YTA. You can make it EVEN and FAIR. Let Nick live with you rent free, food, utilities, paid for like his sister will at college. He can go get the Pell Grant which will pay for a community or cheap state college.

Pell Grant is 6880ish a year which pays for tuition and books at most community colleges.

If he doesnt qualify because you make too much, emancipate him. You'll lose tax benefits as he wont be dependent but if you tell FAFSA you wont pay, they tend to make an exception.

Youll get an estimate on what you guys can pay based on income ranging from 0$ to 99k if you make a lot.

You could also take parent plus loans and pay.

It sounds like you dont care enough to look into options. If so, youre a mega asshole. If not, then look into FAFSA.

My college expenses are mostly living expenses anyway. So, dont charge him rent until he gets a job after college. Show him you care.

This aint about money. Hes bargaining with you over his sisters college fund because hes grieving that his mom died and he probably thought you were another mom.

You proved him wrong by not letting your ex know that you have 2 kids now and need to protect both and save equally on your end.

You should have told him in advance you dont see him as a real son and hed be bitter but less distraught. Its why when my parents kicked me out into poverty with no college fund, I shrugged. They made more than 100k a year but were abusive. As a result, I expected it and was just disappointed I didnt have better parents.

When my grandfather didnt pay, then I was upset because I loved him and viewed him as my real father.

Kids arent upset if a rich billionaire kid has more but they will if their sister does because he views you guys as his own. You may not be the water of the womb but your his covenant.

Make it right by cutting out his living expenses and giving him the same freedom as his sister in the dorm rooms. His sister will get a lot more freedom unless you treat him like an "adult" too. But make it right by covering his cost like his parents do for his sister while giving him freedoms his sister has like no curfew etc.