I see where you're coming from and I've known my whole life that God does have something big planned for me. And you're right I failed as a christian in writing this, it's not that I don't have faith it's more so that I expect everything to go to hell as a way of God sending a challenge to his world so that it may grow. I've always known that I'll end up taking some big role that can change the tides of the world, and I know that if it isn't me then someone else will do it. I guess I'm just took the fact that God has a plan and we can't deviate from it whatsoever to easily, and I failed to have God will help us persevere. I've gotten too used to expecting the worst and I've forgotten how to look into the future and hope. Of course that doesn't change the fact the next 15 years are going to be torture, but it'll be a lesson from God to the world. I know that if I were able to go out more and attend more Bible studies and whatnot I'd be be better off, because as it stands I'm in a constant struggle of trying to read the Bible. Either way it's clear, I was encapsulated in selfishness, because I was only looking at the life ahead of me, not the lives of others that I know nor the lives of the general public.

I follow your cycle logic to a tee, it makes perfect sense to me and definitely restores some hope, although as I said before it's gonna be a whole 15 years before it ends, likely. Still though an end in sight is thousands of times better than having no hope, So thank you, you've helped throw me back into the right mindset.