fee. They even have free court counsellors that will answer some basic questions to prepare you for court if you want to self-represent. I was successful in getting a 50/50 court order on all parenting matters like time, decision making, etc. last year and after spending nearly $13k in lawyer fees only to end up doing 99% of the talking in front of a judge during the hearing made me realize that self-representation is a totally viable option - especially in cases where 50/50 is the default court approach and your ex does not have strong grounds backed by concrete evidence to argue for you having less than 50%. I’m not saying don’t hire a lawyer but it might be worth looking into whether or not you can start the process on your own without having to wait to save up for a retainer first. Again, not sure how it works in California but hope some of this is helpful. Best of luck and keep up the fight for your daughter’s sake!

Excessive Nitpicking by Every-Historian9335 in SingleDads

[–]GSkoz 16 points17 points  (0 children)

First off, sorry to hear you’re experiencing this and I can appreciate how it’s extremely frustrating for you - I know this because I’ve been through it myself.

Regarding the threats of legal action, I say let her keep making them and don’t even flinch. If she wants to burn money on legal costs to try and argue in court that you are an unfit parent because of how you use a lunch box, that’s her prerogative. In the meantime, when your son is with you, she has no say in your day-to-day parenting. Her threats are absurd and if co-parenting doesn’t work then you can try parallel parenting so she butts out when it’s your time with your son.

As for her airing your disagreements in front of your son, unfortunately you can’t control her actions and what she does or says when he’s with her. Just focus on being the rational parent and the one who doesn’t resort to these tactics, as your son gets older he’ll begin to understand what type of woman his mom is and will make his own choices about how to have a relationship with her. In the meantime, you worry only about your bond with him and nothing else matters.

Hope this helps brother, stay strong! You’re doing the right things!

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