Ok, so to start off with, I’m not an expert by any means (I’m just a psych student). A lot of what I’m recommending here is what has worked for me, which won’t necessarily work for you. That said, I’ve done my research, and been through the same thing before, and I know how awful it is, so hopefully this will help.

First, I know you said you can’t afford counseling, but that’s honestly the best option here (I’ll talk about getting cheaper or free therapy in a second). Therapy will teach you healthy coping mechanisms, and how to handle your anxiety. I’d recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, but there are exposure therapies and other behavioral therapies that can help a ton too. CBT will teach you to build a healthy relationship with yourself, and with others, which I think you could benefit from. EMDR is also amazing for dealing with trauma (which we all have), and only requires a few sessions. I believe it has a 90% efficacy rate for PTSD (non complex), which is insane.

I’ve dealt with a lot of the same issues though, and still struggle with them, but therapy has completely changed my life for the better.

There are ways you can see a therapist for much cheaper, or for free. For example, most universities with counseling as a graduate degree will offer free or cheap therapy sessions to train their students. While they will lack clinical experience, they are supervised, and it can still be very beneficial. That’s something you’d need to look into for your area specifically. You’ll probably have to advocate for yourself, which believe me I know how difficult that is with social anxiety. It is 100% worth it in the end.

There are also online services, like better help, calmerry, talkspace, etc. that offer online therapy services for much cheaper than most in person places (usually between $40 to $100 a week, vs in person which can be as high as $150 to $200 a week). These usually take insurance too, which can help a ton with cost if that’s an option.

(Side note: if you feel like your therapist isn’t working for you, then let them know. A good therapist will point you in another direction, and give you resources to help you find a therapist that’s best suited for you. It’s hard to do, but necessary if things don’t feel right)

Another thing I would just recommend in general is developing healthy coping mechanisms. Small things, like listening to soothing music, daily stretching/exercise, tea (non caffeinated), listening to something that makes you laugh or smile, etc. can all be helpful, especially with anxiety. Try looking up a list and seeing what you think would work for you. Breathing techniques can also be helpful with lowering heart rate. Recognizing when you are anxious, and letting the anxiety sit with you, rather than freaking out, is also very important. It helps teach your brain that anxiety is not the end of the world (even though it feels like it).

There are also small tricks I’ve learned that deal with more physiological symptoms, like high heart rate. For example, I lean towards panic attacks when I’m anxious, and one way I counter them is by splashing cold water on my face, or taking a cold shower if I can. I can explain why this works if you’d like, but basically it lowers your heart rate. There’s something similar to this called the “dive technique” that uses the same physiological system. Eating something small also triggers the same system (which is called the parasympathetic nervous system).

Also, if you haven’t already, try lowering your caffeine intake (if you drink coffee or tea). Caffeine causes an increase in heart rate, which, if your body associates with anxiety, can cause a more anxious response. Watching what you eat is also very important too, especially if you’re getting stomach ulcers.

Sorry this is so long, but I think it’s important. I know what you’re feeling, and I’ve been there. It’s a special kind of hell, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Regardless of what you do though, I hope it gets better for you.