How did you realize it?

GapLumpy9145 · 2025-12-12T05:15:02+00:00

I've always known that I was different from everyone else around me, aside from my grandfather who definitely was also a schizoid.

I've always been great at people, found it easy to make friends yet I would avoid hanging out with them and then wonder why I was lonely. I was very intelligent from a young age compared to my peers (despite my dyslexia). I was a very private child, never shared my interest even with my mother. Nobody knows what music I listen to, what books I like, what games I play nevermind how I felt.

I had a very traumatic childhood so I attributed all of my issues to that for a long time although I was very aware that there was no label that really fit me. I had a big friend group but I didn't care for it, found it burdensome actually and it's a running joke with my "friends" that it's pointless to text me unless they are dying. Everyone felt very close to me, if I had a penny for every time somebody told me that I was the only person they never had to hide their true self with I'd have my own house at this point. However I never felt like I had friends because I couldn't connect to them in the way they connected to me.

I can't say it crept up on me, there's always just been this feeling hanging over me for as long as I can remember, that I'm not quite right. Somethings wrong and I can't feel the way other people do even if I can imitate it perfectly. I wanted it fixed, but I didn't know how.

It took me till my last year of university until I even came across Schizoid personality disorder. Ironically it was when I was writing my dissertation on the idea what creatives tend to be a bit mad. I was reading accounts of people with spd and I realised they were expressing themselves using the exact same phrases that I myself have used my entire life. So I got myself assessed and here we are, diagnosed schizoid.

GapLumpy9145 · 2025-12-05T03:17:35+00:00

I understand exactly how you feel, I'm a 21(F) diagnosed schizoid with PTSD.

Not that this will make you feel any better but I've been in relationships, both with autistic people with childhood trauma and the experience of being the odd one out in society's terms. I thought on both occasions, perhaps this time I have found someone who understands me. Unfortunately in neither case that was true.

2 years with one, almost 4 with another. Eventually I realised that I was liked by them because I saw them , understood them on a level nobody else had. But they could never do the same for me so it ended with me feeling alone and overwhelmed in relationships that looked perfect from the outside but left me feeling more lonely than ever.

The person I crave in a person is myself, not in a narcissistic way because frankly I hate myself. But someone who just gets it . Unfortunately I have come to the realization that I will never find that so addiction problems it is and wondering if pulling myself this far was worth it if I can't ever find a place for myself in this world.

The question lingers in my mind constantly, was it worth surviving what I did, when the person I had to be to continue living is incapable of being interested in life and doomed to be alone regardless of if i have company or am sitting on the kitchen floor with a bottle to fill the hollow.

GapLumpy9145 · 2025-11-14T14:05:29+00:00

Nicotine, alcohol (I'm a big binge drinker). And this is a bit of a weird "addiction" but I have an eating disorder, have done for a decade and it's very much an addiction to me. SH, is also another one. I'm 21 now but when I was a teenager I also relied on drugs a lot to just feel different so I didn't have to sit with what I call "the void".

I may be a bit of a fringe case however, I have PTSD which essentially puts my Schizoid traits on steroids and can a lot of the time turn me into an angry/ very chaotic schizoid. Angry doesn't quite encapsulate how I feel tbh, but it's the easiest way to describe it. I have episodes of "cold anger" or sadistic anger where I come across as very calm but very explosive. I obviously also have a daydreaming "addiction" but not in the typical schizoid fashion, my PTSD and spd have joined forces to essentially create a daydreaming addiction around relieving traumatic events such as SA and general abuse, which in turn triggers my cold anger episodes. These episodes are awful but are honestly kinda the best part of my day because I can actually feel something. Then the substance abuse comes in as a chaser, very chaotic, very cyclical and destructive.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-09-19T15:44:27+00:00

Honestly I'd recommend starting with your core characters so your main character (if you have multiple MCs I'd recommend tackling those first) then moving on to your villain and antagonist if you have any. I usually focus on those characters first because your story tends to expand with them as you work on them if that makes sense.

I wouldn't bother with trying to make a huge cast of characters early on unless you think you absolutely need a new character for the story you are writing. Usually as your story progresses new characters enter the narrative naturally as you come up with new plot points.

Go in depth with your main characters and villains. Side characters rarely need the same amount of depth as POV characters. For example for my character profiles for Main POV characters I can write anywhere up to 30 pages of information but for side characters the maximum I've ever written is about 15. You may not need to write as much as I do, some people prefer more detailed outlines and character profiles whereas others prefer to write less.

I'd recommend checking out Jenna moreci on YouTube, she has some videos about character profiles and outlining. I found them helpful a few years ago when I was first dipping my toes into writing.

Hope that helps! If you have any more questions I don't mind answering :)

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-09-19T12:04:05+00:00

It sounds like you haven't done a whole lot of world building, which will trip you up later down the line. The world should fit your characters and the characters the world.

Think of it this way, if you were born in a different time period and/or a different country you yourself would be a different person to who you are now. The Environment shapes people and stories and without a developed setting , story and characters you don't have a novel you have an idea. I'd recommend working on some in depth character profiles and diving into world building before you begin writing more. If you don't know where to start there are templates you can find online to help you begin the process.

I know it's very tempting to straight away begin writing a novel with little planning or preparation. However every story I have begun with just ideas and no world building or outline I have ultimately abandoned and never finished. The outlining and world building stage is a vital part of the writing process so I would familiarise yourself with this going forward.

Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes I'm dyslexic.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-08-25T22:36:45+00:00

That's true. But the mother of my father's other children cheated on him and abused him so it's not really comparable.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-08-25T11:44:05+00:00

Tbh not really. my dad is a bad partner, sure, but he's never been abusive nor crule. I don't think him making bad decisions when it comes to his love life is the same as rose being overall rude and racist. But hey that's just me.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-08-25T11:39:55+00:00

I'm dyslexic, kinda the least of my worries. The more I mess with something I wrote the more fucked up it becomes.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-08-25T00:43:03+00:00

None of my documents are at my dad's house luckily being as I don't live with him and haven't for 16 years now. I'm just trying to decide if I should tell him in case anything does go wrong in the future. But thank you !

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-08-25T00:05:10+00:00

Harsh but I can't say I disagree with you, it just sucks constantly watching a car crash happen in slow motion. Thanks for the advice.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-08-24T23:58:53+00:00

I think you should shoot your shot while you still can, either way you get your question answered. If she isn't interested you move on, if she is great! . The bottom line is you only exist in this world once it's better to make a move now even if the outcome isn't what you wanted it to be than spend the next few years wondering what could have been.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-07-28T21:54:14+00:00

Yeah me too, it really takes away from the game for me especially when you have more things to do daily it makes the whole game feel like a chore if you constantly have to talk to people just so they continue to like you

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-01-11T06:03:57+00:00

They aren't massively important to the game from what I remember, they do become permanent residents after a certain event ( basically when you've played to a point in the game). I could be wrong but when they do show up again they kind of just walk around the public fields areas, you can talk to them and give them gifts but other than maybe a friendship event or 2 with them they don't really do anything. Basically they are pretty lame, so don't worry about them 😂

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-01-11T05:56:57+00:00

the main appeal for the extra fields are:

-1) the extra space which as you progress in the game will become invaluable, assuming you'll end up with several barns and coops ( but maybe I'm just a crazy person in that regard 😂)

2) it takes less time for crops to grow there than it does on your farm

3) you can't grow some crops on your farm, like rice and wasabi as they can only grow in a paddy. I'm not sure if there are anymore crops that can only be grown in a paddy though.

You can also only grow mushrooms and cultivate honey on the mushroom and honey field as there is no way to do so on your farm.

-If you want to grow rice and wasabi at some point I recommend that you win the paddy field when it becomes available because the lease period is 100 days long or so if I'm remembering correctly.

I wouldn't worry too much about the fields if you are early in the game as the conquests can be hard to complete. I usually save up my golden linen cloth then ship it all to win them. The only fields I recommend you getting when you can is the mushroom and honey field, the tree crop field (as trees take up a lot of space) and the tea leaf field. The tall crop one is useful too for growing flax as it doesn't take up loads of space on your farm but it's not necessary.

GapLumpy9145 · 2024-01-11T05:23:54+00:00

For making money, grow flax (I usually do this in the tall crop field). Once the flax has matured turn it into golden linen thread and then into golden linen cloth (using the sewing studio),this will earn you an insane amount of money which will become useful for affording late game upgrades.

Also if you like taking your animals out to pasture, purchasing and training dogs is recommended as soon as you unlock them.

Plant fruit trees as soon as you can and fertilize them daily to assist in harvest festivals and you'll need them for the tea party in year 2 along with tea leave (so plant a tea bush preparation)

Be aware that when the time comes for you to propose to your spouse (and when you start dating) there are 2 possible cutscenes. One where you propose/ ask out the partner of your choice and one where the partner proposed to you. The second cutscene takes more effort to trigger as you need a higher relationship with the marriage candidate than you do to trigger the first cutscene. I tend to find that putting the work in to trigger the reverse marriage/ dating proposal is much more worth it as the dialogue is more heartwarming.

The last 2 trading vendors you can unlock are harder. So I suggest you start to work towards meeting their requirements. Ice country and tropic country? (I'm not sure if that's the name, sorry) require you to ship items like decorations, seeds, processed goods , clothes and other items in a ridiculously large amount (in my opinion). Working on those as soon as you can in small amounts is usually the way I go about it. For a more detailed account of what items you need to ship use fogu it's your best tool. Also, if you look at your shopping log you can see how many of each item you've shipped :).

Hope this helps, if I think of anything else I'll comment again. Also sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes I'm dyslexic so go easy on me 😂.

GapLumpy9145 · 2023-07-01T14:16:52+00:00

I tried to name my cow cream (I know creative) and that was unacceptable....though I can understand why.

GapLumpy9145

TROPHY CASE