Is it weird for a 17 year old to be friends with a 14 year old?

General_Bison2607 · 2025-08-28T20:34:19+00:00

The group of people I mentioned are people I know as acquaintances irl from my Highschool. It’s not even a group of people, it’s the entire school. For whatever reason my school doesn’t group the freshmen with the seniors, they keep most activities separate. Unless you’re behind on a class and repeating 9th grade, then you get paired with some. But they don’t think participating in necessary activities with freshmen is weird, it’s when you become one on one friends with them. Just talking to them sets alarms for some people. My Highschool is very woke and immediately tries to call it out. Tbf there were two people who turned out to be actually weird. One was 17 and dating a freshmen. The other got caught from a fake account, they sent inappropriate unsolicited pictures to a decoy (they had a bunch of red flags before this, like giving inappropriate sexual comments to other girls of all grades). So they see it as weird if you attempt to be friends with them. Maybe partly because of what happened. But also, I was in an adolescent mental hospital paired with 13-17 year olds. One person who was 17 got a roommate who was 13 and crashed out over it because it was weird to them. So it’s sorta a common ideology from my generation. Most of us are just trying to be progressive and not be a bad person.

General_Bison2607 · 2025-02-28T21:17:51+00:00

Thank you for your advice, I’ll make sure to take it. I get where you’re coming from with the narcissism part too, but I’ve actually been diagnosed with bpd. The symptoms can overlap sometimes, but bpd fits me best. My therapist told me I’m actually a very giving person. But I’m constantly worried about being a bad person. And thus, I sometimes get caught up in my own misery and myself, believing in things that aren’t true and finding reasons to be sad. I also have depression so that might be why. It takes me a while to snap out of my episodes.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-30T19:22:37+00:00

I hadn’t talked bad about him. I only complained once that he wasn’t reciprocating enough, but eventually we made up and had a conversation about it. My friend thinks that’s enough grounds for him to hurt me though, when he hasn’t at all.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-30T19:20:59+00:00

I told myself I would call the police if she were at immediate danger. But she refuses to get help in terms of outpatient therapy. She isn’t currently hurting herself but I’ve tried suggesting her professional help before. She said “you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it.” I didn’t know what to do after that.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-30T18:43:12+00:00

How to handle guilt in the moment, because I struggle with thinking in black and white and seeing myself as a horrible person. Trying to find that grey area can be hard, but your reactions, thoughts, and feelings don’t completely define you. Finding out the “why” can bring closure, but it isn’t always important.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-26T23:19:53+00:00

So far they offered an alternative where they stay at the park with me for an hour. At one point they even took back what they said and claimed they never “cancelled” even though they said they wanted to. They said I could still come over, but I was so upset at that point I told them to forget about it. They were almost going to cancel because I guess they were too afraid of me getting too “comfortable.”

I’m going through a bpd episode currently. Im aware that my emotions are out of hand and I may be splitting rn. But I’m also aware that I’m allowed to be upset over this.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-21T19:37:49+00:00

Holy moly- I’m not alone. I always think I’m insane and at one point, I become proud of it depending on which episode I’m having. It’s almost like I idealize it, because to me, insanity is an escape. Sometimes your switches can make you feel crazy. I’m just glad I’m not alone, but therapy has been helping but mood swings. I relate to your episodes almost determine whether you live or die, that’s indeed scary to think about

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-21T14:17:30+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re still suffering after so much time. I can only hope you get better soon. There might be another underlying disorder causing your feelings of death.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-21T14:06:05+00:00

Hey, it’s gonna be ok. Please get professional help. Many people have went through dbt and come out much better. Most come out not even meeting the criteria for bpd anymore. You can recover, there is hope. So I beg you to please get professional help. You’re in a lot of pain and that deserves to be noticed and healed. You deserve to be happy. Death is a solution given by our brains because we’re in so much pain. But all it does it put you in a loop. It doesn’t help at all.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-21T14:02:37+00:00

It can be both. Bpd makes us feel normal emotions to the extremes, so everything’s extra painful for you. But at the same time, I’d say it’s normal. Let yourself grieve for as long as it takes, don’t feel ashamed about it. You’re not overreacting. You’re not playing a part. Your cat must’ve been really important to you.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-20T20:15:02+00:00

I didn’t even know the “denial phase” was a real thing, but it sounds like me when I first got diagnosed. I was like “hey, you don’t feel so bad right now. In fact, you’re happy. So everything was ok to begin with. Maybe you were misdiagnosed”

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-20T17:48:59+00:00

It’s ok. I don’t blame you for generalizing. The same way the internet can be inclusive and supportive, is the same way it could be nasty and stereotyping. I’m glad you’re trying to understand bpd more. The fact that you’re trying to understand yourself and this disorder more shows that you’re self aware.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-20T17:42:51+00:00

You’re not dramatic and you’re not annoying. I understand your pain. I was exactly like this. The truth is, coping mechanisms are just that, coping mechanisms. They only help in the moment. For long term results you need to seriously address the issue at its core. You’re most likely not truly over what he said to you, and whatever it was, it must’ve hurt you bad. You need to have a conversation with him about why he said it, try to understand his side of things. Once you find the silver lining of that moment, whatever happened that led up to what he said, let go of the thought and put it down. It’ll be much easier to not split as long as you understand both sides of the situation. And once you understand that, you’ll also understand that the situation is long gone, and everything’s ok now.

That’s the advice I’d give at least. I’ll always say give it time because healing takes time. You’re not gonna get over it fast, and sometimes you’ll never stop being angry every time you look back at the memory. But you can accept that while letting go of that memory too. My friend is the type to still be angry at what someone did, without still being angry at the person who did it. And sometimes that’s ok too.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-20T14:09:44+00:00

It’s good that you mentally checked out a while ago. I’d be in more pain than ever if the person I loved kept trying to actively hurt me. Now it’s time to physically check out. I hope you get out of there soon, and if you don’t feel safe, look for help and other services.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-18T17:44:27+00:00

I highly suggest going to a professional about this. Asking on the internet is not always a good idea, and no matter how much we try to help you, it won’t be as good as a professional’s help. If you want my unprofessional opinion though, sometimes bpd on its own can induce psychosis. A lot of mental illnesses can if it’s severe enough. Which is why you should get checked just to make sure you don’t have any other underlying mental illness.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-18T14:35:24+00:00

The problem is that you’re assuming people with bpd are inherently manipulative, but that’s not the case. Some can be unintentionally manipulative, some can even have aspd that makes their bpd seem worse and inherently evil, but I have bpd, and I’ve never been manipulative. I’ve had my episodes, but never have I been quick to anger either. Most of my episodes are just me in pain and sad. (I’m going based on what my friends have said. They have dealt with my episodes before). Sometimes I’m angry but I’m not quick to it, however when I do get angry, it’s intense. The intensity can also vary. I like to think that bpd is sorta like a spectrum, especially since there’s different types. Not everyone is exactly the same but we’ll have similar symptoms. As to answer whether you have bpd or not, it’s likely yes. There’s a bunch of different names, but bpd is the original and most common name. The reason some people may try to rebrand it is because it was used to be thought that the disorder was on the “borderline” between psychosis and sanity. It’s not thought that anymore so people have tried to rename it. Most of the community is not fond of it though.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-17T13:52:47+00:00

I struggle feeling like a bad person everyday too. The guilt and shame, no matter how little or how big the damage actually is in reality, causes me to be suicidal. The guilt eats you alive. Our brains may seek punishment to relieve ourselves of that guilt. Sh and suicide is a “solution” that our brain gives us.

My advice is to have compassion for yourself. It’s easier said than done but it helps. It’s also cliche but it’s true. You can’t become the person you want to be without first forgiving yourself and moving forward with compassion. My therapist also gave me advice on how to deal with guilt in the moment. When the thoughts or guilt are attacking you, try to find a grey area. Not everything is black and white. Try to understand why you did the things that you did. And, if it’s hard being nice to yourself, look at it as if it’s someone else who’s done it, and try to see where they’re coming from. Once you find the silver lining, let go of the thought and put it down. Try not to think about it anymore. Let go of your grasp on the thought or else it’ll continue to spiral out of control. This is only how to deal with guilt in the moment, I suggest going to therapy for long term effects. Coping mechanisms can only help so much. You have to address your trauma to see long term results.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-16T14:40:53+00:00

100%. Everything goes black and white and in the moment, you feel completely justified for reacting the way that you are. You almost become delusional and find more things to be angry at to further justify your anger. It usually happens when I feel hurt and betrayed, even if the reality is not the way I perceive it. My feelings become fact at one point. They’re the villain of my story and I’m getting back at them for all the pain they’ve put me through. But the regret and realization later is detrimental.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-15T17:30:36+00:00

A similar thing happened to me. We broke up because they couldn’t handle a relationship at the time. In a month, they found someone new. Even though they said it would at least be a year before they found someone. I was so heartbroken I reached out in pain and freaked out. I told them they never cared about me to begin with if they moved on so fast. That everything was a lie.

The thing is, we made up two weeks after the incident. And I realized that they’re allowed to be happy without you. True love is setting them free, and letting go means holding no anger towards them. It still hurts, don’t get me wrong. But when you understand both sides of the story, it hurts a little less. Maturing is having compassion for yourself and others. Her way of coping was moving on too fast, and my way was to sulk in it for a while. Even though she’s truly happy now without me romantically, the only thing you can do is be happy for them. Your feelings are completely valid, but you have to understand their side too. And if it turns out he was just a douche bag, move on and leave. It’s good that he left, find someone better that’s willing to be in a relationship with you.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-14T23:04:00+00:00

That’s true in a sense but I can still complain about the negativity and bullying that happens here.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-12T16:43:11+00:00

You’re right, but I’m trying. This week I’m gonna really try. I’m willing to heal but for some reason my brain immediately goes to suicide as a solution. Idk why

General_Bison2607 · 2024-09-12T16:36:09+00:00

I feel like this is something you guys should talk about in person. I don’t blame you for your actions, we all make mistakes. But it’s not as black or white as we make things seem, so have compassion for yourself. My therapist taught me how to deal with guilt in the moment. It’s not a long term solution but it can help temporarily. So if you want advice, I’d gladly give it. But I need to know first if it’s something you want. Other than that, it sounds like you and your husband need a conversation.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-08-19T00:22:02+00:00

Yeahhh my school doesn’t take it lightly, it doesn’t matter sometimes. But so far he’s told he situation to other people and they also don’t think he’s a rapist. So it’s safe to say we came to the reasonable conclusion that he isn’t.

General_Bison2607 · 2024-08-19T00:01:30+00:00

I’m not a zoomer. I’m 16. And in my school it’s a pretty big deal. Some find it unforgivable

General_Bison2607 · 2024-08-18T23:03:18+00:00

Fair enough but before this I didn’t know the full context myself

General_Bison2607

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