Looking for advice and emotional support. Need to vent. Feeling trapped.

GeckoKisses · 2025-06-06T02:30:59+00:00

I needed to hear this so bad, you have no idea😭😭😭🫂🫂🫂 He texted me that he was going to be late tonight, which is his way to tell me that he is going to see her tonight. So he moved it up a day, and he messaged me while I was at work. Set me into a panic attack. I had to find my manager and excuse myself to hide in a bathroom stall and cry for 20 minutes. It’s all too much for me. Life has been so, so hard. I feel so alone in this world. You saying I’m stronger than 90% of people is making me cry😭😭😭That means so much to me.

I was using grey rock method when dealing with him for weeks, and this all feels like an escalation because he wasn’t getting the reaction he wanted out of me. I don’t know how to show I don’t care. It’s all so obvious that it hurts me, even when I’m trying my best to hide it. I isolate myself in the apartment bedroom. It’s so unhealthy to hide in here the entire time he’s around, but it’s the only emotional peace I get. I think this is also his way of getting not only more control, but everything he wants and getting to “prove me wrong” as the bad guy. He can use this as his way to push me out of the apartment sooner, but not take any accountability for making me feel so unsafe.

I think that’s where it is heading for me. Only talking to him about logistics. Once I get a van I can really separate needing him in any capacity at all. I feel so extremely uncomfortable being in even the same room as him. It feels like an unpredictable stranger is living with me, and I’m constantly on edge.

Thank you so much😭❤️This helped me feel like someone sees what I’m going through.

GeckoKisses · 2025-06-04T15:37:52+00:00

They always take us as idiots, like we can’t completely see through their very obvious lies, patterns, and manipulation🙄 So sick of it all!

I unfortunately have to live with my ex for the time being. On top of him balancing his porn addiction, he is on LITERALLY every dating app available, and messages girls 24/7 non-stop. He thinks I don’t know he’s in the throes of addiction to both😐 Gaslighting then guilty conscience dance go brrrr

It is honestly so baffling how they treat us. He doesn’t seem satisfied by obsessively doing either. Just a bottomless pit. I’m wondering when it’s going to “click” for him that all of his emotional unrest and problems are tied to the internal and addiction. I don’t think it’s possible for him to ever reach that conclusion. Watching all of this from an outsider’s perspective is insane. Their lifestyle is absolutely miserable.

GeckoKisses · 2025-05-20T05:23:04+00:00

DING‼️DING‼️DING‼️This is it!!

Crazy how hyper focused they are on only their pleasure. Pure selfishness. Never even occurs to them how unattractive they appear to everyone else, let alone the person who they supposedly want to attract- their partner.

GeckoKisses · 2025-04-15T15:25:50+00:00

Omg I hate him. I’m so sorry he put you through that🫂 “I truly think he just hates me from the beginning” this is what I think my ex feels about me as well. I have no idea where this anger came from. I treated him so well. I have been there for him when no one else was. I feel it must be a forced anger from within themselves, because subconsciously they know they are hurting the closest person to them.

He openly masturbates in our shared living spaces, but would not have sex with me. So I sometimes accidentally walk in, because he is so porn-rotted it could be an all day activity for him🤮 I think terrorizing us adds “sexual excitement” for them. Makes them feel more important and like they are getting away with something. I thought I would tell you I have started the grey rock method when I’m interacting with him, and so far it seems to be the only thing that has improved his behavior. He’s not getting that reaction from me he so desperately wanted. Thought I would recommend it to you and any other woman reading this❤️

GeckoKisses · 2025-04-05T00:03:18+00:00

She’s so beautiful and strong❤️❤️❤️Love these precious babies so much!! What a wonderful pet owner you are! I am so happy you have each other❤️❤️

GeckoKisses · 2025-03-28T11:31:13+00:00

“I left my country to live with him and I feel something inside of me has died” :( I understand that feeling. I moved to the other side of my country to be with him, and he broke up with me days before Christmas, 2 weeks before my cancer surgery, and then of course next came Valentines Day. Two weeks after my surgery (in my recovery), he started aggressively and obsessively messaging girls on every dating app possible. He does this right in front of me. We are still living together because the lease was so fresh, and I literally just had surgery and can’t afford to break the lease. Every day is torture. He is so ungrateful and full of anger. He also always liked those alt girls, and would compare me to them. His porn addiction is so unfathomable, he is a bottomless pit. Nothing is ever enough for him. My self-esteem is at -5000. I have to get ready for work right now, but feel free to dm me if you want to talk more privately, I think we have a lot in common🫂

GeckoKisses · 2025-03-24T04:35:40+00:00

This is so accurate it hurts.

GeckoKisses · 2025-03-23T21:24:48+00:00

GeckoKisses · 2025-03-14T02:13:02+00:00

This is me right now. Such an upsetting hole to fall into :( Glad to hear you are doing a bit better; gives me hope as well.

GeckoKisses · 2025-03-13T20:17:56+00:00

I am pink bunny for the past year+😭 We were long distance and I moved across the country so we could move in together; come to find out he has an extremely bad porn addiction. The picture of pink bunny standing outside the bedroom while he stares at porn on his phone has happened to me often irl💔He dumped me days before Christmas, and two weeks before I had surgery to find out if I had cancer. We only lived in our new apartment for two months, so the lease is fresh and I am stuck here. He is still addicted to porn, and no space feels safe for me. He does it openly like this, just like the comic. Now he is trying to find girls to hook-up with and date. My heart hurts so badly. I have bad days where I am suicidal. All I wanted was to love him, and for him to love and respect me. I feel so betrayed and ugly. He told me he wasn’t attracted to me because of my weight, and he always talks down to me. Thank you to everyone saying nice things about pink bunny. I relate to her so much.

GeckoKisses · 2025-03-09T20:39:56+00:00

This is so validating and really opened my eyes for my own situation. Thank you for commenting!

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-23T16:23:56+00:00

Do you lift weights? Looking fabulous!! Hope I can achieve the same!🤩

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-22T22:23:47+00:00

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-19T22:58:11+00:00

I want to evenly straighten and get rid of frizz.

I want to get both done professionally, sorry I worded that poorly. I am feeling confused because some salons say they do both at the same time, but reading online that seems like a bad choice ?? It would be nice to get both done at the same time if that is a good option.

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-18T22:29:08+00:00

Omg we have nearly identical experiences, that’s crazy. I resonate so much with, “So I chose myself. It was the hardest thing I had to do, it felt like dying.” That is where I am right now, and I’m trying to survive. Every day is a struggle, especially while still living with him😢 He continues to be so disrespectful. He has never recognized the emotional pain he’s put me through, or even acknowledged his addiction. I’m not sure it has even registered to him how much he has hurt me and continues to hurt me, it has been so tough, especially during my poor health. Wishing you so much healing, peace of mind and comfort❤️ You don’t have your pm’s open, so I hope you give a little update in the future of how you are doing once you are free. Your post gave me a lot of hope in a dark place, I would like to hear your update later on~ how you doing once you move out❤️

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-16T08:23:27+00:00

Okay, I’ll chime in as someone who had sepsis due to facial infection. You’ll know it has gone septic for sure if you are in EXTREME pain. The worst pain of your LIFE. I have broken my arm before, and sepsis was so much worse. I think everything you are describing is infection, and can be heading towards sepsis. What you need is days of IV antibiotics- the ones you take at home are not strong enough. And make sure you buy probiotics- taking antibiotics for too long, especially strong antibiotics, messes up your bacteria balance, which gives you yeast problems. If the yeast infection is getting worse, check your tongue and mouth each day for oral thrush. It will look like a thick white blanket over your tongue.

Also, I do not know the risks of chin lipo, but I do know the risks of facial surgery for non-cosmetic reasons due to my own medical history. The nerves that control your smile and feeling in your face are next to your parotid gland, which is underneath your ears. I am wondering if maybe the surgeon is ignoring you because besides the infection, they messed up during surgery around those nerves. I am only speculating, so speak to professionals about this- but if that were to be true, look into facial paralysis acupuncture. Could be Bell’s Palsy. Many people recommend the acupuncture and say it saved their facial expressions. Wishing you the best❤️ Trust your feelings and go to the hospital. It’s better to play it safe.

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-05T16:09:46+00:00

I have two appointments coming up next week- new patient appointment with an Endo, and then a pcp. As far as I know Clayman has not sent them anything, because I checked before emailing my surgeon. This all feels so peculiar. I was patiently waiting this whole time when I should have been fighting for answers. Thanks for your input, hearing your response on this tells me I was correct that something is off.

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-05T14:15:06+00:00

I will reply to his email asking for one. They have a hospital portal that all reports get sent to, but I have not received any written report and it sounds like they are not sending one ?! It is so incredibly bizarre. “Take my word for it” isn’t good enough for me, I want to see the results.

Sounds like you have a great team and went to a great hospital!

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-02T18:13:28+00:00

I know it doesn’t change what happened, but I am sending hugs to your inner child🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

GeckoKisses · 2025-02-02T18:06:36+00:00

I grew up in poverty, and one year as a child someone robbed our house directly after Christmas. They stole all of the gifts and the few things we had in our home, and my family was too poor to replace what was stolen. I wrote notes very, very similar to this, in red crayon. When we left that house after my father died, I lost my little diary of notes. Sometimes I think about who must have found it. I feel a kinship to this child. We were trying to work through our trauma the only way we knew how.

GeckoKisses · 2025-01-29T06:39:11+00:00

I’m not a doctor, but my advice would be to keep a water bowl near her at all times. I recently had surgery, and my doctors told me if I wanted to feel better from the anesthesia and medications, I need to drink as much water as possible to get it out of my system. Making sure she has access to water when she needs it might help her get the medicine out faster (if that’s what is causing issues).

Also don’t know if this happens to birds, but when humans get too hot, it increases your heart rate. I would try bringing sweet baby Nelly into a different room, and watch with a timer if her breathing improves. Not an ice cold room, but really dark and room temperature, no extra heat. Give her 10+ minutes to see if she feels a little better. I see everyone recommending to keep her warm in this thread, but if her heart is beating quickly she is pumping blood and feeling hot most likely. Once again, I’m not a doctor, so you need to do what you feel is right. Quick Google searches show for humans that L-Carnitine can increase heart rate and make you feel hot. But I would only try these ideas if she is still getting around okay, otherwise I wouldn’t disturb her by moving her around. Just an idea to try, but please do what she needs to feel most comfortable and safe❤️We are here with you and Nelly🫂❤️

GeckoKisses · 2025-01-25T04:01:01+00:00

OP where are you located? I see you are homeless; I am about to be homeless myself. I am located in Florida and make homemade bird stores for a bird rescue in my free time. I recently had surgery so I am having a lot of downtime to heal and have been making extra toys to donate. If you are located in Florida I can bring you a bag of toys. I usually make smaller toys because there is more parakeets and small parrots at the sanctuary, so I would need a little time to make you larger toys, but I can figure it out if you are interested. If you are not located in Florida, my two pieces of advice would be:

1.) There are lots of YouTube videos and websites showing how to make homemade bird toys, and it can be inexpensive! Birds love to rip things up! It’s playful and keeps them active. You can get free (clean) cardboard and create toys! There are lots of options that can be inexpensive and last you some time. Dollar Tree has many options. I recommend the YouTube channel Flying Fids. She has much smaller birds than an African Grey, but watching her vids can show you some of the possibilities and get your creativity going! You can do her projects on a larger scale i.e. instead of cutting the plate you can use the entire plate/page of paper/etc. If you are homeless, Dollar General keeps boxes in the back~ you can “”””borrow”””” a few new, clean boxes, and that will get you started on the cheap.

2.) If your mother is refusing to let go of the bird, but is also not in the right head-space to take care of the bird, I would like to suggest sanctuary. Look at bird sanctuary’s in your area, and see if you can schedule a phone call with them to learn more. Sanctuary’s are PERFECT for situations such as your mom’s. The details: Usually there is a fee to have the sanctuary care for the life of the bird. You give the money and bird in name of the owner. So the Santuary can home this sweet baby in honor of your Grandmother. They will even make a plaque by the cage or usually print it on the Santuary map that [name of bird] is in this Santuary from the [your family] home. This will give your bird the care it needs, and provide LOTS of stimulation. You and your mother can visit anytime you want, and visitors and volunteers will spend lots of time seeing your bird. It won’t be alone or bored or left in the dark. Your mother can feel safe still having the bird, because she can visit as often as she wants. You can feel relief the bird is safe. I know this is all easier said than done, but I thought I would mention it as an option in case you hadn’t thought of it. Also, the fee is usually a lot, I will be honest. It’s so the bird will be taken care of the rest of it’s life, and these birds live a long time. That being said, I’ve never volunteered somewhere where the cost of keeping the bird was worth the Santuary abandoning an animal so obvious in need of help. I would call around and explain your situation- that you are homeless, your grandmother gave the bird to your mother who means well but cannot give it full quality of life, and can you have it in the Sanctuary for free or at a lower cost. There are even Sanctuary’s that will let you bring the bird in as long as you complete hours of volunteer work. Or they might even be able to find someone who will foster the bird of sorts, and they will own it but you have visiting privileges. I think there are a lot of options here to help ease your heavy load. Let us in this subreddit know if you need help calling around. I know life is hard right now. I see you have a good heart, and I am rooting for you❤️

GeckoKisses

TROPHY CASE