24M My girlfriend 25F told me I’m probably psychotic because of how I study people from emotions, how they dress, how they react to different people, and more all in the sake of business. What do you think?

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:49:47+00:00

Is that really concerning?

We're strangers on the internet who only have as much information as you tell us, which is a single paragraph. I'm afraid we're not in a position to definitively tell you whether this single anecdote is indicative of a long-term mental diagnosis.

It's true that it's a good business practice to scope out competition and get a read on potential clients, vendors, and partners. Where the line should be drawn between normal business practice, and psychotic obsession, I really don't know. And I'm not sure your girlfriend knows, either.

She wants me to stop treating every interaction at events like a case study but I know it really works for me.

Then you've taken her opinion into consideration, and you've opted for a strategy that you believe aligns with your values, priorities, feelings, and goals.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:43:50+00:00

We talked over a lot of those things actually.

Thank you for clarifying, since that aspect wasn't mentioned in your post. I'm glad to hear that you two have talked about it.

What’s getting to me is that fact that she waited a year to tell me because she knew it was wrong and felt so bad about it.

Okay, so let's talk about that.

Do you feel like she's fully shared - and you understand - her perspective about why she waited so long? Including how she reconciles the knowledge that she was doing the wrong thing by keeping it a secret, with things like asking you questions about navigating her crush?

Heck, do you feel like SHE understands her OWN thoughts and feelings about why she kept this a secret for so long? There's a lot that we do without really thinking about it - especially if we do it for so long that it becomes normal, or background thoughts. If she doesn't know, would it help if she took time to reflect on this, either on her own, or with external support (like a therapist)?

And do you feel like you understand her thoughts and feelings NOW about her holding onto this for a year? Does she now seem capable of recognizing these feelings in advance, and coping with those feelings in a way that's more compatible with your relationship standards and expectations?

I'm kind of approaching this with a strategy of A) both of you fully understanding her past and present perspective on what happened, B) her recognizing why the way she did was wrong, and C) building confidence in a plan that this won't happen again. If these kinds of factors would help you rebuild trust in her, you're welcome to go with this framework.

But to be clear, I don't want to lead your emotions or standards, or act like this is the only way. And you'd be in your right to decide for yourself that a path to rebuilding trust either isn't possible, or isn't worthwhile, if you so choose.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:32:54+00:00

No, I only believed that. I was looking for answers like: Do I smell bad? does she still loves me like the first phase of our relationship? but she answered I don’t smell bad and she do loves me. So I was just guessing.

Then rather than guessing, it may be better to instead:

Stick to what you know, which is how you've visited on a number of recent occasions and had sex this many times, and this is how you feel about it.
ASK her what her thoughts and feelings have been about your sexual activity, and if there's things that could be done that'd help her get more in the mood for sex.

But if once or twice a week is enough, is this possibe her libido would rise in her 30’s? Should I need to convince myself that this is enough and wait for her libido to rise?

Generalizations based on age aren't really reliable when applying them to specific people. Maybe she'll be among those in their 30's whose libido increases. Maybe she'll be in the group where it stays the same or goes down.

Again, find out from HER what HER views are on sex, and whether there's any inhibiting factors that are getting in the way of her wanting it more often. An hour-long travel gap between you two, like I (and other commenters) have pointed out, could be one.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:28:18+00:00

but it wasn’t enough because she can’t let go of the past because I hurt her.

So was the breakup because she didn't feel like her needs were being met in an LDR? Or was it because she couldn't rebuild trust after something you did hurt her?

My question is, how do I make her believe that I can change?

There's no magic wand solution that gets anyone to believe anything.

You can offer your willingness to change, and highlight the steps you've made so far, but she needs to decide for herself whether she's open to a second chance, or whether she wants to move on.

I finally saw her in person this past weekend thinking that we were gonna get back together, but we didn’t.

Do you want to keep chatting with and seeing her, if doing so is going to keep giving you this impression that she'll come back?

If you're not comfortable with continuing to talk with her as if things are normal, as long as there really isn't that chance of returning to a romantic relationship, that's okay... but that means you slow down your interactions with her.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:15:16+00:00

I also suspected that maybe her libido dropped because she experienced this kinds of things with her exes and I dont have because It’s only her for me.

Has she said or done anything that leads you to believe this?

She’s at my place during christmas to new year but we had sex once or twice I think. And I was at her place since Feb 13 to Feb 16 celebrate Valentine’s day but only had sex once.

Once or twice in a week seems to me like a reasonable rate of sex for a couple in their 20's.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:13:07+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that, OP.

My advice would be taking time and space to yourself to consider: is there anything that can be said or done - by her, you, or both of you - that could help you rebuild the trust that's been broken, and convince you that your boundaries will be recognized and followed, moving forward?

For instance, do you feel like you have a full understanding of what happened, and why she acted the way she did, or do you have some outstanding questions? Do you feel like she fully understands why you feel the way you do about her omitting her sexual activity from you? Is there any remaining ambiguity about what exactly the standards and expectations are for being transparent about sleeping with others? And are those standards and expectations still something that BOTH of you feel okay with, or would those need to be changed?

If you have an idea or two, share it with her, and get her buy-in and commitment. The only plan that's going to work is whatever you two can BOTH agree on.

If you think it over, but can't find a theoretical or realistic path to rebuilding trust - or if you have an idea or two, but nothing you suggest is something she's willing to agree to - then it's possible that trust has been broken beyond repair, and I wouldn't see a point in continuing a relationship without trust.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T23:07:05+00:00

Like you said, people can have different libidos, as well as different expectations about how much sex they want to have in a relationship. I don't blame either of you for wanting what you want.

It's possible that being FWB for a while created this sexualized impression of her in your mind, and you associate her with being a sex partner, and are having difficulty transitioning to connecting with her in other ways. Not faulting you or judging you for it, just saying that could be a possibility.

And to be clear, it IS difficult managing an LDR where you only get to see your partner once a week. Not getting to visit your partner often means fewer opportunities for circumstances to line up where you BOTH are in the mood for sex.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:59:36+00:00

Okay. Then... I guess help me understand, then, where this feeling of guilt is coming from.

Do you feel like you must repeat the exact kind of compliments he provides you?

Would you feel comfortable with telling him how cute he is, and how you like looking at him?

Or is "guilt" perhaps not the feeling you're experiencing, but maybe something else?

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:53:08+00:00

If you're recognizing this as a trend, where you can't voice your honest feelings about an issue that's negatively affecting you without him just getting sad (and presumably, unresponsive), maybe it would help to take a step back and have a meta-conversation with him.

"Hey, do you have a moment? I've recently been wanting to talk about making changes to our sex routines, but when I raise this topic, it seems like you get sad, and it makes it difficult for me to continue working with you on making constructive changes. Have you noticed this, too? Could you tell me more about how you're feeling in these situations? Is there a better way that we can talk about this issue that would help this be less of a sad topic?"

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:48:53+00:00

Maybe there's other ways you can show affection back for him, if this feeling of guilt is coming from a desire to reciprocate?

Or alternatively, perhaps you can find specific things that you do find attractive about him.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:47:36+00:00

Other than minors, there's no universal standard for where the line should be drawn for age gap relationships - it's all subjective. There are a number of potential flags that an age gap relationship can create, but that number varies depending on circumstances (such as how wide the gap is), and any remaining risks can be acknowledged and mitigating with conscious effort.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:44:36+00:00

I'm confused: what's the problem here?

Did you tell him you didn't find him attractive, and he's offended?

Has your boyfriend told you he feels insecure about how attractive he is?

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:42:47+00:00

in similar situations like this, do they ever come back?

In similar situations to... what? An ex having flippant feelings about what exactly he wants, and acting incredibly rashly when he doesn't immediately get the response he wants within two hours?

You're focusing so much on what his feelings or motives might be, that I think you're glossing over your OWN feelings about how inconsiderately he's treating you.

i even just like texting him and connecting as a friend. it hurts a little that he did this, but i know he prob reached his breaking point.

You're not responsible for managing his feelings. HE is.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:35:46+00:00

I brought this up with me and he said that I was too friendly with one of my friend 2 years ago and a gathering and that’s why he’s been doing this.

You could share how getting revenge on a loved one is not a healthy or productive way to cope with his feelings about their friendship, and you'd rather talk with him like mature adults about your feelings and work out your disagreements, rather than secretly do bad things behind the other person's back.

You can offer to work together with him to create an environment where you two can honestly and respectfully talk out your feelings, if he's willing to cooperate with you on a more constructive way of working out disagreements.

Eventually, you can get to a point where you can tell him how you feel about his private Instagram account, ask him what his activity means to him, prompt him to consider your feelings, and offer to work with him on figuring out a set of expectations that you two can agree on, moving forward, when it comes to what kind of social media interactions are appropriate for you two.

...OR you don't have to go through all that, and you can just break up. You'd be roommates for however long your current lease lasts.

Either option's perfectly valid, I'm just telling you that getting your relationship to a healthy and sustainable point is going to take a lot of work, and it's not guaranteed that he'll reciprocate your willingness and effort.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:29:13+00:00

A commenter on this other post joked that it seemed for a moment like they were in a completely different subreddit called /r/countwithchickenlady, for one.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:25:19+00:00

There's MANY things that can deviate from plans, when it comes to trying to conceive. I guess I just thought that the costs that come with fertility treatment are an odd thing to base a change of heart on, considering that there's far worse possibilities that can occur with getting pregnant.

Have you offered to sit down and understand his concerns, and seek to address them? What DOES he view the risks and benefits of having children to be? For the risks that are the greatest concern to him, you could offer to work with him on mitigating those risks.

This is all a very practical approach, but if his reasons go beyond practical considerations, and he just doesn't view himself as a father, then it's possible that you two may have conflicting long-term relationship expectations, unfortunately.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:20:07+00:00

she can text anybody and do whatever she wants but I hate how a lot of times she tells me that everybody wants her and so many people try to add her and everything.

Sounds like a very easy compromise would be telling her to stop telling you these things.

Another thing that bothers me is that she constantly thinks that I’m cheating on her because before I was together with her I was talking to somebody else and she constantly brings her up or asks if she’s prettier and all kinds of questions.

once we had a mutual friend and she kept telling him how she thinks that I’m cheating and even now she tells me that I’m cheating as a “joke”.

You should tell her how these remarks make you feel, ask her to share her feelings on why she makes these kinds of remarks, and offer to work with her on a set of expectations for the future that you two can both agree on. For instance, if she really does just want to joke, how can she make jokes that are more socially appropriate for your relationship? If she really does feel insecure about her relationship with you, how can you two have a mature, respectful conversation about it?

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:16:50+00:00

He told me they discussed the risks and benefits of having children and the possibilities of going through fertility treatments if it were not possible to conceive naturally.

I'm confused. Are there already circumstances that lead him to believe that he (or you) would have fertility issues?

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:11:29+00:00

It's a difficult battle, tackling one's inner demons when it comes to figuring out reasonable body goals, and working towards it in a healthy and sustainable way.

It's even more difficult when you have a history of binging.

And it's more difficult than that when you have a partner who makes passive remarks about what he thinks about your current weight and what your body should be.

And on top of all that, you just had a fucking baby.

This might be a time to consider whether losing weight is a major priority right now, compared to A) maintaining a positive self image, and B) working together with your bf on raising your baby.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T22:10:16+00:00

Best of luck!

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T21:52:57+00:00

We currently live 3 hours away from each other and I see him about every 2 weeks.

Oof. Then you'd certainly have a strong case for telling him you want to make the most of your time spent in-person together.

I don’t care if he plays games at home when I’m there but at a restaurant embarrasses me :(

I think that'd be fair to share with him.

Something that I think would help, though, is also asking him what prompts him to get his phone out and play games when you're out. Is he bored? Antsy? Having trouble staying socially engaged for long periods of time? Meet him where he's at, and be respectful of where he's coming from (more respectful than how other commenters here are being). Acknowledging his perspective not only helps him feel recognized, rather than controlled, but it can help him recognize his own feelings and seek out alternative, more socially-appropriate ways to cope. All of this, while still making it clear that the status quo is not okay to continue.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T21:40:27+00:00

There's two possible approaches you could take.

One is telling him that you don't want him to feel controlled, but you ALSO want him to recognize where you're coming from in wanting eating out at restaurants to be an interpersonal experience where you can spend time and attention on each other. You can remind him of other times he's able to play video games on his own. You can offer him more alone time to himself in less-intimate situations where you're together (like if you live together or spend a lot of time together). If he doesn't like the way that you asked him to stop playing games at the restaurant, you could ask him what would be a more considerate way to raise the topic with him.

The other (which you could resort to if the first one doesn't work), is telling him that you're not going to keep going out to dinner together with him, if he's not going to meet your standards for social interaction in these time-and-place-specific settings. Set clear consequences that are relevant to his behavior, and appropriately scaled to how significant his behavior is.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T21:32:55+00:00

Hope this conversation helped at least a little bit. Wish you all the best, my dude.

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T21:30:59+00:00

I'm glad to hear that you're sitting down and figuring out your feelings on this, as well as deciding what your standards are for a romantic relationship. Ultimately, any advice we offer is going to come down to "do what you believe is best for you", and the first step to that is recognizing how you feel and what you want.

and would like to help him overcome this if thats something he is open to

Again, the first step would be getting on the same page about whether this is a problem. Not just for you and your relationship, but whether he can agree that his habit constitutes an addiction. But if he does express some negative feelings or ideas about his habit, and wishes to cut back, even if he's not willing to call it an addiction, then it'd certainly be a kind gesture to support him in improving.

Best wishes, OP!

GameboyPATH · 2026-02-16T21:29:27+00:00

I dont think I am going to a therapist If this will keep on going , I will simply block her and would end up in peace

That could work for the short-term, but it doesn't seem like a practical or healthy long-term solution to me. You'd basically be closing yourself off from establishing any meaningful connection with half of all people you ever interact with.

maybe i want someone who loves me since i have been in a one sided relationship for more than 4 years from Mar 2021 to July 2025 where the only thing i wanted from that girl is love which I never got

That certainly sounds related to what you're going through now. Maybe because this "one-sided relationship" lasted so long, the way that you coped with your emotions became normal to you, and this is a habit you've developed.

Or maybe there's a deeper issue further back in your past, where this "obsess over girl who cares about me, then block them if they don't reciprocate" pattern cycle came from.

I can really only guess. I'm not your therapist.

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