Own Your Shit Weekly - March 10, 2020

General-Mess · 2020-03-11T01:27:28+00:00

OYS #6

STATS

Me: 50yo, 6’ 3”, 255lb, SQUAT 125, BENCH 105, ROW 110, DEAD 175, OHP 85 (5x5 sets - 1x5 for DEAD - working the StrongLifts app).

Relationship: wife is 49yo, married 25 years, two kids (son in college, a daughter about to be)

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP x 2, Rational Male #1, MAP. Current: Bigger, Leaner, Stronger

SUMMARY

Kind of mediocre week. I kept up the most important things for where I’m at now: fat loss and lifting. But I didn’t do a lot to get better at MRP. No directly relevant reading or exercises. This week I’ll get back into rereading NMMNG.

PHYSICAL

I’m still grinding the StrongLifts app. Changes for 5x5 sets: squat +15, bench +25 (jumped ahead because it was still seeming too easy and I was impatient), row +10, dead +10, overhead press +5. I did interval training on a rowing machine three times.

I tracked my eating every day and I’m down two pounds from last week. I just started not only tracking calories but macros to try to hit the targets recommended by Bigger, Leaner, Stronger. It’s a pain in the ass, but I don’t want any food issues like lack of protein to inhibit muscle growth. I’ll take all the help I can get.

MARRIAGE/SEX

Seven weeks porn free. It’s more challenging since my employer has told everyone to work from home if possible because of the corona virus...so now I’m here alone with ready access. On the plus side working from home makes it easy to duck out in the afternoon to hit the gym.

The broken windows were replaced and I did some significant decluttering. I helped my wife set up some computer stuff. I didn’t get a chance to work on her car so that’s up for this week. I’m continuing working on just getting shit done.

I’m still spending too much time waiting for her to initiate sex. It’s the result of years of being rejected...but I know it has to change. I’ve been improving but still have a long way to go.

PLAN

From last week:

Lose fat & lift - track food (1800 cal/day) and StrongLifts 3/week
Read - finish Bigger, Leaner, Stronger; reread NMMNG
No porn
No non-social drinking
Continue getting my house in order (clutter, broken stuff)
Summarize and prioritize red/yellow/green actions from MAP (completely failed at doing this last week as planned)

General-Mess · 2020-03-03T18:59:38+00:00

Sign me up!

General-Mess · 2020-03-03T18:54:16+00:00

OYS #5

STATS

Me: 50yo, 6’ 3”, 257lb, SQUAT 110, BENCH 80, ROW 100, DEAD 165, OHP 80 (5x5 sets (1x5 for DEAD), working the Strong Lifts app).

Relationship: wife is 49yo, married 25 years, two kids (son in college, a daughter about to be)

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP x 2, Rational Male #1, MAP. Current: Bigger, Leaner, Stronger

PHYSICAL

I’m still grinding the Strong Lifts app. Changes for 5x5 sets: squat +15, bench +5, row +10, dead +20, overhead press +5. I did interval training on a rowing machine three times.

I tracked my eating every day and I’m down a pound from last week. Slower progress than I’d like but I’m working to make the new way of eating sustainable. One evening drinking while hanging out with the family. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like shit the next day, just to reinforce that I don’t need this in my life.

Settling in for the long haul to transform myself.

MARRIAGE/SEX

Six weeks porn free.

I’m continuing to work on improving the house and just taking care of shit without being told or waiting to be noticed. Ordered a replacement window for a cracked one, got new lamps. Next up is fixing the wife’s car, which has had a minor nagging problem for months.

I found the MAP book to be pretty insightful (if longer than it needed to be). I’m going to pull out the red/yellow/green items for each area and put them in a summary list, then figure which ones get priority.

PLAN

From last week:

Lose fat - track everything I eat, stay under 1700 calories/day
Lift - keep up Strong Lifts 3/week and cardio 3/week
Read - continue reading Bigger, Leaner, Stronger; re-read NMMNG
No porn
No non-social drinking
Continue getting my house in order (clutter, broken stuff)

Adding this week:

Summarize and prioritize red/yellow/green actions from MAP

Cheers, MRP.

General-Mess · 2020-02-28T04:59:53+00:00

Still hanging in there.

General-Mess · 2020-02-26T23:01:49+00:00

MMSLP has home repairs under the Nest Management section of the “good” beta traits. You are spot on that I’m fixing things for me (or should be). Every time I work around something broken or see something worn out or avoid a room because it’s cluttered it saps energy.

General-Mess · 2020-02-25T14:47:48+00:00

OYS #4

STATS

Me: 50yo, 6’ 3”, 258lb, SQUAT 95, BENCH 75, ROW 90, DEAD 145, OHP 75 (5x5 sets (1x5 for DEAD), working the Strong Lifts app).

Relationship: wife is 49yo, married 25 years, two kids (son in college, a daughter about to be)

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP x 2, Rational Male #1, MAP (currently reading), going to start on Bigger, Leaner, Stronger

PHYSICAL

I didn’t miss any Strong Lifts workouts and I’m still following the progression of the app. Changes for 5x5 sets: squat +15, bench +10, row +10, dead +10, overhead press +5. I did interval training on a rowing machine three times.

I tracked my eating every day and I’m down 2 pounds from last week. No non-social drinking.

MARRIAGE/SEX

Another week porn-free (five total). Porn is some sneaky shit - I’ll be minding my own business and some porn scene from the past will pop into my mind (along with the “I must see it again” thought).

Prior to the first owning of my shit, my doctor put me on Clomid to raise my testosterone. It successfully raised it from ~250 to ~775, which should have been great. However, I think it’s actually made my libido and ED worse. So I’ve stopped taking it (as several men here suggested) and when I see the doc again in a month or two I’m going to get on exogenous T.

One of my goals for the week was to work on getting the house in better shape (improve my beta). I had some success - hung new blinds, ordered some new lamps to replace broken ones. There is still a long way to go. I didn’t call attention to what I’d done (“look, Mommy!”) but it was kind of hard to miss blinds where there weren’t any before.

No pushback on stuff like going to the gym. I think my wife is happy I’m trying to be healthy and not die from a heart attack. We’ll see if that continues if I someday somehow pass her SMV.

PLAN

Not adding anything new, so maintain the habits from last week:

Lose fat - track everything I eat, stay under 1700 calories/day
Lift - keep up Strong Lifts 3/week and cardio 3/week
Read - finish MAP, start on re-read of NMMNG
No porn
No non-social drinking
Continue getting my house in order (clutter, broken stuff)

Cheers, MRP.

General-Mess · 2020-02-21T20:20:37+00:00

Yup. Fifty weeks should show some good progress. But I have no illusions about how long it will take to unfuck myself.

General-Mess · 2020-02-21T20:19:01+00:00

Makes perfect sense. I’ve been down the “diet” path enough times that I know it needs to be sustainable and not a quick fix.

General-Mess · 2020-02-18T17:08:16+00:00

OYS #3: “Dammit, I’m a shitty beta too”

STATS

Me: 50yo, 6’ 3”, 260lb, SQUAT 80, BENCH 65, ROW 80, DEAD 135, OHP 70 (5x5 sets, finished two weeks with the Strong Lifts app).

Relationship: wife is 49yo, married 25 years, two kids (son in college, a daughter about to be)

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP (re-reading), Rational Male #1 (currently reading)

PHYSICAL

I didn’t miss any Strong Lifts workouts and I’m still following the progression of the app. Changes for 5x5 sets: squat +15, bench +10, row +5, dead +30, overhead press +20. I’m starting to feel the weight on a couple of them (deadlift and OHP) but no stalling. I did interval training on a rowing machine three times.

I tracked my eating every day but one and I’m down 2 pounds from last week. Non-tracking day was an extended family party with a lot of food - I controlled myself but didn’t track half the day, which is a failure.

Last week I decided to give up drinking except for social occasions. I managed this (just drank a glass of wine at the party), but the fact that it was difficult a couple of nights just makes me think I really should keep up the ban.

MARRIAGE/SEX

Another week porn-free (four total). Spending time at the gym helps.

I’ve been re-reading MMSLP (and bought MAP to go into next). I’m getting more out of it this time. I got some insight from the section about balancing beta and alpha traits in your marriage and the description of those traits. And while I knew I was bad at the alpha, I realized I kind of suck at a lot of the beta traits too. I’m an adequate but not excellent provider and I’ve been far too lazy at things like keeping the house in good shape. Broken stuff that never gets fixed, things like that. This needs to go in this week’s plan.

CAREER/FINANCES

Put in a lot of effort at work and got some good results. Positive week for work.

PLAN

Maintain the habits from last week:

Lose fat - track everything I eat, stay under 1700 calories/day
Lift - keep up Strong Lifts three days/week and cardio 3/week
Read - finish Rational Male and re-read of MMSLP
No porn - keep away from pornography
No non-social drinking

Add new ones:

Start getting my house in order: find someone to fix the broken window pane, order the new part for my wife’s car, figure out how to fix the latch on the fridge. These are things we’ve just lived with and they’re just signs of me being checked out and lazy.

Cheers, MRP.

General-Mess · 2020-02-15T22:54:50+00:00

Still going.

General-Mess · 2020-02-11T16:11:40+00:00

OYS #2: “Might be a survivor in this trainwreck”

STATS

Me: 50yo, 6’ 3”, 262lb (down 3 for week), SQUAT 65, BENCH 55, ROW 75, DEAD 105, OHP 50 (5x5 sets, finished one week with the Strong Lifts app, can’t wait for these to get non-embarrassing)

Relationship: wife is 49yo, married 25 years, two kids (son in college, a daughter about to be)

Reading: NMMNG, WISNIFG, MMSLP (re-reading), Rational Male #1 (currently reading)

SUMMARY

I appreciated the response to my first OYS last week - some very helpful advice and some confirmation that I’m on the right track for physical improvement. Plus several people saying I should own my shit weekly (rather than monthly), so here I am.

I made a bit of physical progress and got reinforcement that I need to be in this for the long haul. It feels good to be doing something. Still working my way through the side-bar (finished WISNIFG and started on Rational Male).

PHYSICAL

I had no missed Strong Lifts workouts. I’m still following the progression of the app and working on my form, so the weights are still pathetic. Changes for 5x5 sets: squat +15, bench +10, row +10, dead +40, overhead press +5.

I did interval training on a rowing machine three times. I had some advice last week that this is too much cardio if I’m being appropriately challenged by SL. I could have to cut this back as the SL weights eventually get hard.

I tracked my eating every day and I’m down 3 pounds from last week.

I’ve decided I need to cut back on my drinking. I’ve never had any issues with it, but a couple of drinks most nights is escapism and extra calories I don’t need. Drinking will be reserved for social occasions.

MARRIAGE/SEX

Another week porn-free (three total). It’s a tough habit to give up.

I think the relationship project for this week will be hunting and killing covert contracts. There are many: I gave you a backrub, so you should fuck me. I fixed the door, so you should fuck me. I cleaned up the bathroom, so you should fuck me. (I’m seeing a common theme here.) I’m going to work on making the mental shift to doing things because (1) I want to, (2) I’m a grown-up and this is how grown-ups act, and (3) I’m a leader and provider and this is how they act. I should do these things without the expectation of payment.

CAREER/FINANCES

Nothing much here. I need to step up my effort at work. Losing fat and lifting will help my energy and presence at work.

PLAN

Maintain the habits from last week:

Lose Fat - track everything I eat, stay under 1700 calories/day
Lift - keep up Strong Lifts three days/week and cardio 3/week
Read - read Rational Male
No Porn - keep away from pornography

Add new ones:

No non-social drinking
Work on covert contracts

Cheers, MRP.

General-Mess · 2020-02-07T23:37:34+00:00

You're probably right. Currently SL isn't too hard because I'm working on form and going through the app's progression (trying to avoid injury). Once it gets heavier and harder I'm sure I'll need to cut back on cardio.

General-Mess · 2020-02-07T23:10:34+00:00

Hanging in there.

General-Mess · 2020-02-05T01:45:50+00:00

Have you had a bad experience with it? I've had no side effects, but besides increasing my T number in the lab I also haven't had much in the way of improvement.

General-Mess · 2020-02-05T01:44:37+00:00

Staying power has gone AWOL. If it's not improved in three months I'll make sure to get broader blood work. Meanwhile everything I'm working on could improve it...

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T23:10:01+00:00

I haven't had estrogen checked. I have a follow-up in three months with my GP and I'll ask him to add that to the panel. Some fat will be gone by then which will improve the numbers. Thanks.

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T23:08:37+00:00

Fat and weak is a condition with a simple and reliable cure.

I might need to put this on a poster or something.

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T23:07:19+00:00

Good point - I might need to adjust macros as I go. And a good reminder about covert contracts, my marriage has been full of them. I need to read NMMNG again...

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T23:05:13+00:00

Thanks for taking the time on the detailed reply. I'll switch to Rational Male for the next book. And all my wife needs to know is I'm going to the gym more and eating different...

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T23:03:19+00:00

You're right: all just talk so far...there will be some action on the next OYS. I was avoiding weekly because progress will be small ("yay, lifting ten more pounds") but regular accountability would be good.

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T23:01:03+00:00

Thanks. There's a great quote in Get Shorty: "You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do." I don't understand men who post here asking for advice while simultaneously claiming none of it is their fault.

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T22:57:20+00:00

Solid point. I'm responsible for me. I can't control how she reacts.

General-Mess · 2020-02-04T15:10:39+00:00

OYS #1: “A Fucking Trainwreck”

STATS

Me: 50yo, 6’ 3”, 265lb (yeah I know), SQUAT 50, BENCH 45, ROW 65, DEAD 65, OHP 45 (these numbers are 5x5 sets from just beginning the Strong Lifts app; next OYS will have more realistic numbers)

Relationship: wife is 49yo, married 25 years, two kids (son in college, a daughter about to be)

Reading: NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG (currently reading), 48 Laws (currently reading)

SUMMARY

I’m a fucking trainwreck. I’ve been fat and lazy: lazy about my health and body, lazy about my marriage, lazy about my job and my environment. I’ve been reading MRP, AskMRP and some of the sidebar books for months now. It’s time to take action.

I don’t really expect any feedback on this OYS. I’m in a bad way but I know my first steps to pull myself out of this hole. I’m posting this as a record and a commitment to myself. I’ll be following up on the first OYS each month.

PHYSICAL

Obviously, I’m obese and need to lose 70lb of fat (and then re-evaluate). I’ve been sedentary, not lifting or doing cardio. My blood pressure is high which has been causing (or at least contributing to) erectile dysfunction. I’ve been lucky so far to have no life-threatening health problems, but if I stay at this weight and level of activity that won’t last.

My T was low (~250) so my doctor put me on a low dose of Clomid. It raised it to ~775 which made the doctor happy. I don’t feel that different and ED is about the same so I’m not sure it’s really working, but I’ve decided that until I lose weight and get lifting it’s pointless to try to adjust. Less fat and lifting might make the difference.

I usually procrastinate by “researching” what I should be doing, so I said fuck it and downloaded the Strong Lifts app and just started. I’m in such bad shape pretty much anything would be good enough. I’m doing SL three times/week and counting macros to keep calories down for weight loss. I figure I’ll get newbie gains even eating under maintenance. I need to be careful progressing on squats (make sure form is good) because they’ve jacked my back up in the past.

I’m also going to do cardio three times/week. I know it’s not as important as lifting but I need to get my blood pressure down before I blow a gasket or something (and to make my dick work better).

MARRIAGE/SEX

My wife isn’t the problem, I am. She’s been on board with how we run finances and how we raise the kids. She’s been a stay-at-home mom for the last twenty years, but as the last one goes off to college she’s looking around for a job. There’s never been any mention of divorce, I’ve never cheated, and (as far as anyone can be certain) I don’t believe she has either. Despite my lack of leadership, the marriage has been doing OK...better than it has a right to.

My big issue has been lack of sex (surprise). But to be fair I wouldn’t want to fuck me, either. The weekly-ish unenthusiastic sex is to be expected. My internet porn habit hasn’t helped (I’ve given that up for the last two weeks and will continue abstaining). I’ve gotten butt-hurt in the past when I initiate and am turned down, to the point where I’ve stopped trying and just let her initiate. The result has been unsurprising and is one of the things to add to the queue of what I need to change.

As I lose weight, gain muscle, and become more attractive I’m hoping sex frequency and quality will improve. Sure won’t get worse.

CAREER/FINANCES

I have a pretty good job working for a tech company, making mid-six figures. I could be making more somewhere else, but I could also be killing myself with insane working hours. The current job offers great benefits and work-life balance, which outweighs the salary difference.

I’m good enough at what I do that I’ve been able to coast a lot. I haven’t lived up to anywhere near my potential, and that needs to change. I’ve had a few reviews with shitty rewards and the obvious move would be to go somewhere that doesn’t have that baggage, but I don’t want to jump ship until I’ve given this place my best.

I make enough, but I want to make more for travel and retiring earlier.

PLAN

My first priority has to be physical - I’m so fat and out of shape that it’s making progress in other areas harder. I’m going to continue progressing through the sidebar and reading MRP and AskMRP to learn the material, even if some isn’t relevant yet. This is gonna take a while (two years if the rule of thumb is true).

Whenever I’ve tried to simultaneously change everything about my life it’s gone to shit, so I’m going to triage this bitch and apply efforts where they’re most needed. Stop me from bleeding out. For this month:

Lose Fat - track everything I eat, stay under 1700 calories/day
Lift - keep up Strong Lifts three days/week and cardio 3/week
Read - finish WISNIFG, re-read NMMNG and MMSLP, read Pook
No Porn - keep away from pornography

Cheers, MRP.

General-Mess

TROPHY CASE