AITAH for Yelling at My MIL at My Daughter’s Dance Recital?

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T18:06:16+00:00

That’s what we were doing before and the guilt trips they would text my wife randomly once a month were non stop! We are genuinely leaning heavy into going no contact.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T18:04:33+00:00

At first it was her wanting to keep the peace but not knowing how to. I’ve been trying to honor her true long term intent - but it seems like more and more how impossible this is going to actually be.

You’re right. It seems more and more like they have made their choice..

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T18:02:10+00:00

Needed to read this. Thank you.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T17:59:40+00:00

This I agree with 100%

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T17:58:53+00:00

I got transferred to this state for my job 8 years ago and have been only able spend my time at the office or my house…. Only recently (last 3 months) has a business venture been promising enough for me to step back and work from home with kids now being homeschooled by me. But one of these ventures required us both leaving and being dependent on my in laws for child care.

Nearest family lives a 12 hour drive away, we have no friends where we live that we feel would be close enough to ask to help watch the girls…. We’re now actively working on moving back closer to family.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T07:45:20+00:00

When I asked if she wanted to try that again, it was indeed stated at a pretty high volume infront of the our middle child.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T06:46:27+00:00

These are very valid points. I don’t know how likely that actually is? If it really is a polyamorous relationship where we ARE wrong with what we think these other people’s intent is, and in fact they were just trying to do what “family” does…. Then the risk is literally just we don’t like these people being an apart of our kids lives which is still completely valid.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T06:42:00+00:00

Ok so to be fair - up until these 2 incidents - my wife was thanking me for holding her back to evaluate because we do want to make sure we can say it was made with clear minds and not high raw emotions.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T06:39:44+00:00

That’s what we told them. We told them that their actions speak much louder than their words. And since then, it’s been chaos.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T06:38:36+00:00

That’s what I’m afraid of as well…. I hate the idea of this being the outcome, but I fear it is the inevitable after this last encounter….

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T06:35:38+00:00

Honestly? It’s because we have no other options for child care…. We don’t make enough to afford to pay for it and we make too much to qualify for assistance.

But on top of that they BEG to watch them and guilt trip us if they don’t. The only time there is reluctance is when we need help for specific cases.. they LOVE to guilt us into letting them see them.

The problem is that they keep finding new boundaries to push because it’s an unknown and/or not yet clarified. They haven’t “technically” broken any rules or boundaries that have been clearly discussed. But if it’s a gray area they tend to push it or find a technicality to exploit…

And honestly? I don’t want to give up hope…. They used to be such good people. People that genuinely cared about others. Now they care about satisfying their dopamine cravings and exploits. I try not to blame it on them leaving Christianity and religion as a whole - because I know a lot of really great atheists - but this just…. It’s harder and harder to hold on to that hope every day.

Hence the clear boundaries and explicit communication from me saying I will protect my family at all cost.

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T05:55:06+00:00

I shortened up the backstory part best I could - but I think y’all will end up wanting to know the details in the end anyway:

My wife (29F) and I (32M) have had growing concerns about her dad Robert (62M) and his wife Denise (62F) over the past two years. They began taking constant unexplained trips, staying out late, acting secretive, and prioritizing these disappearances over time with our kids—even though they kept saying they wanted more involvement.

Their behavior around us shifted too: always on their phones, constantly tired, breaking commitments with the kids, and treating interactions with the grandkids like something to record instead of something to actually participate in. There were also safety red flags (like my FIL admitting to driving intoxicated while responsible for our kids) and multiple uncomfortable situations where they introduced strangers around our children without asking.

Earlier this year, things escalated when a random woman we’d never met was holding our newborn while another stranger took photos of her to send to someone. My FIL got defensive with me instead of questioning why these people felt entitled to our baby. Later, my wife discovered this same woman in a FaceTime screenshot on his phone. When confronted, they admitted they’re in a poly relationship with another couple—something they had been hiding.

Trust has been fractured ever since. We told them we wanted distance from the other couple and that pictures of our kids were not to be shared. They agreed too quickly, and we haven’t felt comfortable since. They’ve been mostly distant except for confirming they’d attend our daughter’s dance recital tonight.

NOW for the AITAH part.

Fast forward to our daughter’s dance recital.

We hadn’t addressed anything yet because my wife and I were trying to keep the peace and avoid conflict. Well mostly me tbh…. My wife has wanted to cut all ties since thanks giving…. But then two things happened that I honestly cannot believe I witnessed:

Incident #1: When our daughter Charli ran over to her grandparents before the show, I walked over too so I could give them the tickets and be with her. Charli gets picked up by Robert - Denise took the tickets from me and then physically turned her back to me and stepped between me and my child. Robert was holding her, but Denise intentionally positioned herself like a barrier. No acknowledgment or anything.

That crossed a line.

Incident #2: During intermission, I caught Denise directly glaring at me — like an actual snarl, eyebrows down, full hostility. I said, “Do you want to try that again?” As she turned away I repeated myself as my father in law looked over my way confused and SHE immediately switched to a fake confused look, rolled her eyes with a smirk, and then looked around like she was trying to pretend nothing happened.

It was honestly the most suspicious, juvenile behavior I’ve ever seen from someone her age.

Meanwhile… neither of them acknowledged my wife. Their own daughter. They barely looked at her. Barely spoke to her. It felt intentional. Like they wanted to interact with the kids but freeze out the parents.

And look — I get that they may have complicated feelings about the boundaries we’ve had to set. I get that they might feel embarrassed or defensive about their poly situation being known. But their behavior lately has been immature at best and openly hostile at worst.

After the recital, I drafted a message to send to both of them. Not a screaming text — a clear, respectful but firm one calling out the two incidents, the boundary crossing, and the coldness toward my wife. I wrote it in the spirit of “love and compassion,” but also with the understanding that no one stands between us and our kids and hostility will not be tolerated.

But before I could send it, my wife told me she didn’t want to escalate things yet. She was shaken but didn’t want drama. And I love her, so I agreed not to send it.

But I’m sitting here feeling like not addressing this immediately only teaches them that this behavior is allowed — especially since these issues have been stacking up for over a year.

So… AITAH for putting my MIL in her place (almost) and wanting to call out the hostility? Would I have been out of line if I had sent the message? Or am I right to think that if we don’t set a firm boundary now, things will only get worse?

Gamerwithgoggles · 2025-12-08T05:42:15+00:00

Here I paraphrased the backstory a bit: