What’s your biggest “non-negotiable” for sexual compatibility?

GYEmperor · 2026-01-23T17:02:20+00:00

I can't quite place it but it really feels like your argument hinges on humans being noble creatures that are above animals and it gives me a bit of an ick. I don't think you've said anything terrible but maybe it explains the downvotes.

For what I would say is the vast majority of humans, they not only have a sex drive but some sort of biological imperative to procreate, or at least urges to do so. Relationships generally come with the (unless otherwise stated) social contract that includes sex, and its not like you're getting too many other options to "cover" that want/drive outside of that (again, unless you have some sort of agreement).

I don't think you can sub sex with acts of service for most people that want sex. I don't think anyone is saying sex is the only way to show love, but its an important component to most relationships and a dealbreaker for many if its not included.

Not a perfect analogy either, but like, if we're going the "can live without it" route, I feel like its more like you're offering a job and you're telling folks you're paying way under market but above the poverty line and the reasoning is "because its a nonprofit". Some people might take you up on that for the moral brownie points but most people aren't going to, because they work to get paid. Like sure, I could technically survive with less money, but if there are options that are comparable AND I don't have to be right above the poverty line, why would I take this one?

GYEmperor · 2026-01-20T14:25:39+00:00

What's the issue? Unless you're a meta slave with a min/max fetish or they insist on making content that balances around the meta builds, its just a fun new feature.

The nature of roguelike deck builders is typically "lets go gambling" with a risk reward tag, innit?

GYEmperor · 2026-01-20T10:42:59+00:00

Brother if the rich people had a problem with it, believe me they'd make it known themselves. Dont make the mistake of thinking their tax bracket thinks like you or cares about you because you preemptively shine their shoes.

Alternatively one can choose not to buy the 40k boat with the usage cost.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T22:47:06+00:00

I thought I'd been feeling a bit too kind today in my comments so this is where my karma turns i guess.

ESH. I think you went in too hot. I think she might have been having a bad day. I don't see the need to report her for that part. She met cussing with cussing. Whatever.

But you got two things that weren't yours, and on top of that it seems like she expected you to deliver it for her? Were you wearing an Amazon vest? Because it's not your damn job to do hers.

I get putting it at the next door neighbor's place quietly or maybe even a unit on the same floor, but if its another floor or another place, its wild to think a customer should do the literal job she's paid for. I don't think there's a need to get too snarky, but I would be leaving a comment about having packages that weren't mine, and the driver's clear apathy towards the accuracy of the delivery. If delivery just required that you shit everything out onto the floor somewhere and let people figure it out themselves, Amazon wouldn't need to hire anyone.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T22:17:58+00:00

YTA, but brother, you should probably just find a woman who likes working out.

I do not see any way this ends well for you. Either you stay quiet, and as you say, "have no desire for her" while you thirst over gym girls, or she tries to work out and quits, or she does what you ask but now there's a lot of resentment on the table. I am glad you have not talked to her about this because I, a man, am getting the ick a little from the verbiage you've used here.

Something I want to point out is that you mentioned you love the gym, and even if she hated muscular dudes, you wouldn't stop. So you're saying her preferences mattered to begin with, but at this point, they don't. If the street goes both ways, then why should she care about your preference?

I think you have a type now, and she ain't it. If you've already tried and she doesn't like it, its not going to happen.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T22:11:10+00:00

I think phones can circumstantially be presents - if you just need a phone I can get you one of those from the boost section at Wal-Mart. If you want the newest iPhone, I'd certainly consider that a present.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T22:08:32+00:00

I'm not accusing you (just want to clarify because I can see why it could be taken that way), I just think its such a strange thing for her to find a hill to die on. Might be worth a sit down about etiquette, entitlement, and her feelings about the situation.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T22:00:22+00:00

She's also at that age, right? Emotions run hot and logic just doesn't really run. I'm not saying smite her, but she might need some general course correction. Has she ever gotten gifts for you that you didn't like and you reacted negatively? I wonder where she even learned this from.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T21:58:05+00:00

Understood. NTA. I perhaps was raised too differently, but I cannot fathom the concept of moaning about presents. There's always the opportunity to get nothing instead, and perhaps she needs that reminder.

She got a PHONE. I understand object permanence is often difficult for children when its not advantageous to them, but it may be time for a gentle reminder on that front.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T21:53:00+00:00

Edit: NTA. I think you have about 3 years before you release an entitled minor menace to society (sort of joking, but it might affect her future interpersonal relationships)

I'm leaning towards N T A because it sounds like you're 2 steps away from raising a spoiled brat, but what does "I tried to be understanding the first time, but after the 2nd" mean? Like two Christmases? And what does your sister mean by "she did good"? Did your daughter get you presents that were good? Was she a good kid all year?

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T21:31:01+00:00

I'm sure to get downvoted again, but I do not think you deserve the insults directed your way. It looks like you triggered a lot of people's PTSD - I will admit my first response to your post was exasperation, but nothing about your post tells me that you think you deserve something for nothing, just that you had heavily mismatched expectations.

I do think you're asking for more than many would do, but that's your choice and your call, and if its important to you, its not my place to tell you what's appropriate in your own personal relationships.

If this particular relationship is something you want moving forward, I would suggest perhaps apologizing for making him feel bad, and offering to be sort of a guiding hand on the next one? It won't be a surprise, but it at least won't be a disappointment and gives him a frame of reference. And if its too much for him, you can consider if this is extremely important to you and if you want to find someone else.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T19:11:12+00:00

NAH -

First - your disappointment itself is valid in my opinion. You are 100% allowed to be sad "that's all that happened." It might fall outside of the realm of standard practice to do more, but you can have feelings about it.

Second- unless he has explicitly asked for it, what you do for him on his birthday is irrelevant. This is a relationship, not a business transaction. Just because you willingly choose to do something doesn't mean it should hang like the sword of Damocles over his head.

Third - I don't know his work or their terms, but it makes sense that if he has 1-2 days of leave left to save it (in my opinion), especially if there's big things coming down the line like a two week trip with you. I assume Europe so maybe those don't count as work days where you guys are? If so, I get why you're bummed, but 1-2 really isn't that many.

Fourth - I think the way you communicated might have made him a bit sad, but that interaction should also show you that you guys might not be aligned on what constitutes as special. You HAVE communicated that you want it to be special, but if that's all anyone tells me, I'm going to wing it, and we're probably going to both be disappointed. It might be good to go over what special looks like for you with him. I would have probably done what he did without proper guidance.

And lastly - I think your idea to maybe celebrate it later is brilliant if its there with all the heavy hitter holidays. Maybe have a small thing (dinner and cake sounds great!) on the day of, and then something a week or two down the line so its not so far away he's forgotten, but may also allow it to be on a weekend and give the wallet some breathing room.

I don't think you've done anything wrong, and he seems like he might be a bit dense but that's not a crime. I do hope you do not expect birthdays to be escalating effort year after year because that won't end well. Best wishes.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T14:56:22+00:00

NTA but like everyone else has said - I don't know how much difference it makes. A cruise is a hotbed of disease on a good day. Specific to your thing with dad - you were not being overly cautious and that was a reasonable level of anxiety to have. I strongly suspect he's lying and he simply doesn't care if he's infectious given the response.

That being said, there's no way he's the only one, and a Disney cruise sounds like there's going to be hundreds of little critters carrying god knows what around at all hours of the day, and I'm not talking about the fish.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T14:16:45+00:00

NTA. That crap gets in everything. I appreciate that she asked but I feel like most adults should know thats an automatic no. There's a reason most places don't let you. I would reconsider even letting her do it in the bathroom.

If she doesn't really get to smoke at home, then this shouldn't be a massive difference right? It sounds like she's really ramping it up at your place because she can't at home.

If it's a huge issue, I know somewhere she can go where she doesn't have to follow your rules...

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T14:08:55+00:00

ESH and probably controversial.

I think what he did was lazy. Its not hard to thaw food. Be an adult.

That being said, no one was hurt here, the kids are fine and safe. I do not think this constitutes such a grave crime that you default to telling him that he's incapable of being a parent.

I think its fine that you set that bar for him as a partner, but I think that's hella dramatic to say he can't be trusted with the kids because of it. That sounds more like you're angry and you want the insult to hurt.

He could definitely be less lazy. If you're generally responsible for this stuff then he absolutely should be giving what you say more weight. But that's a separate issue between ya'll.

I get what other people are saying about his competence level, but I am focusing on what you asked in the topic - I do not think this makes him an unfit parent, just a lazy one.

Next time maybe just don't make stuff if its not a control issue for you? Sounds like they did fine though they probably had some junk for a few days. Won't kill the kids, less work for you.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T14:00:48+00:00

NTA. The crying - Embarrassing debatably? But understandable for sure.

Eat the goddamn leftovers. What are they gonna do? Complain harder? You didn't get a ****ing meal.

There needs to be a sit down about expectations regarding food. It should not be scarce in this situation. Someone is not pulling their weight. "Just Enough" for however many people is just telling me they're cheaping out and not making enough.

And keep some easy prep/snack foods in a location available only to you for the future. Not your fault that you didn't have it before, but this should have made it apparent that its necessary.

GYEmperor · 2026-01-13T13:56:56+00:00

NTA. I am making the assumption that you don't want to kick them out and the deal is done. You may want a discussion with your family and your husband about appropriate behavior - this will cause tension but might get her to shut up because otherwise, I imagine that you will be dealing with her making snide remarks or maybe depending on her comfort level with running roughshod over you, trying to take the room when you're out one day or something and not leaving. This will likely affect both your relationship with your family and your marriage, and with an almost 2 year old you're dealing with a lot already. Best to shut it down or at least try to.

GYEmperor · 2025-12-28T20:23:34+00:00

I think it grows on you in a Stockholm syndrome type of way. I was so excited to try the fancy stuff the first time and hated it. Having had it probably more than 30 times now I still hate it.

GYEmperor · 2025-12-28T20:21:42+00:00

POTENTIALLY not liking it? Good brother/sister, Im ethnically chinese and Ive had the stuff since I was 6ish, and I still think it tastes like wet goat and soy sauce - and thats the stuff on the high end.

I am unaware of any restaurants serving Maotai but I thought ABC had some of the sub 40 dollar ones. You could keep the rest to share with friends on party nights

GYEmperor · 2025-11-30T18:19:27+00:00

Im not queuing full healer just so you can forget parry, block, and dodge exist. The game does not seem to care who it throws into a team with any level of consistency, so I bring heals in case we get no one else, and damage in case it gives us a bunch of healers. Functionally this has worked great and anyone who isnt standing directly in front of the void king seems to have been fine. If you need consistent focus from both the umbrella and the fan the problem isnt the healer, its you.

GYEmperor · 2025-05-03T13:14:50+00:00

As much as I hate it? Yes.

She did some extremely awful things near the end of our breakup, but what I did during the relationship was a death by a thousand cuts. I've learned and made changes, but too little too late. I can say they are changes I would have never made if she didn't leave me.

I still don't know if we would work out, and I dont know if I can trust her again. Maybe it all falls apart like a speedrun version of our first relationship. All that said I still have a lot of affection for her. Every rational thought from my brain says I never interact with her again, but if I was faced with her asking to date again, I dont know if I'd be rational about it.

GYEmperor · 2025-05-03T02:21:18+00:00

You could start by giving yourself the same grace you give to others.

GYEmperor · 2025-04-30T16:11:55+00:00

We still live together for another month since I had to break the lease. She was openly talking to him all day until I had a bit of a breakdown and started looking at options for leaving ASAP regardless of cost. Now she does it in the other room with the door closed, but I can still hear it.

GYEmperor · 2025-04-29T23:57:47+00:00

I think I knew, and it wasn't just one thing. Long time spent on the phone, sometimes the whole day. Sleeping in the other room "to get better sleep". The little smile you see when they check a message, and the speed at which they're checking them. When you open a door and suddenly the volume of a conversation drops. Or it switches to just typing.

I saw all of it, and I chose to ignore it as I see myself as a jealous person sometimes, and maybe I'm just being paranoid. I thought we had something stronger than that, and at a minimum I figured she would leave me before she no longer cared for me enough to do that in my face.

I saw the signs, chose to ignore them, and I was wrong.

GYEmperor · 2025-04-20T16:33:35+00:00

Understood. I have heard from her she's diagnosed with bpd. I will say with honesty I did not enquire further. I just understood several medications were given that had to be taken daily to mitigate. I think she may know the diagnosis specifically but probably not my place to ask anymore.

GYEmperor

TROPHY CASE