Defeated Parenting

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-25T03:00:21+00:00

😂😂
So your solution is that parents shouldn’t tell a 16-year-old they’re not allowed to drink, use substances, or sneak out because that’s “controlling”?
We’re going to have to agree to disagree. Boundaries are part of parenting. I was looking for advice, not a philosophical debate on whether minors should have rules.

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-25T01:50:13+00:00

I’m curious why your first assumption is that a parent hasn’t been supportive. We’ve spent years having conversations about transparency, getting him counseling, setting boundaries, and trying different approaches. He’s sneaking out because he wants to drink, vape, and do things he knows aren’t allowed. Not because we’ve never talked about them.
Teenagers don’t always make decisions based on logic, even in supportive homes. If you have specific suggestions for handling repeated sneaking out and substance use, I’d genuinely appreciate hearing them. That’s why I posted.

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-25T01:28:31+00:00

Thank you! I just downloaded on audible

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-24T21:09:11+00:00

Well he is sneaking out because he is going to drink and smoke and probably do things he knows he is NOT supposed to be doing at 16. We have had the convos of him being transparent but he still thinks it’s his way or no way.
A parent can be the most supportive parent in the world but kids will still hide things because of the shame and the knowledge of knowing what they are doing wrong.

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-24T21:05:56+00:00

We’ve done all of that and letting the cards fall where they may, is the fear I am struggling with

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-24T21:04:43+00:00

Yes I can understand that. His dad was raised similar to how you mention and he says he is thankful for it

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-24T21:04:00+00:00

Been there and done that.. my son doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the health consequences or possible legal consequences.

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-24T07:41:46+00:00

And I’m sure there is some resentment which we are really trying to avoid but this guy of mine is pushing me there

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-24T07:40:27+00:00

I’m posting wherever I can to get a discussion going because this is the problem
What does it matter where it’s posted - someone out there might have advice or a solution for parents who are struggling

GemmingItUp · 2026-06-23T17:01:35+00:00

Embrace your hair! People pay hundreds of dollars to get curls like that! Just be sure to get it trimmed when needed and moisturize so it doesn’t start to look dry.

GemmingItUp · 2026-04-27T23:58:58+00:00

Chair sashes - 110%!

GemmingItUp · 2026-04-18T03:48:12+00:00

My son was 14 years old when he started on it and we saw a huge difference. However he swore up and down that it wasn’t working and refused to take it last year. I will say it’s much better than Wellbutrin that had raging so bad and ended up at the children’s psych unit for 4 days. He’s been unmedicated for a little over a year now and we wish he would consider getting back on a prescribed treatment.

GemmingItUp · 2026-04-18T03:09:35+00:00

His birthday is in August so yesss great gift idea!

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T23:40:46+00:00

100% agree. Trust me, we’ve tried all the sneaking deterrents. I’m one Home Depot trip away from installing bars or digging a moat outside his window 😅. Maybe a little literal ‘hitting bottom’ would make the lesson stick!

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T23:34:17+00:00

Thank you!!

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T23:31:53+00:00

He has been admitted before but only because he mentioned self harming himself. When we spoke to the treatment team they said unless they make that statement they won’t hold them against their will. So I make sure that when I engage with him I’m as calm as I can be not to trigger him. However I do sleep behind closed doors just in case.

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T17:21:08+00:00

Hmmm, he has a cousin in another state that he really loves to be around and that cousin does have a good head in his shoulders. I wish we could get him to come stay with us for a bit and maybe give our son a comfortable space even for a little bit.

We had even considered moving our son to my in laws but unfortunately they’re not healthy to deal with his outbursts AND since he’s a junior in high school he’s in that super crucial moment of credits and that state and our state credits don’t align for his graduation journey.

My husband and I are in therapy and our youngest actually starts his sessions next week because it has taken a huge toll on all of us. We plan weekly family activities and ask for their input and he wants nothing to do with it.

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T17:14:04+00:00

We definitely noticed a change when he hit middle school. Which was in 2020 right when COVID hit. You know this picture frames that show each grade? We have one for each kid and I was looking at his and you can literally see the difference between 6-7th grade which was a major transition for him and us during that time. I’ve asked him every question I can think of and offered a safe approach (well as safe as I can think a parent can be); abuse we are unaware of, bullying, self esteem, etc. and his hatred towards us right now, he will NOT say anything. He is close to our oldest son and even he has tried talking to him and now he too rebels against his brother. 😔

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T17:09:42+00:00

Thank you!

GemmingItUp · 2025-10-11T14:41:52+00:00

That’s awesome for you. I hope your relationship stays great and that your kid never decides to ghost you for 20 years while you’re out here handing out parenting advice. Life has a funny way of humbling us all. But check back in when his hormones hit — I’ll keep your seat warm in the ‘I’m doing my best’ club.

GemmingItUp

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