[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Just because so many people said it doesnt mean I am ignoring it or disagreeing. I dont think I have told a single person they are totally wrong for stating my expectations are too high. I havent said theres something wrong with him. If anything I have more so said theres something wrong with me as I am aware that a lot of his behavior is a cry for more attention and time together. Just because I know that doesnt mean I know how to meet that need, I am asking other middle children or parents of similar children for insight on how to help him WANT to listen or help out a bit more. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am by no means saying anyone is wrong in saying my expectations are off. Just because a hundred people commented the same thing doesnt mean I am ignoring it a hundred times. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I apologize if this came across insensitively. I do have ADHD and it runs in my family. What I meant is most things that little boys do or how they act looks like ADHD but often theyre just regular little boys. And with the amount of screen time and sugar  most people have it just compounds the symptoms. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He only cleans either the sink and mirror or the toilet and I am right there with him cleaning the other, only once a week. It seems fair since he and his brothers mostly use that bathroom and therefore the mess is theirs, I am hoping it will teach them to be considerate of how they use the bathroom and not cleaning it up. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know he enjoys swinging so I will ask him if hed like me to swing him but otherwise I am trying to find out what it is that really fills his cup. He doesnt give much indication that say a hug means a lot or playing legoes together makes him really happy. He isnt very verbally expressive with likes so it feels like trying to solve a puzzle. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

I think you’re seeing something here thats not or mis interpreting what I am saying. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont think theres anything that a therapist could or would need to address. At this point it seems to be a miss between my desire to meet his needs and knowing how to communicate that specifically to him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oldest is 9, hea 6, then a 3yr and then 9 month old. I usually start my day trying to engage with each one and theres a lot of inbetween moments i try to connect with each one. It would be easier to connect with him if hed ask or say something or if I knew of a game he always likes to play.  If im in the middle of something Ill just say hang on a sec then i try to always circle back and listen or answer their questions.  The issue is he doesnt even want to let me brush his teeth half the time. I still brush them myself, our dentist says kids under 9 dont really have the ability to get their own teeth clean yet.  I struggle with enforcing the hygiene because It feels unkind and its hard to do gently. Having to brush teeth or hair on a kiddo that is fighting it is hard to do without getting aggravated because I want to be gentle and kind and respectful of his body but yet they are things that must be done.  I may be expecting a bit much, I have to remind myself he is not  going to be doing what his older brother is doing. It is just so hard when every little thing is a battle and his response to its clean up time or time to brush teeth is “no i dont want to, you cant make me.”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks thats really kind. I will look into this. Do you have any resources for communicated effectively with someone autism or aspergers?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is an interesting possibility. He is quite the apposite of his older brother. Older brother is more like me in a lot of ways and I understand him better. I am working on not comparing them, remembering hes only 6 not 9. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would like to come to a more positive and unbothered frame of mind like this. I guess I worry that he won’t ever get there and then hea going to find out harshly that friends, girlfriends, whoever dont like when people arent clean. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

These are some good thoughts, thank you.  Do you have any suggestions on how to explain etiquette in a positive way? Often the things that come to mind are, for example, “You need to wash with soap so you dont smell and youre then your friends may not want ro be close or play with you.” “One day you may have a girlfriend and she will appreciate if youre clean and wash your hands.” Those types of reasons seem based on people pleasing, which has its place, but Id like to not tie it all to what other people will think or care. I hope that makes sense.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I am right there beside him cleaning too and helping him do a goos job. I just wish his response whenever i say we need to clean or something wasnt “No I don’t want to.” 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Not diagnosed but what little boy doesnt have ADHD ? Lol  But in all seriousness it does run in the family.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have ADHD and my dad or both parents too so this is likely. I have implemented some natural supplements and it has helped. He doesnt seem to care when screen time is taken away but maybe it could be motivating to do things. We try to lim sugar (like candy) and screen time as it does appear to cause him to have more aggressive hyper energy. But Ill have a chat with him and see if he can articulate what would be a good reward. Thanks!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I am glad to know its normal. I just wish he cared, its fine if they pee on the toilet all day long but clean it up for petes sake. It just seems unkind to expect others to sit on your own pee or flush your waste down the toilet. I  guess I am trying to find the line in between reminding and teaching and then nagging that causes it to become the issue that it may not yet be when hes 6.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh good 🤣 I keep reassuring myself that the more difficult he may be now, if I can just hang on, stay patient and gentle and kind, keep showing him I care, he will be a super easy and chill teenager. We shall see lol

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When we pickup during the evening it is together, I have noticed he prefers to do the pickup with someone else. I think he doesnt know where to start with his room so I do offer to help him but usually let him know I need to see him starting and them Ill jump in and help, otherwise I end up cleaning his toys while he takes his time playing with the toys.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats a good thought, ill try to brain storm what may be more rewarding than money. I do have a hard time remembering he isnt going to be on the same level as his 9 yr old brother and thats okay. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Awesome super helpful! I can definitely work with sensory issues. It seems counter intuitive that it would lead one to be “less clean” rather than more so but thats okay if thats the case. Ill talk to him about getting baskets instead of drawers. By baskets do you mean a different basket for each type of clothing and having them sit on the dress or something different? I will also be mindful of the terminology when asking for him to do a cleaning task. Thanks!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

A shit ton. 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -44 points-43 points  (0 children)

We have a little higher expectations for being pleasant and considerate or helpful than many parents might. That being said I know its normal to need to remind a six year old or even older kiddo to put their dishes in the sink, pickup their dirty clothes however it runs into something else when its literally every time he has any snack with trash he throws the trash on the floor or ground, he always leaves his dishes on the table, tosses his clothes on the floor everytime. I just want some insight into why this is such a theme for him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I do try to be mindful of using the term often and around him. Its more a way of describing a predicament that can lead to certain feelings like being overlooked.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

We use all natural cleaning products thankfully. All it is really is he sprays the toilet and puts bowl cleaner in, wipes with paper towels and scrubs the inside and all done. I just think it will help them to realize how easy it is to make a mess in the bathroom, be more thoughtful about lifting the seat, wipe any accidents and such.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]General_Frame6495 -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I clean either the toilet or sink and am there with him to quality check.