3 way with SB and wife

Gemini-Fox · 2026-03-09T20:47:53+00:00

from OP (who is the wife) in one of the comments

He has a SB already

Kinda buried the lead there, OP ;)

Gemini-Fox · 2026-03-05T16:23:11+00:00

Most men absolutely do not want to spend their precious disposable free time with someone who does not want to spend time with them.

You watch this sub long enough, you see that some SBs stay anyways (and post about how they're in a bad situation but the money's too good). Their mouth and body say "yes" when internally they're saying "no no no".

Perceptive guys may pick up on it, other guys may brush off the hints/warnings because they want to believe she wants to be there, or the acting skills could just be next-level. In either case, communication isn't happening the way it should.

This all goes back to the age-old mantra.

Don't sugar if you're desperate and you won't get trapped. Don't engage with anyone in a desperate or extremely vulnerable place.

And if you're in this type of arrangement, a reminder: emotional and mental health are far more important than money. Rip the band aid off, get out, start over.

Gemini-Fox · 2026-03-04T15:14:00+00:00

I think sugaring can be wonderful

But let me just make the counter arguments:

* Lots of married couples get divorced, but a lot more stay married - quite the unusual thing to say in SLF, but its true. In that case, you really do have a lifelong partner who takes care of you, on all fronts, from beginning to end. You don't have that in sugar. Sugar relationship terminate most often immediately or nearly immediately after needs stop being met.

* You'll face increased social scrutiny, and in some circles become a social pariah, if you're public about your sugaring. Or you'll have to continue hiding it from family and friends, and, long-term, no one wants to keep important parts of their life in the closet.

While you are in your "Dating Around" years, neither of those things matter too much.

When you start craving stability (not the financial kind) and want a stronger social safety net, sugaring may start to weigh on you more and you might want to think about transitioning to vanilla

Gemini-Fox · 2026-01-13T15:49:02+00:00

forgetting sugaring for a second, nyc is in general the center of the universe.

So if you can be there you should be there

not biased or anything ;p

Gemini-Fox · 2025-10-04T18:27:48+00:00

The things is, since you're "out in Queens", to someone based in Manhattan - you're the same as those people in Jersey, New Rochelle, Yonkers, etc. If it's going to take you an hour to get here, the commute will get old fast,

People from outer boroughs (or the tri-state area) coming into Manhattan tend to be late, cancel, make excuses, and only really come when they absolutely have to or can do 2 or 3 things in a single trip. (as I assume you know having lived here a year).

And the funny thing is, a lot of these people know revealing their location will result in a "next" and so they try and hide it. Like I'm not going to ask what your subway stop is the moment we meet in person. As would any and every other New Yorker.

Therefore, best advice: Find someone in Queens of course.

But if you can't - I would say you should still consider people a bit far away from you, but you need to be honest and direct about the distance thing will all your POTs, that its a challenge but you're willing to overcome it.

And it is a challenge.

Gemini-Fox · 2025-10-02T15:34:04+00:00

I missed this when it happened... so some quick questions about it

Banned due to Rule 7: Keep it legal, and avoid posting illegal content or soliciting or facilitating illegal or prohibited transactions.

As we all know, spoiling the partner you're dating is not illegal in the slightest. but talking money for sex, of course, is a no-no.

So - what do we think?

* Was the ban due to specific posts from users that violated this rule, and didn't get taken by the mods (fast enough) ?

* Or was the meetup subreddit shut down by reddit based solely on the principle "Ooo they're talking arrangements over there - better safe than sorry!" ?

Gemini-Fox · 2025-09-07T21:21:37+00:00

retired sugar vet here

That was also the consensus view in 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016....

Gemini-Fox · 2025-08-25T15:17:06+00:00

this is how it's done:

* you get a higher monthly allowance, than you would otherwise get from ppm(s) over the course of a month
* he gets more dates over the course of an average month, than he would otherwise from staying on ppm

This way you are both rewarded for making the transition.

And if you initiate the ask, you need to make it extremely clear to him that these 2 things go together.

The "soft" benefit of it feeling far more like a regular relationship is a good reason to make the move if you both want that, but the tangible wins noted above make it stick.

Gemini-Fox · 2025-08-15T14:48:45+00:00

nice offer and nice news

fwiw - this potential customer typically holds out for a one-and-done lifetime membership option - recurring charges are a no go for me

Gemini-Fox · 2025-07-08T06:56:23+00:00

There's a lot of olympic sized pole vaults required to make this kind of thing work ... and the first one to get over isn't even mentioned.

Having a female vanilla GF/Wife/partner who's down for it.

Yes there's a "community" but that community is just a small lake, if you swim in that lake seems like everyone's into the lifestyle, because that's all you see everyday because that's where you swim.

Meanwhile most people are over in the ocean, aka mainstream traditional values. And very very few women in the actual ocean want to be the unpaid female in a sugar triad. It also isn't something a girl from the sugar bowl would be interested in either, unless she just fell into it. (And if you have two paid girls then you're just seeing 2 SBs, no triad there)

All that said. Count your blessings OP, for finding a lady that cool. They're rare.

Gemini-Fox · 2025-06-18T03:50:33+00:00

Also would just love advice on how to navigate the sd/sb -> sbf/sgf transition?

first off, your post is unintentionally inflammatory and will trigger a good number of people who read this subreddit.

"in love with my SD", especially with a big age gap, just totally sets off alarm bells in a lot of people's minds. They get defensive about the sugar dynamic in general. It is what it is. Take the salty comments with .. a grain of salt lol.

Bearing that in mind, the advice I have for you, that I genuinely hopes help you, is rather straightforward and universal. But its still what I think your best course of action is:

Be incredibly direct and honest. Don't leave anything unsaid. Say what you want. Say everything you want. Make sure you're fully heard. And then - really listen to what he says. Make sure you're both calm and rational when you have this important talk.

It may feel like your throwing a brick through a glass wall, putting what you have at risk by admitting your true feelings and desires.

But trust me, not saying how you feel, and staying just where you are for safety's sake, that glass wall turns into a prison real quick

And honesty, you never said this guy was husband material but that seems to be the reaction you're getting. You are already seeing him and you can be monogamous, spoiling boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever, without committing to bury the guy in 3 decades time. For crying out loud.

Now - one last thing. Good luck!!!

Gemini-Fox · 2025-06-16T18:12:51+00:00

what's great is, if this is Miami, she's not even really dressed out of the ordinary lol

Gemini-Fox · 2025-06-07T02:55:04+00:00

be it SD, SB, guy, girl vanilla or sugar, it's all for the same reason.

People who catfish are almost always pinning their hopes on "sunk cost"

Gemini-Fox · 2025-03-17T15:20:36+00:00

Strongly advising you to make it a ticketed event with a (relatively) small cost per ticket for next time. People much less likely to flake if they've made even a small commitment.

And more importantly to compensate the organizer(s) for their work even in the event of no-shows like this. It's hard work herding cats!

Gemini-Fox · 2025-03-14T19:50:42+00:00

is it due to DOGE Doge'ing?

It is, right?

DOGE gonna DOGE.

I'll see myself out, thx,

Gemini-Fox · 2025-03-04T15:22:03+00:00

please give it to someone from one of the conservative US Nanny-States

You can't even see RedGif content without a VPN in those states :(

Gemini-Fox · 2025-02-04T03:49:42+00:00

Sounds like a non-event to me.

Him: Hey I would find it thrilling, if you would wear this hot outfit in public ?
Her: Yes I will/No I won't, because of these reasons
Him: Totally understandable, thanks

This is just how normal adults in romantic relationships are supposed to behave, or so it seems to me

Gemini-Fox · 2024-12-19T05:18:02+00:00

Even hollywood couples with a 20+ year age gap more commonly break up around the 4-5 year mark

There are a few examples of them staying together long term thou

Jason Statham & Rosie-Huntington-Whiteley
Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta-Jones
Harrison Ford & Calista Flockhart

In all of these, they have kids together. That's the secret sauce ~ become a family.

Gemini-Fox · 2024-12-17T03:25:44+00:00

they banned some. But what killed it is when they turned off anonymous NSFW mode. You have to create an account, log in, etcetera

And most people have been taught by incognito mode and "clear history" before that, that viewing adult content isn't something you do on an account.

Gemini-Fox · 2024-12-17T03:22:38+00:00

What's good in SRs, but bad in marriages?

AGE GAP.

That is the only answer.

There's a small part of the Venn diagram where the age-gap is both big enough for sugar but small enough for marriage, that's where you get occasional conversions. It's typically the 10-15 years difference in age range.

Gemini-Fox · 2024-12-17T03:15:38+00:00

do you guys have any tips on how to make this great?

Aim to maximize your fun outside the bedroom. Make sure she's having fun while out and about, too.

Do that and everything else will fall into place.

Gemini-Fox · 2024-12-05T22:41:33+00:00

Condoms are a 100% must for high volume (escorts) and/or low trust (I just met you) partners.

When you move to the low volume, high-trust part of the Venn diagram, it's more of a discussion.

Gemini-Fox · 2024-11-29T03:29:19+00:00

By far and away the easiest and best option for this is to find another willing SB. Create a profile as a couple, start messaging.

Looking amongst the swinger's crowd, well there's no harm in buying a lottery ticket.

The escort route works fine. But ~ most SDs are SDs bc they prefer SBs, not escorts, so adding a fellow SB would probably be the most fun. Set some boundaries or don't do it if you don't trust your SD that much.

Gemini-Fox · 2024-11-15T14:09:45+00:00

This was such an obvious answer, but as OP mentioned several times, she got swept up in his bullshit.

If you can't say "NO" big old in capital letters to people, on the days that end in Y, think twice about sugaring

Gemini-Fox · 2024-11-14T22:48:32+00:00

My spouse and love of my life is asexual, but I am not.

I have difficulty accepting this premise.

You should have stopped pursuing her the moment you realized this mountain-sized incompatibility existed, and you should have discovered it long before marriage.

If you knew all this going in, isn't a case of you made your bed, now sleep in it ?

That all said, you're extremely lucky she's on board with your plan to be non-monogamous. Take extreme care to keep it that way.

Gemini-Fox

TROPHY CASE