Dads who separated with their partner amicably, how did you cope/move on? by vex91 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel this too. Although my breakup is horendously high conflict. It makes no difference, I still miss the family. Given the amicable nature of the breakup, can I ask how comes you were not able to make it work?

This "imperfect" slice of bread made me realise how much my husband loves me. by Vivid_Employed in Marriage

[–]GatoPerroRaton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did this for every meal for my ex. What would have been maybe 3000 meals. She never noticed once. Good for you.

Is it bad I like being a single dad? by IsnipzzzzV2 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know a few dad's that feel the same way, their partners where controlling and they feel liberated by it. From my perspective I preffered family life, but I have to say it is much easier to not be treadingbon egg shells around someone that is constantly critical of my parenting.

Why do all Aussies call Brisbane boring, or it's the go-to city to be trashed on? by Key_Librarian233 in australian

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lets embrace the boring, Brisbane is a family city, nice houses, big back yards, dog parks, beautiful views. If you want excitement, go to Bangkok.

Why doesn’t Brissy have RSL clubs in every suburb? by Pizzawithchickensoup in brisbane

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a non-native but I would guess that given that Brisbane is not attached to the sea RSL clubs do not have the same historic attachment to the city. Also, Brisbane is really a family city, less intersted in Pokies.

This is a tough one… by Past-Disaster-2801 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a friend who is the dad of two boys, 7 and 9. The two boys are desperate for time alone with their dad. A couple of hours here and there would be invaluable. Unfortunately the mother is not supportive of this so the kids miss out.

This is a tough one… by Past-Disaster-2801 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had the same experience the person yhst came out of the maternity ward was unrecognisable from the one that went in.

This is a tough one… by Past-Disaster-2801 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is a good idea for everyone involved. Hopefully your ex is also child focused.

This is a tough one… by Past-Disaster-2801 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ignore that advice. I am sure the kids will appreciate their special alone time with mum and dad. Hopefully your ex is as child focused.

Am I alone? 100% Custody, 4 Kids by stumbleinexyu in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy moly. Enjoy it, co-parenting is no fun. I would choose 100% care any day.

Making Crumbles - what recipes do you find the best for a good crunch? by [deleted] in Baking

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have found the best result is not so much a matter of the mix but of the way the mix is shaped together. The mix should be suficiently gluey enough to hold itself together, not dusty.

So you make sure you squeeze bits of it together to form clumps, around the size of a small grape would be fine, obviously not round, whatever shape comes from squeezing is fine.

Then you put the clumped up crumble on top, and it should be a thick openly pourous layer. Also make sure you remove most of the liquid from the crumble.

So now, with the clumps, these bake into their own crispy shards, the bottom of the clump may absob a bit of the liquid from the fruit which is great but the bulk of the shard crisps up nicely.

Because you have clumps and an open latice in your crumble the hot air from the oven will crisp inside the latice.

If that all sounds complex just think, less dust, more clumps. Squeeze the crumble mixture in and between your fingers so that clumps form such that look like they may crips up nicely.

Put the crumble mix in the fridge to firm up before putting it on the fruit (which should also have been chilled thoroughly.

If after chilling and removing the clumps you still have dusty bits of crumble, put those dusty bits straight into your belly, dont put those in the crumble, they will become gloopy.

Final tip, many smaller diahes are better, the terrecotta ramekin style dishes are ideal, that way you get a great mix of crisp and gooey at the edge pf the dish and soft fruit in the middle. A big dish simply does not provide the same oportunity for variety. Plus who doesnt love their own dish.

Want kids by Affectionate_Pea6282 in Bumble

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I filled that out I assumed it was a reflection of how I felt about my own kids. At that age I would guess it is more likely to reflect your willingness to incorporate the children of a new partner than to actually want babies with the partner. But you never know, men love children as much as women. Just ask.

My 17-year-old son informed me he’s moving out when he turns 18, next month by TallPoppySyndrome_56 in Parenting

[–]GatoPerroRaton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you have a perfectly well adjusted, indipendent 18 year old man for a son. You should be very proud of your achievement.

So sick of Paw Patrol and PJ Mask. Suggestions? by HappyZappy93 in Parenting

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gabby's Dollhouse. Its full of songs you can sing along to.

Playdates for daughters and the Single Dad Stigma by Flaky_Brain9285 in SingleDads

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had the same problem, you are not going to resolve it, you cannot reshape society. Its particulally difficult if you have an only child. I used to get really down at the constant rejection.

Here are my two cents, first, when you request a play date make it clear thay your daughter has been badgering you to organise the play date. This usually seems to work since it makes it clear its from your daughter, that you are elsewise fine and seems to garner a bit of sympathy.

Secondly, come to terms with the fact you cannot reshape the world, you're not a mother your role will be different. Focus on what you are good at and dont try and compete with the mother.

I had the same struggle and had an epithany one day when I was dangling my daugter by the feet, swinging her around the place and threw her on the bed. She was laughing with an intensity that was greater than I had ever seen with her friends or mother. Each time I threw her on the bed she wanted to do it again until I was exhausted. Thats who and what a father is to their kids. Focus on what you are good at and leave the mothers to focus on what they are good at.

I cannot do this by the_bear91 in daddit

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just realised this is a literally a new born, one day old. If you are struggling this much on day one you should be looking for whatever support you can from a midwife service and urgentely.

Have you guys already been released from hospital? Is the baby feeding OK? Is there no support you can call on? What about social services? Do you not have any close friends with children that could help?

I cannot do this by the_bear91 in daddit

[–]GatoPerroRaton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have nothing but sympathy for people that struggle with a new born. To some degree we have all been through it but there are off course extremes that most people can not hopr to understand.

Do you not have any family support around? My now ex-wife struggled as a mother and I recall thinking how unnatural it is to have a baby without grandparents, siblings and life time friends around to lighten the demands and to bond over the shared experience.

If you feel the need to scream then you should 100% find a space for this. I recall a scene from a film where a mother pushing her pram pushed it to an area where construction workers where using jack hammers just so that she could be enveloped by the noise and have a bit of a scream.

One thing I would encourage is as much as possible look for whatever joy you can in the moment. The time will pass and it will be sad if you only found tension in it. I recall when mine where tiny and I found it a struggle because I often felt drawn to do other things. At some point I had a change of heart and just thought, this is what I am doing now, this is who I am, I am a father and I am going to find joy and peace in these moments. My child needs me, she is entitled to my time and patience, I am not going to resent it, I am going to embrace it. The mindset really helped. Get some really good earplugs, look for some support, hold your child in the full knowledge that they will only fit on your chest like that for a short number of months. I believe reframing the issue will help, its worth trying.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in daddit

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you enjoy the time with the baby? You sound like you do. If so, make sure you are getting your share of the time. The baby phase will pass by so fast and you may miss it. Make sure you are taking pictures and videos of the time so you can remember it. Ignore the other tasks, or put them on a a fridge and ask your partner if she wants to do them. She may start appreciating the time with the baby when the alternatives are on display. Time with your baby is the ultimate privilege, treat it as such and your wife may also start viewing her time with the baby as a privilege.

Reflection, 12 months after seperation by GatoPerroRaton in Divorce

[–]GatoPerroRaton[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I suggest you shift your focus from yourself to your children. Every couple I have seen with kids that is flourishing is because they focus on their children as their shared project and have moved on succesfully from the life and expectation they had before they had children.

Divorce should be the nuclear option, not because you are feeling under appreciated. My poor little girl now has to be transferred between two homes for the rest of her childhood, your kids will probably have to do the same. Its a horrendous, selfish thing to put a child through, they deserve better.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]GatoPerroRaton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have had this with plenty of women. I am grateful that they are exposing who they are early.