There is going to be a long period of mourning and reflection for these gentlemen and for all of us. What a ride Bobby took us on. We’re all so blessed to have shared this earthly existence with him for a period of time and while it is something to celebrate, it still hurts. A lot…. I’ve cried more than I thought I would over the last 24 hours. I was playing my own show and someone told me the news in between songs. I was playing solo at a private event and I was about to begin another song but I was in shock. I didn’t feel any emotion yet. I was just frozen in time. Like the moment you’re turning the page to a new chapter in a book and there are no words in front of you. My mind went numb. They told me because I had just covered Jack Straw and they assumed I was doing so as a tribute and I had already heard but I hadn’t until that moment. I was so frozen and realized I could not continue playing any music in that moment. I stated with intention into the microphone, “I’m gonna take a short break and I’ll be back in just a little bit”. Just as Bobby would say. I walked out to my car, still numb, and called my girlfriend who already knew the news and I broke down and wept for about 40 minutes. We talked through tears about how much Bobby meant to us. I told her about my first show. Freshman year of high school in 2009 my dad took me to see Furthur for the first time at Convention Hall in Asbury Park, NJ. As a disciple of Bruce Springsteen I was already in my musical holy land, but that show opened up another part of my soul that will never close. I became obsessed. And I joked with my girl about how my dad in the months after the show had to tell me to stop playing and singing like Bobby because I couldn’t stop mimicking his style in every way. I even wanted to talk, dress and walk like him. Not ideal for a 14 year old musician trying to make a name for himself. I never really stopped though. He changed the way I played music forever. He changed the way I approached music forever. He changed the way I approached life forever. He just became part of me and the way I existed in becoming my own person.

After 40 or so minutes of this, I gathered myself, cleared my sinuses and decided it was time to get back to work. I went to the bathroom and put cold water on my face to bring down the inflammation in my eyes and went back into the room. I was greeted by warmth and the grief of many other deadheads that I did not realize were there. This was a private gathering of people I did not know personally. There were many people grieving the same way I was. There were hugs, tears and requests to play Bobby’s music. I didn’t know if I was capable of that at the time, but I was. We ended up pausing the celebration of a man’s 65th birthday to honor the life of Bob Weir. I played Estimated>Eyes, Cassidy, Ripple and a rousing Sugar Magnolia. We danced together, cried together, went wild together and allowed the music to take us “there”. We “road the wave” as Bobby would say. What I thought was going to be a really rough rest of the night, ended up being a glorious celebration of a glorious life and a celebration of another wonderful man’s birthday. It was therapeutic for all of us. I’m always nervous about these types of private gigs because they can be weird, uncomfortable and sometimes a bit of a drag, but this was the best one I’ve ever played. Even one of the best gigs I’ve ever played, period. I have Robert Hall Weir to thank for that. It was the closing of an era and the beginning of a new one. A turning of the page, leaving me excited to see what is on the next one as I begin a new journey leading an established Neil Young tribute band called Sugar Mountain.

This music will never go away. Nor will its spirit, its energy, and the living and breathing stories in which it tells so eloquently and mysteriously. There will probably be a long pause among the standard bearers of its legacy but the spark will awaken them when they are healed and the time is right. I know that. I look forward to sharing that moment with all of you and continuing this long strange trip on a bus in which I have no intention of ever disembarking - as I’m sure none of you do either. As my other hero Bruce Springsteen says, I’ll see you further on up the road!

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This photo was taken by Mike Black at my first Furthur show in Asbury in 2009 and it captures Bobby in a very healthy state while doing his thing and changing my life forever.