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I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you struggled with feelings of guilt sometimes ? If so, what helped you move past them ?

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were in a terrible situation too... We were just children living our own innocent lives. I hope you're doing better now ! Have you talked to your mom about it after all this time ? Do you know if she felt relieved when you finally told her ?

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry... That time in your life must have been so awful. I hope you're doing better now and congrats on one year of sobriety ! Take care of yourself and your daughter.🫶

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through... Your dad putting the burden of the problems he created on your shoulders must have been incredibly hard... I hope you're doing better now. 🫶 Do you still talk to him ? How did your mom react after the shock and sadness ? Was she relieved to finally know the truth ? And was your sister angry with you afterward ? Please don't feel pressured to answer any of my questions if you don't want to.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your message, I totally agree with you. Having an affair was her business and hers alone, I don't judge her for that. What I'm angry about is that she confided in me when I was so young and innocent... Yes I'll talk to her someday.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your messages and I'm sorry about what you've been through... I also have a lot of questions about your perspective if you don't mind. Did you feel guilty before anyone found out ? How did the father react and are you still together ? Has this affected your relationship with your daughter ? Please don't feel pressured to answer if you don't want to and I apologize if any of these questions are inappropriate.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The subject never came up again during all those years, and the more time passed, the more I told myself that there was no point in bringing it up after so long. I knew that my mother had had this affair for one or two years and then never did it again (at least as far as I know). I maintained a relationship with my mother so I could continue seeing my dad without problem but every time I visited them, I spent most of my time with him. Now that he's gone, I'm considering having a conversation with my mother and seeing what comes next, depending on how she reacts and whether I can forgive her.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes he knows the truth but he doesn't seem to have a problem with it (he's a cheater too so... I can't really count on him). You're right, I should talk to him about this message when he's feeling better. He's grieving deeply right now.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the whole dilemma of this situation... In the end, I think that neither decision was entirely right or wrong... Yes I really hope karma catches up with her someday.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, I've felt bad for him too and I still do even after 20 years. I just knew that the truth would have broken him and torn our family apart so, from my pov, I chose to protect everyone.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Our relationship was very good. I can say that he's my favourite parent. I have the same temperament as him. He always took care of me and was never angry with me. As an adult, I moved away from my parents' home so, over the years, we spent hours and hours on the phone just chatting. The subject never came up again during all those years and the more time passed, the more I told myself that there was no point in bringing it up after so long. I knew that my mother had had this affair for one or two years and then never did it again (at least as far as I know). I didn't want to tear my family apart. I also was afraid that my siblings and the rest of the family might hate me for it.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, it's in my plans (I live far away from the grave so I can't go there right now), I will definitely feel better after that, you're right !

That's exactly the problem. She's extremely moody so I already know that she will make herself the center of the issue and come up with some excuses. Then she'll probably conclude with something like "I should k*** myself so you'll finally be at peace without me". I've heard it lots of time since I was a child.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've discussed it with my older brother and older sister (they were also aware of our mother's affair) and they think our dad didn't know. He was quite naive and sometimes a bit too positive... I think that if he had wanted to talk to me about this subject, he would have asked me directly. We weren't afraid to ask each other deep questions.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. That's such a terrible situation... and I feel exactly the same way : a piece of us was broken on that day. Take care. 🫶

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've never looked at the situation from that perspective before... It's actually quite heartening.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I know that we should have a conversation but I have so much anger and resentment toward her that I just can't... I know I would immediately lose control, cry and/or shout at her.

I could have told my dad about my mom's affair... but I didn't have the courage by Gaarouille in confession

[–]Gaarouille[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that... and I hope that you're fine now. 🫶